Does this look like Lucille Ball to you?

The people of Celeron, New York are condemning... and that may be too nice a word... a bronze statue of hometown heroine Lucille Ball.

Here is said statue:

Ye gods, what a monster!!  It looks like something out of The Walking Dead.  Makes me wonder if this is what June Cleaver would be like envisioned by H.P. Lovecraft.  That is nothing like the stunning beauty, amazing actress, comedic legend and all-out wonderful person that Lucille Ball was.

To sum up: Celeron does not love this Lucy.

The statue has been up since 2009.  No real notion as to why only now is it getting the attention it is (maybe it's 'cuz in recent days a Facebook page about it has been created and racked up a zillion likes).  New York Daily News has more about this bronze monstrosity.

And I can't help but wonder if it works for Celeron, maybe going a similar route would deliver my own hometown of our pending atrocity.

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The most interesting carpool passenger in the world

I did something like this coming through Atlanta alone several years ago.  Except instead of what this guy did or having a mannequin, I used a pillow wearing my leather jacket and I went the whole way through the high-occupancy lane with my left hand on the wheel and my right one holding the pillow up and in sight.

How I cleared Atlanta while doing that, I'll never know.

From the Associated Press via Q13Fox News in Seattle...

Most Interesting Man in World' fails as carpool lane ruse

FIFE, Wash. (AP) — A Washington State Patrol trooper says it’s by far the best carpool scam he’s seen, but it didn’t work.

A motorcycle trooper parked along Interstate 5 near Tacoma on Monday afternoon spotted a driver and a rather unusual “passenger” pass by him in the carpool lane.

When the trooper stopped the car, he discovered the “passenger” was a cardboard cutout of the actor who portrays “The Most Interesting Man in the World” in Dos Equis beer ads.

The driver’s response?

“He’s my best friend.”

The highway patrol didn't confiscate The Most Interesting Man in the World, but they did tell the driver to not use him again.

Later on the patrolman tweeted: "I don’t always violate the HOV lane law … but when I do, I get a $124 ticket."

I love stories like this.  You have to give this guy props for some ingenuity even if it didn't work.  And hey, from the photo above it looks like he's still having a good time despite the error of his ways.

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Watch it now: the legendary CNN "end of the world" video

One of the things I've always wanted to do with this blog is post interesting stuff.  Or at least those things that are intriguing to me.  Admittedly, that has slacked off a lot in the past several months.  Between writing my book (a project that devoured most of 2014) and then Dad's passing a month and a half ago, this hasn't  been the best of times to even look for neat/odd material, much less post about it.  Maybe I can do better about that in the coming year.

And fortunately good friend Scott Kelly has come to the rescue with something to kick it off with:

Cue James Earl Jones voiceover: "THIS... was CNN."

I first heard weird stories about "the CNN doomsday tape" around the time of the Gulf War in 1991.  Allegedly, CNN founder Ted Turner has made a video that would be the very last thing that his cable news network would broadcast before the end of the world engulfed all of mankind in hellfire, brimstone, plague or zombie apocalypse.  The plan was that when the very last CNN employee was left alive in the building, the "play" button would be hit and this would be the final thing that whatever viewers were left would witness on CNN.

Turns out it's not so much a legend.  And CNN employees have known about it for years.  However, this is the first time that the video itself has found its way into public purview.

Jalopnik has a great write-up about Ted Turner's end-times CNN tape, which is still within the network's video archive listed as "TURNER DOOMSDAY VIDEO" under strictest orders that it not be broadcast "till end of the world confirmed".  Included in the article is the video itself: of a military band playing "Nearer My God To Thee".

In a really odd way it reminds me of the night of 9/11.  My best friend was working in the CNN Building in Atlanta at the time, and all evening we were talking back and forth on AOL Instant Messenger.  It was really something to be hearing directly from the bowels of what was almost certainly the most-watched news network in the world at that moment.  I've still got the log of that IM session somewhere.

I once heard that Orson Welles had recorded a radio broadcast meant for the end of the world.  But I haven't been able to find anything about that.  Perhaps some reader of this blog will be able to enlighten me more about that.

Anyway, it's a good article.  Well worth reading if you're into matters of technological history.  Which is curious in this matter in that the video is still in 4:3 aspect ratio at standard definition, so if you don't have a high-def set you can still watch CNN cover Armageddon.

