Quit shoving Valentine's Day down my throat when I'm still recovering from Christmas

You know how stores like Wal-Mart and Target and everyone else start putting their Valentine's Day stuff out the day after Christmas, and how on November 1st everything Christmas is already on full-bore display with all that candy that got marked half-off the only sign that Halloween has passed? And then when Valentine's is over, the Easter crap is already put up less than 24 hours later?

I hate that.

Life is too short without profit-mad corporate retailers speeding it up even more. I mean, is this how we divide the years of our lives: into Christmas shopping time and Halloween shopping time and Kwanzaa shopping time and Bastille Day shopping time and...? Shouldn't we be afforded a little space in-between holidays to have a normal life and able to reflect on the things about it that matter, WITHOUT being expected to buy buy buy stuff just to feel like we "belong" among the masses?

Therefore, here's a proposal I'd like to make: Congress should pass a law mandating that merchants can only start promoting a holiday within 3 weeks of that holiday. First violation will incur a fine up to, but not exceeding, $1 billion. Second violation will have the CEO of the company dragged out into the street and hung from the nearest telephone pole by his/her circular reproductive units with piano wire. Third violation will automatically enforce a fifty-year ban on being able to buy commercial time during the Super Bowl, on top of which the company will be required to pay market value for at least two but not more than five airings of the old Burger King "Herb" ad campaign during the first Super Bowl after conviction.

If all else fails, the rebellious retailer will be court-ordered to make as it's official spokesperson, at the judge's discretion, (a) Martha Stewart, (b) a Hindu untouchable named Shorty, or (c) those two guys who played Bulk and Skull on the original "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers".

What say ye, fellow Americans?