Starting to live

From one of my favorite books...

"I can probably die now," said Ender. "All my life's work is done."

"Mine too," said Novinha. "But I think that means that it's time to start to live."

-- from Speaker for the Dead, by Orson Scott Card

I didn't fully appreciate what Ender had gone through, from the beginning of his story in Ender's Game until that passage from the very last pages of Speaker for the Dead that I first read as a high school sophomore in 1990. I didn't get it then.

And now... I can't think of a more fitting piece of dialogue from any work of literature that so perfectly speaks for how unbelievably good my life has become since late spring.

The better part of a year ago I was in the darkest place that I had ever known. And I honestly never thought that there could ever be any light, any life. For most of these past long months, I could not possibly find God working in my life or even be able to know He was there at all.

But, He was. He is, and always has been. I had to come to a place where I could forgive myself for things that had never even been in my control, to a place where I had to finally let go of things that had come between God and me, before I could see that at last.

And today, I can't remember being this happy ever before. Being content with the grace of God. Letting Him be sufficient for all of my joy. And now, it turns out that He had only just begun...

I have fought a long and hard journey to be here. To have the peace of mind that it was never possible before now to enjoy. The life that most people have and too often take for granted... is finally mine to experience.

In a sense, my own life's work is done.

So it's time to start to live.