Was looking over my blog this afternoon, and I came to something I hadn't given much thought to in awhile: the Being Bipolar series. That's the project I began in the fall of 2010 (wow, FIFTEEN years ago!) chronicling what it is to have bipolar disorder. Or as many, including increasingly myself, refer to it as manic depression.
It's been a year and a half since the most recent Being Bipolar article. There's never been any intended regular schedule for them. I've composed them as they come to me. As with so much else that I produce I believe more in quality than quantity. And though I've lived with bipolar disorder for half of my life now, it's still something that I find myself taking time to ruminate upon. But I like to think that the series has been a successful one, and I look forward to writing more for it.
But it's been eighteen months since that last article. And maybe it's time to do some reflection on what has transpired between then and now.
Because, for whatever reason, my manic depression has been MUCH more under control for at least a year. I think the last time I had any really serious episode was this past April. That was a depressive one and thankfully I got through it (it's good to have friends who care about you enough to let you call them at 1 in the morning... but that was 10 p.m. to them in California so it worked out).
Anyway, yes: manic depression hasn't plagued me nearly as much in the past year or so than it has most of the time since the winter of 2000, when the symptoms first came about. My thoughts aren't racing like they have before. Depressive episodes fade much sooner. I'm better able to focus my thoughts, without them going completely off the rails. I'm sleeping better. My appetite and eating habits are much healthier (and I'm grateful that my weight is NOT anywhere near where it was at the height of my struggle with bipolar disorder circa 2010 or so). My relationships with others has come to be improved, I believe. My interest in subject matters has increased. I'm reading a lot more for pleasure. My frequency of writing is something that could be better, but I think that's improving.
That latter pertains to the central activity I've been focused on for most of the past two years: completing my book. For the better part of a decade I had been writing for it on and off. It was January 2024 when I decided to home-in on true dedication to producing my autobiography, as so many (especially Dad) have said they wanted me to write. So that's what I've been doing when I wasn't working a job or taking care of my dog Tammy. I made every other iota of my being focused on writing what became known as Keeping the Tryst. Until the week before last November when the first draft was finished. A few weeks later I began editing and revision and that was a whole another process altogether. But finally, on October 1st, my book was released. And people seem to be really enjoying it.
I think working on the book was a tremendously therapeutic thing for me to set about doing. I seem to be at my best when I've got something significant to work on. A few months after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I focused on working on Forcery, my first movie. All of those issues and concerns and nuances, doing my best to keep everyone happy and safe (emphasis on "safe") provided a calming balm to my troubled mind. In those months during 2004 I found a serenity that I have rarely come to know again since. And then I found a similar serenity in 2006 when I ran for school board in Rockingham County, North Carolina. Those were three months when I felt completely detached from the madness. I was too concerned with being a candidate for public office and everything that comes with that, especially with keeping detailed records of contributions and expenditures. I was free during that time. My passion and creativity was bursting and I felt like I was dancing in fire without being singed.
Focusing on the book for the past nearly two years provided another period of serenity. The longest yet. It's gone on for so long that what few episodes have come about in that time, have been so minor as to almost be completely inconsequential.
So now that the book has been published, I'm working on marketing it. And that has become yet another project to focus on. And paralleling that, I believe the time has come to begin writing more op-ed material for consideration toward being published. The last time I composed anything of that nature was nine months ago. I need to get back into that. It was what began my writing career all those years ago in high school, after all. Writing for the purpose of encouraging others to "think a little differently" has been my biggest motivator when it comes to working with pen and keyboard. The season has come to get back into that.
Will bipolar disorder come raging back again? It is something I must be braced for. I've been on pretty much the same regimen of medications that I've been on for fifteen years now. They've maintained efficacy quite well. But I must be prepared for some time in the future when those no longer work as well, if at all. That is an ever-present risk. It could come next week or a year from now or ten. It may not come at all.
As with everything else, I'm taking it one day at a time. Being thankful for what mind that I do have. Making the most of that. Living better than what for many years I had thought possible.
Who knows. Maybe God will bring a special lady into my life after all, sooner than later.