CBS produces pilot for reboot of THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW! Modern MAYBERRY to star Kevin Sorbo as Sheriff Taylor, Aunt Bea as closet lesbian!

Keep in mind that what you're about to read is as of right now a pilot episode and maybe not even that much.  I thought it noteworthy that the CBS execs are describing this not as a pilot but as a "proof of concept".  Meaning the idea is being explored but it may not go any further and I doubt it will.  But hey, stranger things have happened in Hollyweird...

MAYBERRY pilot episode title card.  Copyright CBS Television

Entertainment and celebrity gossip website TMZ.com is reporting this morning that CBS Television head honchos have sanctioned and produced a pilot for Mayberry: a modern-age remake of the network's classic Sixties comedy The Andy Griffith Show.  Seems that when star Andy Griffith passed away last summer his last will and testament stipulated that CBS would enjoy uncontested rights to do with the show - along with spinoff Mayberry RFD - as it saw fit.  With CBS seeing success in its reboot of Hawaii Five-0, execs thought that the time was ripe for a return to Mayberry.  The pilot itself was shot in early January.

So what's Mayberry like? From the article by TMZ reporter Istvan Teleky...

The 22-minute "proof of concept" has Kevin Sorbo (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) as Andy Taylor: Sheriff of a Mayberry for the new millennium. Sorbo's Taylor served two years in Iraq before PTSD sent him back home. No longer willing to carry a gun, Taylor returns to find his wife tragically killed and left to be a single father to son Opie (child actor newcomer Ralf Paydosilo). Barney Fife - voted by Entertainment Weekly as the greatest sitcom character of all time - now has borderline personality disorder and is played by Dominic Monaghan. The "pilot" also sees Steve Buscemi in a brief appearance as Ernest T. Bass and lovable town drunk Otis Campbell portrayed by Dennis Franz. Mayberry's most startling departure is The Carol Burnett Show sweetheart Vicki Lawrence as Aunt Bea: a closet lesbian whose feelings for Clara Edwards provide much of the pilot's laugh fodder. Some CBS officials expressed concern in one scene where Opie asks "Pa, what does 'masturbate' mean?"  However Sorbo is adamant about keeping Mayberry "clean and family friendly" and is demanding an executive producer role as well.

TMZ reports that several scripts are already prepared should the pilot go to series. One is a retelling of the legendary "The Loaded Goat" episode, which true to "modern sensibilities" finds the Town of Mayberry sued by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals after dynamite-gorged Jimmy the Goat explodes outside the town's only Planned Parenthood clinic. But despite such liberties, CBS execs are determined that the time is ripe for "a return to cornpone hayseed humor the likes of which hasn't been seen since Fred Silverman's 1970 'Rural Purge'."

Steve Buscemi as Ernest T. Bass.  Good Lord, I must see that someday!  But with that said: this thing sounds horrible.  It should be given a burial at sea courtesy of the bathroom toilet.  Putting jokes about masturbation into The Andy Griffith Show?  Whoever came up with that oughtta be burned at the stake for blasphemy...

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Bias in mainstream press? WHAT bias?! (anti-gun vs. pro-life)

The apparently big story right now is about the estimated fewer than 1,000 who marched in Washington D.C. today against the Second Amendment. I understand that this has made all of the major evening new broadcasts: CBS, NBC, CNN etc.

To the very best of my understanding, there was NO such coverage at all of yesterday's March for Life, which many have calculated drew more than 500,000 to the Mall to protest abortion -the premeditated murder of unborn children - on the fortieth anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

Now, applying some logic here, you would think that a story regarding half a million people would dwarf that of an event which drew, at most, several hundred.

But I suppose when it comes to stories and their coverage from big media, some of them just don't fit the expected narrative...

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George Burns presents CHRISTMAS CAROL II: THE SEQUEL!

