"Honest as the day is long!"

It's Friday night and I'm feeling extra goofy.  Also feeling pretty good about some more personal concerns too, and praying they'll soon... well, I'm just praying.

Anyhoo, it seems that lately too many people are awful tense and bummed-out about stuff.  So here's something that will make anybody laugh: a collection of Junior Samples' famous "BR-549" sketches from the classic country-comedy variety show Hee Haw!


Yup, that's George Lindsey (aka Goober from The Andy Griffith Show) as the robber in the first skit. And longtime Hee Haw fans of the masculine persuasion will no doubt remember Barbi Benton with much fondness!

Junior Samples is perhaps the all-time king of country rube humor.  He got his showbiz start at age 40 with a comedy recording about catching a big bass (he also nearly got in trouble with the fish and wildlife agents).  From there he was invited to join the cast of Hee Haw and became as much-beloved for his stumbles and bloopers as he was for his down-home demeanor.  Sadly, he passed away in 1983 at the age of 57.

And the phone number is "BR-549" for a reason.  Samples was from Cumming, Georgia and loved to go fishing on Lake Lanier.  And when it wasn't in the water his boat was kept at "Boat Ramp 549".

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Georgia city hall has a moonshine still (and it's legal too!)

This honestly shouldn't have to be said again, 'cuz I've made enough fuss about it already. But even so...

Folks, I really, really can not help anyone to build, buy or otherwise acquire a moonshine still.

The hit TV series Moonshiners is in the midst of its second season and as last year, this blog is getting slammed with visits from good people looking for information about moonshining in general and about Popcorn Sutton in particular. I'm very honored that The Knight Shift has become such a popular resource for this aspect of Appalachian culture and the most famous practitioner of the art.

But, ummmmm... this sincerely is all that I can do at the moment, friends and neighbors. The moment that such information does become readily available, I'll not only post where you can buy stills but I'll publish blueprints and plans for them too! Hey, I wanna see how a thump keg works as much as anyone else, but right now my hands are tied.

Meanwhile in the mountains of Georgia, the craft continues. Albeit in a most curious location...

The Washington Post has a pretty wild story about moonshiners setting up shop in the town hall of Dawsonville, Georgia. Now lest anyone think that Dawsonville has gone bust and these guys are squatters spiting "the man", y'all should know that the 'shine is being brewed legally! Something of a joint venture between the distillers and the town, among other things to preserve the mythology of moonshine in this part of the country.

I really dig stories like this. But I'm also of a mind that this is a very astute move on the part of the Dawsonville town fathers. What with the way the nation's economy is going down the tubes and how local municipalities are financially struggling, it's encouraging to see a city manufacturing and selling a product with marketable value. Yup, when hyperinflation hits and a hamburger will cost $100 million, Dawsonville will have a serious item of barter on its hands :-)

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Burger King hassles customers at McDonald's in Rome, Georgia

Police in Rome, Georgia (a town that I have some firsthand knowledge of) are on the lookout for none other than the Burger King himself, who allegedly stood outside the McDonald's restaurant there and commenced to handing out free hamburgers.

From the CBS News story...

Police were called to a local McDonald’s in relation to a disturbance caused by a man dressed as the Burger King.

In a police report provided to the Rome News-Tribune, officers indicated that they were summoned to the fast-food restaurant around 1 p.m. on Monday, in response to a call about a suspicious person on the premises.

The person was allegedly resplendent in full Burger King regalia.

Police stated that, upon his arrival, the Burger King mascot reportedly began to hand out free hamburgers to customers, and stopped to take pictures with several children.

Officers were additionally told that one child ran away from the man in fear, the paper learned.

Only ONE child ran away?! I'm a grown dude and the King wigs even me out.

Might as well have some fun with these pics that I collected last year when Burger King retired their creepy mascot, but haven't used yet...

And even though it's not about King Creepy, this is still too good not to share...

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Do the Georgia mountains harbor Mayan ruins?

Found this curious lil' article by one Richard Thornton at Examiner.com, as it was cited a number of times throughout this past day. If there's anything of merit to this thesis, there exists the possibility that the Maya civilization once stretched from the Yucatan as far north as Blairsville, Georgia!

From the article...

Archaeological zone 9UN367 at Track Rock Gap, near Georgia’s highest mountain, Brasstown Bald, is a half mile (800 m) square and rises 700 feet (213 m) in elevation up a steep mountainside. Visible are at least 154 stone masonry walls for agricultural terraces, plus evidence of a sophisticated irrigation system and ruins of several other stone structures. Much more may be hidden underground. It is possibly the site of the fabled city of Yupaha, which Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto failed to find in 1540, and certainly one of the most important archaeological discoveries in recent times.

