Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Warhammer 40,000 battle report: "Komedy of Errors" as Orks slaughter Chaos Space Marines!

Finally got to return to the friendly local game store after business the past two weeks kept me from indulging in one of my latest newfound pastimes: Warhammer 40,000. But in the interim I've been building up a new army. Ever since this past winter I've been playing Space Marines of the Ultramarines chapter (the ones that come in the Warhammer 40,000: Assault on Black Reach intro set). Lately though I've thought about changing things up a bit, and Space Marines of various stripes do tend to be the most popular faction anyway, what with every player seeming to possess at least one army of the Emperor of Mankind's most faithful servants.

So for the past few weeks I've been getting my first army of Orks ready for battle. And the timing was perfect, 'cuz as a personal rule I never field any model until I'm satisfied that it looks good. If my soldiers are going to fight and possibly die for me, then they merit enough respect for me to paint them like they deserve, right?

Anyhoo, today I threw my Orks into combat for the first time. Four players this afternoon at our table. There was me with a little less than 500 points worth of Orks...

And here's my Ork Warboss. I think he's unique/powerful/ugly enough to need a proper name: anyone have any suggestions?

Playing with me today was Tom, who brought along a gnarly collection of Tyranids (think of the Borg from Star Trek crossed with the Bugs from Starship Troopers). Normally Tyranids and Orks don't get along 'cuz Orks fight everything and Tyranids eat everything. But this game (as chosen by a roll of the die) was a "unit/points" thingy, where destroying anything considered a unit is 1 point and the side with the most points at the end winning. Let's just assume for today's battle that these are Tyranids cut off from the Hive mind that are maddened or the Orks are using in battle or something. Anyhoo, here's Tom...

And playing a whole bunch of Chaos Space Marines were Brandon and Joe. Joe is also Tom's kid brother, and it was evident from the start that he was out to "show up" Tom. This was also Brandon and Joe's very first time playing Warhammer 40,000, so naturally a lot of the adults were on hand to show them what to do/all the tricks etc.

But look in Brandon and Joe's eyes. Yup, two more poor unfortunate souls that have been ensnared by Warhammer 40,000. I saw them earlier oggling the Assault on Black Reach intro set, which is like the "gateway drug" for this hobby. Way too late for you now kids: you're in deep and the hole goes very far indeed...

Admittedly, the first few rounds did not go well for our side. Both squads of my Ork Boyz took light casualties at long distance from Chaos Space Marine fire and neither of the Big Shootas that I was armed with hit anything. I decided to push the Orks forward and engage at close range (which turned out to have been a very wise thing in the long run).

Meanwhile, Tom and Joe were having at each other in what must be the most hilarious thing that I have seen playing Warhammer 40,000 thus far. Joe brought forth his Chaos-possessed Dreadnought, which quickly lost what I call the "insanity roll" and went mad and plowed headlong toward Tom's swarm of Tyranid Termagants...

...and then the Termagants completely overwhelmed the Chaos Dreadnought!

The Chaos Space Marine Dreadnought was hopelessly engaged for the rest of the game fighting off the Termagants. And as you can see from the pic above, that freed my Nobz to press forward without having that to worry about.

The Ork offensive was well underway...

Soon afterward however, one squad of "da Boyz" engaged in close quarters combat with the Space Marines and were, to an Ork, wiped out. And in the next round my other squad of Boyz were completely killed off too after I had declared a Waaagh! (the one time that kamikaze-style tactics failed to carry this day). So in retaliation my Warboss took on a Chaos-claimed Rhino bare-handed. Well, if you count the power claw as being a hand too...

The results of that bit o' mayhem were one destroyed Rhino which blew up and no damage taken by the Warboss! It was the start of a great green tide that would soon wash over the landscape.

I must confess though: at this point I thought it was pretty hopeless 'cuz with both squads of Boyz gone, all I had were my Warboss and the Nobz. But as this was my first time playing Orks I had no idea just how strong the Nobz really were. First they utterly over-ran one squad of Chaos Space Marines and took their mad Waaagh! right to into Brandon and Joe's hapless faces...

I still can't believe I was rolling so many 5s and 6s during this murderous rampage.

So with the Nobz destroying two squads of Chaos Marines (and taking only one casualty among their own) the mighty Orks turned to the last two opposing unit left with any real fighting capability...

And a few minutes later, it was all over...

The cunning and beguiling forces of Chaos had fallen to the dumb and ugly Orks! Which, I guess in the higher scheme of the universe, means that this was ultimately a victory for Good. Orks aren't really evil: they're just that way by nature. Hey, J.R.R. Tolkien even said that his Orcs would not be eternally beyond redemption, so I like to think that the Orks in the Warhammer 40,000 universe have some positive inherent value too.

Or maybe I've just been spending too much time painting and detailing Orks lately :-P They're definitely my favorite army to play in this game for the time being, mainly 'cuz they're such a rich source of comedic value (even though their shooting abilities leave much to be desired).

Next week: the Orks are back and hopefully by then I'll have my Gretchins and Deffkoptas ready (and maybe even something a little "shokking" ;-)

EDIT 11:45 p.m. EST: I've come up with a name for my Ork Warboss. Think I'm gonna call him Kaneegutz! Which is sort of the Ork-ish corruption of my last name (and it sounds like "ka-neeguts" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail). And doesn't "Waaagh! Kaneegutz" sound like a great title for an Ork crusade? :-)

4 comments:

  1. NICE models! Some of the better ones that I've seen painted up :) Congratulations on your win too!

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  2. Thanks :-) After I finish with the Gretchin, the Mek Boy with Shokk Attack Gun, the Bikerz and the Killa Kan, I'm gonna splurge and get an Ork Trukk. Can't wait to get to work on that one!

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  3. AMAZING models!!
    I am an ork to :-)

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  4. AMAZING models!!
    I am an ork aswell

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