AMC has been doing multiple broadcasts of A Christmas Carol, the 1984 television movie adaptation with George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge, for the past few nights. It's easily my favorite version of Charles Dickens' timeless potboiler (no really, he only wrote it to sell and pay some bills) although Patrick Stewart's one-man performance runs a very close second.

But have you ever wondered what happened after Scrooge changed his ways at the end of that story?

Well wonder no more! Back in 1985 there was a short-lived show called George Burns Comedy Week. It was a comedy anthology series hosted by Burns: sorta The Twilight Zone but all about the laughs. And just before that Christmas, Burns and company produced a follow-up to A Christmas Carol.

So without further ado, here is Roddy McDowall, Ed Begley Jr., Carolyn Seymour, Paul Benedict, and the one and only James Whitmore himself as Scrooge in... "Christmas Carol II: The Sequel"!

Part 1

Part 2

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See BS: Tiffany Network caught discriminating against Paul, Bachmann

If CBS or any other "major media outlet" alleges that this is a matter of time constraint, then I'm gonna have to call it that I see B.S.

Look, five years ago I was one of sixteen candidates for school board in my home county, and in the final week before the election we all took part (well, one of us declined to participate, but that's another story) in a public candidates forum. A "debate", if you will. And each of us got ample time to state our beliefs and opinions on the various issues. For the very same questions, mind ya. Many people to this day still tell me that they got a kick out of my answer about whether school boards should have the power to tax: I told the audience "Look, if I get on that board and we have that power, there are good people on that board but I'm telling you now: DON'T TRUST US!! Don't trust us with that power to tax you!" But I digress...

The point is, even with a considerable number of individual candidates for office, there is PLENTY of equal time and opportunity to be afforded them by the organization sponsoring the debate... IF that organization is determined to be fair, balanced and impartial, that is.

Didn't Howard Stern once say that the term "Tiffany Network" reminded him too much of the name of a prostitute? If so, then last night CBS was certainly caught in the act of selling out its principles. What few it had left anyway...

During yesterday evening's televised debate of the Republican candidates for President, Ron Paul was given a scant 89 seconds of airtime to answer questions and lay out his claim for the Oval Office. Fellow candidate Michelle Bachmann received similarly reduced on-air exposure. The lion's share of the questions and time for answers went to Mitt Romney, Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich.

It is now a clearly documented fact that CBS was practicing deliberate discrimination against those candidates that it believes the American citizenry would do just as well to ignore.

CBS political director John Dickerson inadvertently forwarded the Bachmann campaign an e-mail stating that Bachmann would not be given much show time because...

“Okay let’s keep it loose since she’s not going to get many questions and she’s nearly off the charts in the hopes that we can get someone else."

CBS later said that they were trying to be "realistic" since Bachmann is "polling" about 4% nationally.

And this blogger says: that don't don't hunt. A study released last month by University of Minnesota notes that Ron Paul, though polling a strong third or fourth nationally, has been given the least amount of debate time during every televised forum.

Now if this ain't intentional bias and discrimination on the part of a major television news outlet, then... what is it? How can anyone defend CBS - and indeed, most of the more corporate-run press in this country - as being an objective and impartial observer of this country and this world?

Some are probably reading this and no doubt determined to tell me "Chris, CBS is a multi-billion dollar corporation and you're just a guy with a blog: what the hell do you think you can do about it?"

True, I don't have CBS's viewing numbers.

But I can document that network's abuse of journalistic ethics. Which in my opinion, this is an example of.

And there are a lot of others out there in the ether of the Intertubes who are likewise documenting it.

Meanwhile, networks like CBS keep losing viewers, 'cuz there are a lot of folks out there who are getting sick and tired of seeing B.S. too.

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Andy Rooney has passed away

Only a month after his final appearance on 60 Minutes, the sad news is coming out this morning that commentator/curmudgeon Andy Rooney has passed away at the age of 92.

