New SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRES: Keyser Soze versus Sherlock!

The previous Saturday Nights Massacre has just ended.  With 83% of the vote Han Solo has hyperspace away with the Coors beer against Peter Quill's 17%.

And now, for the next matchup:

THE SETTING: 

New Scotland Yard had been rocked. Not even MI-6 knew who he was except vague rumors from the usual suspects. About possibly being Turkish, maybe German. The explosion on the Thames portended schemes of a sinister genius more formidable than Moriarty or Magnussen. As Mycroft rushes into Speedy's Cafe (stopping only to hold the door open for a man limping onto the London streets) he spots his brother eating a sandwich. Informed on the situation the dark-haired man in the woolen cape coat smiles. There is a gleam in his eye. And the game begins...

That's right: it's Keyser Soze versus Sherlock (from the BBC series).  It is a clash of the intellects like nothing before.  Voting is now open for two weeks until June 16.  Who will triumph in this battle for the soul of the good people of London?  YOU WILL DECIDE!  Cast your vote and may the best mastermind win.

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New SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRES battle: Han Solo vs. Peter Quill!

The first epic matchup of Saturday Night Massacres ended this past weekend.  With 62% of the vote Robin Hood decisively out-archered Katniss Everdeen for the rabbit dinner!  Not a bad way to kick off this bi-weekly battle across the multiverse.

But hot on its heels is a contest that no doubt a BUNCH of y'all out there will be wanting to cast a ballot in...

The Setting:

Big and Little Enos must get the shipment to the big rally for Zaphod Beeblebrox. Unfortunately taking Coors outside the Solar System is bootlegging and highly illegal. And Bandit's rig is strictly two-dimensional. The Burdettes have no choice but to cut deals with two seasoned pros in the art of stellar smuggling. First to deliver their cargo of beer to Zaphod in less than 24 hours wins the cash!!



That's right folks: Han Solo and Peter Quill are taking it to the starlanes to see who will get their shipment of Coors beer to Zaphod Beeblebrox.  Big and Little Enos Burdette are taking no chances.  Too bad that Bandit's rig is limited to the continental United States and can't even get much outside the southeast much less past the orbit of Mars.  But one way or another the illegal suds are going to get to Zaphod's big party.

Voting is open until noon EST on Saturday, June 2nd.  As for the next matchup... I haven't decided which to use yet but there are some ridiculously awesome ones on the card.

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The premiere of SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRES!

If you were to timewarp to some day many decades hence (I hope, gulp!) and find me about to depart this moral realm for the Great Beyond, and of all the questions you could ask me the one thing you would want to know is "What were your favorite websites of all time?"...

Even then, one of the top three would be WWWF Grudge Match: that hilarious page from the earliest days of widespread accessible Internet featuring epic battles between Mister T and Mister Clean, a Rottweiler versus a Rottweiler's weight in chihuahas, John McClane versus the Death Star, and that immortal bout between English Soccer Hooligans and the French Army.  Grudge Match ran uninterrupted in a few iterations between 1995 and 2005, but its impact on Internet humor will ever live on.

Thing is... since 2005 there's been so much crazy new stuff come about that's just SCREAMING to be put into a Grudge Match-style.

Just for fun, the past several months I've been making posts on my personal Facebook page with match-ups between various characters from fiction, real life, whatever.  Those who will courageously admit to knowing me seem rather entertained by it.  And so I thought "hmmmm... maybe this could be made wide open for others?  Perhaps honor the spirit of the original Grudge Match and make it appreciable for a modern audience?"

And so it is that as of today Saturday Night Massacres has been launched on Facebook.

Barring unforeseen circumstance, every other Saturday at noon EST there will be a new battle between two or more combatants, and they could come from anywhere: the real world, movies, books, television, games, sports, ancient mythology, toys, politics... anything and everything is in play.  All in good humor, all in good taste (which is sadly something that too much "comedy" these days is not).  Nothing cruel or mean-spirited, just good clean wholesome family carnage.  For two weeks the matchup will be active and if you've a Facebook account (ehhhhh... "I have no further comment Senator") you can cast your vote.  At the end of two weeks voting ends and the victor will be declared.  And then a whole new contest will begin!  As things stand now, there are matches in the pipeline that will carry us well into late summer.  And new ones are being thought up all the time.  Fans of the page will always be free and welcome to suggest future matchups (with proper accreditation of course).

And for the inaugural edition of Saturday Night Massacres, it's a good one:

Archery contest between Robin Hood - the legendary defender of the poor and downtrodden - and Katniss Everdeen - the "Girl on Fire" herself and champion of District 12 - and only one of them will take dinner home for his or her friends and family.  High stakes indeed!

So let fly those arrows and vote now for the winner at Saturday Night Massacres!

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