EDIT 6:47 p.m. EST:   I've watched this video a few more times and the more I think about it, the less funny it seems.

Consider: this tape was made in 1981.  Kids today don't realize how SCARY things were back then, at the height of the Cold War and the fear that any moment there would be nuclear war between the U.S. and the Soviets.  1983 seems especially vivid: when the Russians shot down the South Korean airliner and then not long after when the TV movie The Day After aired.  The policy of mutually-assured destruction meant that both sides understood that an attack by one superpower would mean the destruction of each nation and with that it would almost certainly be the end of all civilization, everywhere.

We lived.  We laughed.  We had babies.  But above it all there was a lingering fear that somehow or another, The Button would be pressed by one side or the other and the biblical end times would be upon us just like that.  I was at a Christian school at the time and with few exceptions there was an air of paranoia among the faculty: as if it had to be drilled into our heads that Russia was the tool of Satan eagerly waiting to unleash an unholy salvo against America so we'd better "get right" with God before it was too late.

That was years before I came to understand that we enter into a relationship with God because we want to, not because we are forced into it by others.  But I digress...

So yeah: we went about our lives.  All the while knowing that nuclear war could erupt and that would be the end of everything.

Bearing that in mind, I could easily envision a scenario where before the bombs hit, a CNN employee might actually get confirmation that the nukes were inbound and that the network really was "signing off" for good.

So that said, this really is a fascinating and legitimate artifact of the 1980s.

EDIT 7:07 p.m. EST:  Maybe I should do something like that for this blog.  Like, have a YouTube video embedded in a post ready to be deployed for when the nukes fall or the undead overwhelm us all.  Or at least a "final post" that friends will unload upon my demise.  What do y'all think?

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North Carolina town councilman tenders resignation... in Klingon

Gowron, not David Waddell
(but Gowron should have
resigned too, when you
think about it...)

That does it: if I ever run for office again and win, I'm going to give my acceptance speech in High-Elvish Sindarin!

Indian Trail is a nice town near Charlotte here in North Carolina.  And one of its city councilmmembers - one David Waddell - had decided that "enough was enough" about the way the officials of Indian Trail were handling what he considers to be development run amok, among other things.  Exasperated by it all, David Waddell decided to resign his seat.

Except that he did it using the Klingon language: the tongue spoken by the proud warrior race from the Star Trek franchise.

Here's the story from The Charlotte Observer:

An Indian Trail councilman decided to boldly go where no politician has gone before – and tendered his resignation this week in the Klingon language.

Apparently David Waddell no longer wanted to live long and prosper on the board.

In an interview Thursday, Waddell said his resignation letter to Mayor Michael Alvarez was written in Klingon, the language of a proud warrior race in the “Star Trek” TV shows and movies, as an inside joke. But in case the mayor wasn’t up to speed with his Klingon, Waddell included a translation using Bing.com.

“Folks don’t know what to think of me half the time,” said Waddell, so “I might as well have one last laugh” on the board.

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/01/02/4582880/indian-trail-councilman-resigns.html#.UscUbs4uf5m#storylinAndAnd here's the text (and English translation) of Waddell's letter:

And here's the letter that Waddell submitted, in both Klingon with English translation:

"Perhaps today is a good day to resign"!  Good play, David.  You may have left a Klingon, but it sure sounds like you tried to bring the logical mind of a Vulcan to city politics.  May you live long and prosper!

(Tip o' the hat to friends of this blog Eric Wilson and Joshua Phoebus for passing this story along.)

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When animals attack: cows and snakes

A man in Brazil has died after a cow on top of his roof crashed through the ceiling of his house and crushed him in his bed.

From the story at The Telegraph...

The cow is believed to have escaped from a nearby farm and climbed onto the roof of the couple's house, which backs onto a steep hill on Wednesday night.

The corrugated roof immediately gave way and the one-and-a-half-ton animal fell eight feet onto Mr de Souza's side of the bed.

His wife, and the cow, both reportedly escaped unharmed.

Rescuers took Mr de Souza to hospital with a fractured left leg but no other obvious injuries, reporting that he was conscious and talking normally.

Hours later however he died from internal bleeding while still waiting to be seen by doctors, according to his family.

