By Crom! Schwarzenegger making a new Conan movie!

(And just to be clear, Ah-nuldt is not playing Conan O'Brien.)

Personally, I think this is ten years too late. Wanna know why? Because sometime before 9/11 happened there was serious work afoot to make a true sequel to 1982's Conan the Barbarian: one that would forget that Conan the Destroyer ever happened. King Conan: Crown of Iron had a script written by John Milius and was going to be produced by the Wachowski Brothers (back when the Wachowskis were still brothers, that's all I'm gonna say).

I was able to read the King Conan: Crown of Iron script several years ago. It was spot-on perfect as a follow-up to Conan the Barbarian. It even had Conan saying another prayer to Conan. My favorite part though took place at the beginning of the story: a scene paralleling the one from the original of Conan's father speaking to Conan about the riddle of steel. This script had Conan talking to his son about steel, and how Junior would one day have to break Conan's sword, just as Conan broke his father's sword in the first movie.

Brilliant stuff. And it would have made a hella good movie... had Arnold Schwarzenegger not going off to be Governor of California.

I don't know if this is gonna atone for King Conan: Crown of Iron not getting produced. But it's something anyway: Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to return as Conan in the just-announced The Legend of Conan, set for release in 2014. This is meant to be the proper sequel to Conan the Barbarian, which ended with a lingering scene several years later of Conan sitting on a throne and Mako's voice promising us that "this story shall also be told."

(Hey, better thirty-two years late than never, huh?)

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MAD TV presents: TERMINATOR 3: THE GREATEST ACTION STORY EVER TOLD

Y'know, the sad thing is: this sketch from Fox's MAD TV is soooooo much better than the actual Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and Terminator: Salvation, combined!

I think this was first broadcast before Christmas 1998. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Terminator is sent back in time to protect Jesus of Nazareth in... The Greatest Action Story Ever Told!

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HILARIOUS TERMINATOR 3 deleted scene that KINDA woulda had TERMINATOR SALVATION make a lot more sense!

This was filmed, people! This was soooooo filmed!

What. The. Hell. Were. They. Thinking. ?!?

GeekTyrant posted this yesterday. It's a scene from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines that was edited out of the final film. And had this been included in the movie, I could almost see how Terminator Salvation would have been better for it, because it proves that the Terminator saga's timeline incongruities were being actively addressed. I like how it's explicitly stated that the Skynet technology originated with Cyberdyne, and the reason why all the T-800 Terminators look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and even have identical voices (as weird as that was).

But I swear: I literally fell out of my chair when the clip gets to U.S. Army Chief Master Sergeant William Candy.

Nothing I can say could possibly prepare you for this, friends and neighbors...

"OOH... it's ME!!"

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