Whether you enjoyed his segments or not (and there were more than a few which were downright infuriating) it can't be denied that Rooney was one of the most accomplished performers of the very fine art of satire. The man had a way with taking the routine and miniscule elements of daily life, and turning them into fodder for good laughter... and even serious contemplation. Even if one didn't appreciate his cantankerous style, Rooney was still to be respected for his many years as a broadcast journalist, especially his time as a war correspondent on the front lines of the European theater in World War II.

Thoughts and prayers going out to his family today.

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CBS SUNDAY MORNING this week to spotlight Neil Gaiman!

Neil Gaiman, in the opinion of a very many people, is one of the greatest and most masterful writers of our modern age. Lately I've found myself re-reading his classic Sandman series and found myself enjoying it just as much today as I did when I first discovered it years ago... if not more so.

Well if you also appreciate Gaiman's work, you'll be pleased to know that according to his Twitter page, Neil Gaiman will be the focus of a segment this weekend on CBS Sunday Morning...

Looks like the CBS Sunday Morning profile of me goes out this Sunday. In the morning. Barring natural disasters or breaking news of course.

Very cool! I'm a way longtime viewer of CBS Sunday Morning and have always enjoyed its stories and unique pace. Somehow, a feature on Neil Gaiman seems just perfect.

(By the way, have I ever told y'all that I can do a spot-on impersonation of late creator of CBS Sunday Morning Charles Kuralt? Maybe I should post that as a YouTube clip sometime :-)

CBS Sunday Morning comes on at 9 a.m. EST, but check yer local listings to be sure and set those DVRs!

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The night the Star Wars empire almost self-destructed

Today marks an extraordinarily dubious anniversary for the Star Wars saga. Because it was thirty years ago tonight, on November 17th, 1978, that CBS aired the first and last broadcast of The Star Wars Holiday Special.

The two-hour schlockfest is now widely considered by many to be the absolutely worst block of television in the history of anything...

"One of these things is not like the others..."

I'm not even going to try to pretend to make sense of this... thing. If you want to see it, you'll be able to find it all over the 'net and if you don't want to see it well, that's two hours of your life that're your own to spend how you wish. I remember watching this as a way wee lad on the night that it aired, and even then I thought it was pretty terrible. I mean, Harvey Korman as a four-armed alien version of Julia Child?!?

No wonder that George Lucas has strenuously prayed - both privately and publicly - that every copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special might somehow be incinerated. The "special" came to be considered the low point in the careers of everyone involved, including Bea Arthur and Art Carney. Let's not even mention Carrie Fisher singing "What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb)?". Or Mark Hamill's post-motorcycle accident "Mannequin Skywalker" plastic-faced visage that reeks of way too much makeup.

Little wonder then that The Star Wars Holiday Special has been branded the worst moment of the entire franchise...

What the hell were they thinking?

But to its credit, The Star Wars Holiday Special did make a few (a few mind ya) decent contributions to the saga. The Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk was introduced, though it wouldn't get any more screen time until Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith in 2005. So was Chewbacca's family, which would be cemented in the mythology's canon by way of Expanded Universe literature. And then there is Boba Fett: the most famous bounty hunter in all of fiction made his debut in an animated segment during the special, just in time to whet fans' appetites for more of him a year and a half later when The Empire Strikes Back came out.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the fun that I got to have with The Star Wars Holiday Special when I was Humor editor of TheForce.net: it provided plenty of "bantha poodoo" for the Star Wars Captioning feature, like this one and this one and this one and this one.

For what it's worth, I think The Star Wars Holiday Special stands as a curious fixture of not only a successful legend, but of a cultural mindset as well. Something like this is a unique product of the Seventies: there's no way it would have been sanctioned even a few years later. For that at least, I have to render some faint appreciation for The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Anyhoo, if... if... you want to find out more, check out StarWarsHolidaySpecial.com. And if you just want to see how this fiasco begins, here's the opening courtesy of YouTube...

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