Mr de Souza's brother-in-law Carlos Correa told Brazil's Hoje em Dia newspaper: "Being crushed by a cow in your bed is the last way you expect to leave this earth.

"But in my view it wasn't the cow that killed our Joao, it was the unacceptable time he spent waiting to be examined."

His grieving mother, Maria de Souza, told Brazil's SuperCanal TV channel: "I didn't bring my son up to be killed by a falling cow."

 Meanwhile over in Israel, another man is recovering after he went to a restroom to "drain the main vein" and a snake leaped out of the toilet and bit him on his penis.

Fortunately it was small (the snake, not the... nevermind).  And it was also determined at the hospital to be non-poisonous (again, the snake).

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Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz is officially verboten

It's taken an act of legislation to wipe out the longest word in the German language.

"You vill EAT your
rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz
undt you vill LUFF it!!"

"Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz" - a 63-letter long title for a law "for the delegation of monitoring beef labelling" - has been removed from official use in Germany.  The law, passed in 1999, regulated testing cattle for bovine spongiform encephalitis: also known as "mad cow disease".  The European Community is dropping recommendations for testing healthy cattle for the disease.  And with it goes... that word.

I bet spelling bees are something else over there...

Tip o' the hat to Scott Bradford for spotting this!

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Mormon bishop with Samurai sword rescues woman from stalker, takes punk's ChapStick for DNA and screams "YOU ARE SO DONE!"

Read.  Just read.  From the Associated Press courtesy of TheBlaze.com...

Samurai Sword-Wielding Mormon Bishop Saves Woman From Attacker: ‘You Are So Done’

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop helped a neighbor woman escape a Tuesday morning attack by a man who had been stalking her.

Hendrix and his weapon of choice (Photo Credit: AP)

Kent Hendrix woke up Tuesday to his teenage son pounding on his bedroom door and telling him somebody was being mugged in front of their house. The 47-year-old father of six rushed out the door and grabbed the weapon closest to him – a 29-inch high carbon steel Samurai sword.

 He came upon what he describes as a melee between a woman and a man. His son stayed inside to call 911 while he approached the man along with other neighbors who came to help. The martial arts instructor didn’t hesitate in drawing the sword and yelling at him to get on the ground.

“His eyes got as big as saucers and he kind of gasped and jumped back,” Hendrix said by phone Tuesday afternoon. “He’s probably never had anyone draw a sword on him before.”

The man ran down the street with the barefoot Hendrix and others in pursuit. Hendrix said he couldn’t catch the man before he fled in his car, but he picked up ChapStick that the man dropped and memorized his license plate.

“I yelled at him, ‘I’ve got your DNA and I’ve got your license plate: You are so done,’” Hendrix said.

The suspect, 37-year-old Grant Eggersten, turned himself in to police an hour later, said Unified Police Lt. Justin Hoyal.

No wonder!  Hendrix said this was his first time in thirty years of martial arts instruction that he's ever had to draw his sword.

 Tip of the hat to the one and only Erik Yaple for such a wacky good find!

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Don't want to marry your sister? There's an app for that!

Incest is a terrible thing.  But when you're one person among a population of 300 thousand, your odds of contributing to genetic bottleneck go substantially up.  That's the problem in Iceland, where just about everyone is related to everyone else and some downright... creepy... marital relations have inadvertently come about.

(I'm assuming those were inadvertent anyway...)

Enter App of Icelanders, a new app for Android-based devices.  Utilizing a database called Book of Icelanders that has data on 95% of the country's native population going back 300 years, smartphone users can find information about their family with the touch of a finger.  But the real gimmick is what the developers have named the "Incest Prevention Alarm": by merely touching your Android smartphone with another also loaded with App of Icelanders, the software automatically determines if you and the other person are cousins.  Or brothers.  Or sisters.  Or parent and child...

(Hey, it happened to Oedipus didn't it?!)

The developers have come up with a catchy ad slogan for their product: "Bump in the app before you bump in the bed".  If you have an Android phone and you're Icelandic, you can find it here.

Bump here for more about this app, which is no doubt being coded-up even as we speak for segments of the population in certain quarters of Appalachia...

Apple should jump on this for iOS gadgets.  It could be called iNcest!

(I'll just leave by the back door...)

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Les Misérables: Man arrested trading McDonald's meal for sex

From KOB.com comes this weird story of how the hard economy has hit even the prostitution trade...