According to the theory presented here, the age of these structures discovered in the Georgia wilderness corresponds to the sharp drop in the Mayan population of Mexico and Central America. Given how the Georgia sites bear striking similarities to Mayan irrigation canals and other constructs, along with some cultural and lingual evidence, it is the belief of some that there could have been a migration of Maya to the southern Appalachian region.

Wow!! VERY interesting, if there's any substance at all to this. It would go neatly hand-in-hand with a lot of the other stories that pervade this part of the country, like the massive Stonehenge-like megalith circle that once sat atop Stone Mountain (the Ku Klux Klan got ride of 'em about a hundred years ago when the likenesses of the Confederate generals were being carved into the rock face) and the local Native Americans said they had no idea who erected those boulders to begin with. Then there are the odd mounds and carvings here and there from South Carolina on up to the Ohio Valley.

Gonna be keeping a keen eye on this one. Stuff like this, it's practically like porn to me! :-P

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Attorney subpoenas red-light cameras to appear in court (they didn't, she won)

Something very similar to this happened to me in 2002, but I don't pretend to be an attorney so I couldn't do it as awesomely kewl as Georgia attorney Regina Quick did in court this week. I had to speed through a red-light camera intersection in Greensboro 'cuz the car behind me was about to rear-end me hard. A week later the citation came in the mail, and I didn't think it was fair.

So I filed a subpoena at the courthouse in Greensboro to have the source code for the software operating the cameras be given to me, so that I could "cross examine" it. 'Course, my real motive was to post it on the Internet so that better heads than my own could examine it.

Suffice it to say, my case was dropped like a hot rock.

At trial in Athens-Clarke Municipal Court on Tuesday however, it was the red-light cameras themselves which had been summoned to court in order to testify against two of Miss Quick's clients. The cameras were a no-show, and the judge found in favor of the defendants.

The story goes on to say that Athens-Clarke County is considering installing more of the cameras at intersections. Which tells me that they are another government jurisdiction with a budget shortfall, and is looking at making up for it by putting the safety of its citizens at risk. The Palm Beach Post this week ran a story in which it found that red-light cameras cause the rate of rear-end collisions to soar to more than double what they had been before the cameras were put in place. Figure that it's common knowledge by now that the duration of the yellow light at these intersections is usually much shorter than at a non-camera "assisted" intersection, and that the private companies under contract to run these cameras are profiting from each guilty citation, and there's a lot of reason to despise these things.

Remember: a robot is not a citizen. Not yet anyway. It doesn't enjoy the rights under the Constitution that you and I have. So if a droid sends you to court, dare it to take the stand.

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RED DAWN? Google reports Russians attacking Savannah, Georgia

"WOLVERINES!"

(Look, somebody had to say it... :-)

In a very wonky case of mistaken identity, Google News has been reporting that the Russian Army is invading Georgia... as in, Georgia in the southeastern United States! The mix-up stems from the trouble going on with Russia and Georgia, the country in the Caucasus between the Black Sea and the Caspian.

Don't worry folks. Even if the Russians take Savannah, there'll be hell to pay when they get to Athens. GO DAWGS!

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Town with mandatory gun ownership celebrates 25 years without a murder

A couple of days ago, I wrote here that the Virginia Tech massacre proves that gun laws don't work. And that a civilized society needs more decent people with guns.

Now comes an article proving my point: WorldNetDaily has a story about Kennesaw, Georgia: a town where there are not only no anti-gun laws, but it's mandatory for every home owner to have a gun. And in the quarter-century since enacting this law in 1982, there has not been one murder in Kennesaw. Also worth bearing in mind that in 1982 the population of Kennesaw was 5,242: at last count, the present population is 28,189... but the crime rate has dropped significantly since passage of the law.

Sounds like a nice place to live.

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He's on a mission from God

27 years after Jake and Elwood did it, somebody has finally acted out in real life the mall scene from The Blues Brothers. Stephen Lowe of Augusta, Georgia drove his SUV plum through the glass doors of the Augusta Mall and drove all over the place inside the mall. He even did Jake and Elwood one better: Lowe drove on the top floor of the mall. See some amazing footage of his rampage here and here.

It must be reported though that Lowe's career ended spectacularly short of that of the Blues Brothers, as he was apprehended outside the mall soon after.

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