Disney to remake THE BLACK HOLE

Disney's 1979 science-fiction space oddity The Black Hole is one of those "guilty pleasure" films for me. On one hand there are things like the U.S.S. Cygnus (my all time favorite design for a sci-fi spaceship) and then there are the multitudinous violations of physics and other scientific impossibilities (running around on the outside of a spaceship without suits and oxygen? Ummmmm...).

And now Disney is getting ready to "reinvent" The Black Hole. Aim here for the details from TheHollywoodReporter.com.

The Black Hole was Disney's first foray into "serious" storytelling beyond the G rating (meriting a PG instead). If the same film had been made today it might have well been a PG-13. The Black Hole was also Disney's first movie that literally sent small kids seeking therapy. Those cute lil' robots voiced by Roddy McDowell and Slim Pickens? Yeah, just let them weave their seductive Artoo-ish spell, while red robot Maximilian (another favorite design) looms silently over them. And then the themes of slavery and obsession that build up to that horrifying crescendo, before the trips to Heaven and Hell...

What in the world was Disney thinking?

Here's the ending sequence from The Black Hole. If you've never seen this before it will probably shock you that Disney in 1979 produced this movie, much less envisioned it to begin with...

"More light."

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First trailer for the A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET remake

Hmmmmm...

Much to my own surprise, I have to say this is a great trailer and it hints at what could end up being a fairly good movie. I'm going to always consider the original series featuring Robert Englund to be the definitive Elm Street canon, but Jackie Earle Haley is looking and sounding very good here as Freddy Krueger.

A Nightmare on Elm Street slashes its way into the waking world on April 30th, 2010.

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It's Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger!

Last night I started on the Watchmen Director's Cut DVD (review coming soon) and I was thinking then: Jackie Earle Haley might do all right as Freddy Krueger in the upcoming remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Now comes the first photo of Haley in the trademark hat, sweater and glove...

Can't see much of the face 'cuz it's swathed in shadow, but just going by this one pic it looks like Haley is channeling Freddy in all the right ways (though that may not necessarily be the healthiest of things to channel).

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Tapped-out Hollywood

They are remaking Total Recall.

And they are remaking The NeverEnding Story, too.

And as if that were not enough, they are also remaking Arthur.

I can kinda see how a re-do of Arthur (a movie that I haven't seen in ages) might work. But Total Recall and The NeverEnding Story? I have Total Recall on DVD: nineteen years after it first came out and it still holds its own against just about anything contemporary.

But regardless, I guess we are going to "Ged yor ahss to Mahs" all over again.

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And now they're remaking THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

Things don't get much worse than this...

Variety is reporting that MTV is going to remake The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

What I find particularly funny about this is that The Rocky Horror Picture Show was released in the summer of 1975... and it's still playing in theaters! It's the longest running theatrical release in movie history. I know of a few cinemas within driving distance of here that are still showing it. So this would be the first remake of a movie that is still selling tickets at the box office.

This does not need to happen. Ever. The Rocky Horror Picture Show was one of those things that happens so rarely, it's the acme of vanity to try to recreate or recapture that kind of lightning. There was a showing at Elon my first year there. Everyone who came to watch it got into the whole "audience participation" thing, including toilet paper and water pistols. I heard there were butter stains on the walls from where people were throwing toast all over the place. And although I never saw it there, I've heard it plenty said that when the theater at the old Carolina Circle Mall ran The Rocky Horror Picture Show every Saturday at midnight, the place was packed and with lots of regulars coming in costume. How does something like that get "remade"? It would be like trying to remake The Beatles.

The only way this could possibly work is to get Joss Whedon to do it (based on what I've heard of his Dr. Horrible, which I still haven't seen 'cuz I was out of the country for the most part, he could probably pull it off). Maybe I would feel a smidgeon of curiosity about it. But otherwise, leave it alone. 'Cuz it's gonna be impossible to improve on something like this...

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The first trailer for the remake of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

We do not need this movie. It's like remaking Gone With The Wind, or 2001: A Space Odyssey.