Police: New Mexico man traded McDonalds for sex

This happy meal didn’t end with a treat.

A New Mexico man was arrested for allegedly trading a sex with a woman for a meal at McDonalds.

Albuquerque police found Donald Jones, 58, at Bullhead Park with a woman he picked up near Central and Virginia.

According to the criminal complaint, Jones picked up the woman in an area known for prostitution. Police watched Jones order food at a McDonald’s drive thru window and head to a nearby park.

On their way to the park Jones told police he purchased the woman food and asked how she would reimburse him, the criminal complaint states.

Police confronted the pair at the park and saw the woman pulling up her pants in the car.

I bet he could have scored an entire brothel if they had brought back the McRib!

Wendy's should pounce on this and bring back a classic ad campaign...

"Where's the Beef?"

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Man's $150 "toy poodles" really ferrets on steroids

A retiree in Argentina bought two toy poodles for about $150 (American) each.  When he brought them home it was discovered that the "dogs" were in reality two ferrets pumped-up with steroids and then had their fur styled to make them look like poodles!

From Mail Online's article about this very bizarre con...

"Beware of rodent"

Gullible bargain hunters at Argentina's largest bazaar are forking out hundreds of dollars for what they think are gorgeous toy poodles, only to discover that their cute pooch is in fact a ferret pumped up on steroids.

One retired man from Catamarca, duped by the knock-down price for a pedigree dog, became suspicious he had bought what Argentinians call a 'Brazilian rat' and when he returned home took the 'dogs' to a vet for their vaccinations.

Imagine his surprise when his suspicious were confirmed - he had in fact purchased two ferrets that had been given steroids at birth to increase their size and then had some extra grooming to make their coats resemble a fluffy toy poodle.

Previously considered an urban legend of the giant La Salada market, local television news in the capital, Buenos Aires, discovered that the unidentified man was not alone - another woman had been told that she was buying a Chiuhuahua, but ended up with a ferret.

It's still not as weird as that surgery which turned a goat into a unicorn for the circus, but pretty crazy all the same.

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Fake bishop crashes pre-conclave Vatican

"One of these is not like the others.  One of these
just doesn't belong."

No matter your religious persuasion (even my Catholic friends are finding this hilarious) you gotta admit that this is pretty funny!

On Monday a man identifying himself as "Bishop Basilius" of the Italian Orthodox Church arrived at the Vatican supposedly to attend the meetings in advance of the conclave of cardinals which will elect the successor of Benedict XVI, who stepped down from the papacy last week.

The problem is, there is no such thing as the "Italian Orthodox Church".  But that's not what aroused the suspicion of the Swiss Guard.  It was mostly because Bishop Basilius was wearing a cassock that was too short, black tennis shoes, a "strange-looking chain" holding his crucifix, and a purple scarf around his waist instead of the traditional sash.

Oh yeah, and he also donned a black fedora.

Basilius - who claimed to represent an organization called "Corpus Dei" - was already past the security checkpoint and found shaking hands with Cardinal Sergio Sebiastiana when the Swiss Guard apprehended him.  "Basilius" turned out to be in fact Ralph Napierski, a German citizen who apparently has a long history of pranking and mocking the Roman Catholic Church (he also lists himself as a practitioner of "Jesus yoga").

Click here for more about the strange but true tale of Bishop Basilius.

Of course this isn't the first time that someone has impersonated high-ranking members of the Catholic clergy...

"Authorities say the phony pope
can be identified by his high-top sneakers,
and incredibly foul mouth."

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FRESH PRINCE flipped turned upside down, gets public schools to lockdown!

A 19-year old's voice-mail rendition of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song caused the entire public school system where he lived to go on lockdown because a receptionist interpreted it as a threat.

Travis Clawson of Economy, Pennsylvania has a recording of himself singing the theme from the popular Nineties sitcom starring Will Smith (right).  The receptionist at his eye doctor's office called Clawson to confirm an upcoming appointment.  Instead of Clawson answering it went to his voice-mail greeting.  And the receptionist thought she heard Clawson singing "shooting people outside of the school."

The actual line is "And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school".

The receptionist then called Ambridge Area High School where Clawson is a student.  The officials then dialed 911.  That contacted the police and put out an alert to all the schools in the system.  The cops finally located Clawson in a guidance counselor's office and arrested him.

Ummmm... wow.

Mash here for more of this bizarre story at TimesOnline.com.

And tip o' the hat to Scott Bradford for this hilarious find!

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United Nations has gone to the dogs...

Dachshund UN, a "a miniature version of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights where the world's leaders are replaced by dogs", has opened in Toronto and runs through March 4th.  38 dachshunds represent the United States, Canada, France, Germany and other countries.  Australian artist Bennett Miller chose dachshunds because they come in so many varieties of color and fur (akin to the racial makeup of the real UN) and because they "are impressive but restricted, you can match that to the United Nations".

CP24.com has an in-depth article about Dachshund UN  that will leave you wondering if the wiener dogs might do a better job at the real United Nations than us humans :-)

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Man arrested for releasing red helium balloons for girlfriend

Found a rather strange story about Anthony Brasfield, who was arrested by the Florida Highway Patrol on a felony charge.

His crime: releasing a dozen or so red and silver heart-shaped balloons into the sky for his girlfriend.

From the article at Sun-Sentinel.com...

Also watching the romantic gesture: an FHP trooper, who instead noted probable cause for an environmental crime.

Brasfield was charged with polluting to harm humans, animals, plants, etc. under the Florida Air and Water Pollution Control Act.

Endangered marine turtle species and birds, such as wood storks and brown pelicans, seek refuge in John U. Lloyd State Park, about 1.5 miles east of the motel.

Between 2008 and 2012, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement said there were 21 arrests statewide under the rarely used environmental crime statute. The third-degree felony is punishable by up to five years in prison.

Five years in prison for setting loose some cheap helium balloons? He should feel lucky. Back in the old days, releasing red balloons into the air could possibly trigger World War III.


I'll 'fess up: in addition to this being a screwy story about environmentalism gone amok, I just wanted a reason to post Nena's "99 Red Balloons" video.

(And yes, I know the original German title is "99 Luftballons"...)

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The strange Cold War bar codes across America

The "bar code" at Walker Field, Maryland

Adjacent to the runway of a Navy airfield in Maryland is a paved rectangle.  And within that area are a series of quadrilaterals painted bright white, in pairs and ascending in size.

By itself its existence would be a mystery, or at least a curiosity.  Except that it is one of dozens to be known throughout the United States, with most of those found near military bases and other restricted facilities.  Some remote locations have entire arrays of the "bar codes" stretching for miles toward the horizon.

So what are these test pattern-ish arrangements?  Based on available evidence, they seem to have been put in place by the government during the first few decades of the Cold War.  With tensions high between the U.S. and the Soviet Union, the advent of high-altitude aircraft reconnaissance - and then "spy" satellites - became an important asset of military intelligence.  And as with any other system of optics those high-flying cameras needed a means of determining that they were properly focused.

The rectanglular codes, therefore, are apparently intended to calibrate the zoom and resolution of aircraft and satellite photography.  F'rinstance: letting an SR-71 use one to adjust its precision camera before sending it to fly across the Iron Curtain.

From the original article at Mail Online...

Consisting of a concrete pad measuring 78ft by 53ft and coated in a heavy black and white paint, they are decorated with patterns consisting of parallel and perpendicular bars in 15 or so different sizes.

This pattern, sometimes referred to as a 5:1 aspect Tri-bar Array, is similar to those used to determine the zoom resolution of microscopes, telescopes, cameras, and scanners.
The targets function like an optician's eye chart, with the smallest group of bars discernable marking the limit of the resolution for the camera being tested, according to the CLUI.

'For aerial photography, it provides a platform to test, calibrate, and focus aerial cameras traveling at different speeds and altitudes,' the CLUI adds.

'The targets can also be used in the same way by satellites.'

Ironic, aye?  That military secrets from fifty years ago are now wide-out in the open because of that same technology and Google Earth.  Anyone with a desktop or tablet can now view what likely had been classified top secret by the CIA.

I wonder what else might be on the ground across the fruited plain, waiting to be discovered...

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So... about that "Peter of Rome" thingy...

sigh...

Honestly, I did not want to address this at all. I'll admit some wacky speculation on this site before (mostly a reflection of an earlier incarnation, a few "regenerations" back in Doctor Who parlance) but the last thing I want is for this blog to descend into conspiracy-theory territory. The sort that the History Channel has been devolving into the past few years...