(Or maybe my mouth still has a bad taste in it from the mess that was I Am Legend.)

Keanu Reeves as Klaatu is intriguing though. And at least they seem to have kept the classic look for Gort...

Blast here for the first trailer (in Quicktime format) for The Day the Earth Stood Still.

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ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK remake script gets amazingly positive early review!

We've known for a few months now that New Line was remaking Escape from New York, this time with Gerard Butler as Snake Plissken (the role in the original that's probably most responsible for catapulting Kurt Russell to fame). I really liked Butler's portrayal as Leonidas in 300 but all the same: an Escape from New York remake? That's one of my favorite movies of all time, in spite of how "dated" it now is.

I've thought for awhile that a remake wasn't necessary: that John Carpenter or somebody should just "enhance" the original. So much did I think this was a good idea that a year ago I attempted my own "re-edit" of the 1982 original movie. The "Chris Knight edit" was going to be more timeless, set during a vague point in time in a post-9/11 world. I managed to "tweak" the audio so that Hauk tells Snake that he's landing the glider atop Trump Tower (since the World Trade Center was no longer there). And I was able to completely remove the center's twin towers from the shot where we first see the city after rising over the wall. But the most complete that the project got was the "retouched" script, which I just worked to update some details. Other than that, it was the very same story. And I haven't wanted that to be messed with one bit.

Well, guess what...

Merrick over at Ain't It Cool News wound up with a draft of the script for the Escape from New York remake. And what does Merrick have to say about this project?

...let's concentrate on my theory about what legitimizes a remake…or what ingredients make for a "successful" remake. From my perspective, there are two factors that might make a remake worthwhile:

1) Do the current filmmakers demonstrate a respect for/understanding of the source material they're drawing from?

2) Do whatever NEW elements filmmakers bring to a remake a) Feel like organic extensions of the story they’re remaking, or b) Help realize qualities that couldn’t be brought to the screen the first time around (due to budgetary limitations, social restraints, or... whatever)?

Which brings us back to the script for New Line's currently-in-development remake of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. Does it meet the above criteria? Surprisingly enough... bewilderingly enough... and I never thought I'd say this... ever... SO FAR... YES!!!

There are spoilers galore in his review. If you don't want to read those, let me put it this way: after reading Merrick's take on this, if this is the direction that they're taking with redoing Escape from New York, then this is one movie that I am absolutely anticipating as much as any other. The new Escape from New York sounds as if it's going to be among the most faithful and respectful to the original material out of all the remakes that we've seen too much of in recent years.

I just can't begin to say how excited I am all of a sudden for this movie! So count Escape from New York as a movie that I'll be making period reports about between now and it's premiere.

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They are re-making CONAN THE BARBARIAN

That's it. Hollywood is officially a depleted sow. The field has been plowed and planted so many times that nothing fresh is growing in it. It's dead, Jim.

Find out about it here, in a story primarily about another remake (of Brian De Palma's Dressed to Kill).

Incidentally, I watched last year's remake of The Omen a few days ago on HBO. That was another classic movie that never warranted a remake, at all. The same is true for Conan the Barbarian (can you believe a few weeks ago was the 25th anniversary of it's premiere?).

In my opinion, Conan the Barbarian is about as perfect a movie as you can find. So many great elements all working together in that film... The soundtrack by Basil Poledouris is easily one of the most listened-to things on my MP3 player whenever I'm driving (I love all the tracks but I'm especially fond of "Anvil of Crom" and "Atlantean Sword"). Poledouris is now gone from us. As is Mako: it would not be a Conan movie without Mako, I hate to say. Look, this was the movie that brought Oliver Stone and John Milius to work together: if that doesn't speak volumes about this film's power, I don't know what will.

Conan the Barbarian had something going for it, that can never be replicated. And this remake will suck donkeys balls to no end for trying (yes I actually said that, which is the worst insult I ever give to anything or anyone). Don't do this, Hollywood: you're skating on thin ice as it is...

"And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"

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