"I'm not saying that it's aliens... but IT'S ALIENS."

But seeing as how FOUR e-mails have come in during the past 48 hours, asking for my take on this, it might as well get some blogspace. And this is the only time that I'm gonna touch upon this.

The gist of the inquiries has been: "Hey Chris, what do you think about the next pope being Petrus Romanus from the Malachy prophecy?"

It's one of the more prominent bits of odd lore accumulated over the centuries. That in 1139 an Irish archbishop named Malachy (later Saint Malachy) had a prophetic vision of all the popes that were to come until the end of time. Supposedly Malachy wrote down his vision as a series of Latin phrases for each respective future pope. And then - so the story goes - his recording of the vision was put onto the dusty shelves of the Vatican's archives and forgotten until 1590, when it was found anew.

There is considerable evidence suggesting that Malachy's "papal forecast" is a forgery created shortly before its "discovery". Nonetheless, there are many who contend that Malachy's purported "New Fathers Almanac" has proven remarkably accurate in recent centuries. You can read the entire prophecy yourself, if you feel so led. Indeed, it is a curious coincidence that the phrase corresponding to John Paul II, "De labore Solis", has been translated as "from the eclipse of the Sun"... and that John Paul II was born during a solar eclipse in 1920 and was buried during a solar eclipse in 2005. It was curious enough that I made a blog post about it at the time. Parse all of this as you will...

Anyhoo, after John Paul II's respective entry we get this: "Gloria olivæ", meaning "The glory of the Olives". That Benedict XVI chose his papal name in reference to the Benedictine Order, a symbol of which is an olive branch, has not gone unremarked by, ummmm... "certain folks".

Here is where things threaten to get completely wonky...

The very next pope after Gloria olivæ is "Petrus Romanus", translated from Latin as "Peter the Roman". And here is Malachy's alleged description for this pope:

In persecutione extrema S.R.E. sedebit Petrus Romanus, qui pascet oves in multis tribulationibus: quibus transactis civitas septicollis diruetur, & Judex tremêdus judicabit populum suum. Finis.

Translated into English thusly:

"In extreme persecution, the seat of the Holy Roman Church will be occupied by Peter the Roman, who will feed the sheep through many tribulations, at the term of which the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge his people. The End."

So according to Malachy's vision, the next pope, "Peter the Roman", will be the occupant of the Vatican when the end of the world finally happens.

Some have suggested that Peter the Roman will be the Antichrist, or at least the False Prophet described in the Book of Revelation.

And we thought Aerys II Targaryen was bad news...

Awright, well... what do I think about this, Saint Malachy's "Prophecy of the Popes"?

I think a lot of people are about to be disappointed.

I do not believe that there is anything particularly mystical about Malachy's prophecies. For one thing, any one of the mottoes listed could be interpreted a dozen ways and more. The phrase corresponding to John Paul II has at least three that I'm aware of, including one that would mean "From the turmoil of the east", AKA from behind the Iron Curtain of eastern Europe (John Paul II coming from Poland in the days of Communist rule). For another thing, it remains quite possible that there exists, in the case of Saint Malachy's purported vision, a thing as "self-fulfilling prophecy". The "Prophecy of the Popes" certainly must be something that every Catholic clergyman is aware of. It's not hard to imagine that it would lurk on the subconscious edge of all who have ever been involved in the higher administrations of the Roman Catholic Church and thus, might play an unacknowledged part in the roll call of popes.

So lemme be succinct: I believe that after Benedict XVI steps down as pope on February 28th, that there will be the prescribed Conclave of the College of Cardinals. A new pope will be elected. He will be according to our Catholic brethren the Bishop of Rome, the Vicar of Christ, the successor to Saint Peter. And then at the end of his term, whether by death or by resignation, he will be succeeded by another. And that pope will eventually be succeeded. And so on.

In other words: Malachy's prophecy will probably be rendered thoroughly kaput during the next few years. If not months, or even weeks. Over four hundred years of worrying about the end of the world (at least on the papal forecast's watch) will cease. The "Prophecy of the Popes" will become considered an odd relic of Armageddon-ish hysteria.

But I don't think for a moment that the Mother of All Silly Seasons isn't descending upon us fast and hard. If you thought that the "Mayan Apocalypse" stuff was crazy, y'all ain't seen nuthin' yet. Heck, I've seen more essays and articles about "Petrus Romanus"/"Peter the Roman" - from both the mainstream press and "new media" such as established blogs - published in the past 48 hours than I've seen during the past fifteen years put together.

Brace yourself, Dear Reader. The wackiness is already ramping up and it's about to go full-tilt balls-to-the-walls off-the-chain bonkers.

Be of good cheer! Lord willing, I'm gonna be an old gray man taking my grandchildren to see Star Wars Episode XXVII someday. And long before that happens we will have all forgotten about the imminent hysterics.

But I have to confess: I'm probably going to be in a near-constant giggle-fit watching the stuff that's going to be happening soon:

"I'm not saying it's the end of the world... but IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD."

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BattleMech in the Russian Revolution wrecks havoc with Australian students!

From the land Down Under, The Age has the following very strange story of historical revisionism and giant robots. From the article...

VCE scores changed over Battle Tech Marauder confusion

February 8, 2013
Jewel Topsfield

One hundred and thirty confused VCE history students had their scores adjusted after an artwork featuring a mysterious robot who appeared to be assisting socialist revolutionaries in 1917 was accidentally used in last year's exam.

The VCE exam body apologised after the doctored version of Storming of the Winter Palace by Nikolai Kochergin formed part of a question about the Russian Revolution in the History: Revolutions exam.

The altered image had been sourced from the internet.

While many students did not notice a giant robot - rather like BattleTech Marauder II – in the background of the artwork, others were distracted by the strange image, suggesting it was anything from a statue of prime minister Alexander Kerensky, who was supported by the Mensheviks, to the battleship Aurora.

A Victorian Curriculum and Assessment Authority spokesman said that of the 2379 students who answered that question in the exam, 130 or 5.5 per cent, had their scores adjusted due to the robot.

The exam body looked at every student's answer to the question in relation to their marks on the rest of the paper.

Where their score for that question was significantly lower than the projected score, it was adjusted up to the expected range.

The VCAA spokesman said 27 students referred to the robot image in their answer.

Click on the above link to see the original painting as well as a close-up model of a Maurader II BattleMech.

Those students were way off anyway: everyone knows that Alexsandr Kerensky piloted an Atlas BattleMech, not a Maurader II!

(That's all I got.)

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Dung beetles use Milky Way to move poop

That's odd. I've eaten lots of Milky Way bars at my girlfriend's house...

...and I didn't know the stuff was a laxative.

*rimshot* "Yes ladies and gentlemen I'll be here all week!!"

Actually I speak of the Milky Way Galaxy, which is most visible in the Southern Hemisphere and which the humble dung beetle of sub-Saharan Africa uses for stellar navigation, scientist have recently discovered.

It's like this: dung beetles roll around balls of... ummm, "Number Two". They need to do it fast and in a straight line away from the source so that other natural predators of poo won't swipe it first. During the nighttime hours the dung beetles use the Moon to guide them. But on nights when there is no lunar light, something else is required.

So these researchers conducted a series of experiments and found that in the absence of the Moon, the Milky Way (the most concentrated visible part of it anyway, the brightest part being the galactic center in the direction of Sagittarius) suffices for the dung beetle's navigational needs

Pretty cool. So not only is the dung beetle the strongest animal on the planet in terms of weight ratios, it's also the first insect found to use the stars to guide their way.

Sorta "stinks to high heaven" in a perverse sort of way, huh?

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Police say Oates chewed up Hall's face!

No not THAT Hall and Oates!!

(And just to be safe, it wasn't that Police either...)

Mash down here for the strange but true story of Hall and Oates giving whole new meaning to "Maneater".

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"Jedi Knight" now 7th most popular religion in UK

First it was Darth Vader joining the Lutheran Church in Iceland...

...and now the "ancient religion" of the Jedi is the seventh most practiced faith in the United Kingdom! Nearly 180,000 people in Great Britain and Wales put their religion as "Jedi Knight" during that country's most recent census.

The warrior-monk creed from the Star Wars saga came in after Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Judaism and Buddhism.

Ehhhhh, Star Wars ubergeek though I be, this would be going too far in my book.

But then again, Star Wars mixing it up with religious practices can have some pretty fun results...

(Please forgive me Jeff, but I've been wanting to use that pic for a long long time... :-P )

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