About next week's presidential inauguration...

Why must it cost $50 million to lay one's right hand atop a Bible and repeat an oath to uphold something that is going to be broken anyway?

For that kind of money, it darned well better be a Gutenberg he's swearing it on.

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Quit shoving Valentine's Day down my throat when I'm still recovering from Christmas

You know how stores like Wal-Mart and Target and everyone else start putting their Valentine's Day stuff out the day after Christmas, and how on November 1st everything Christmas is already on full-bore display with all that candy that got marked half-off the only sign that Halloween has passed? And then when Valentine's is over, the Easter crap is already put up less than 24 hours later?

I hate that.

Life is too short without profit-mad corporate retailers speeding it up even more. I mean, is this how we divide the years of our lives: into Christmas shopping time and Halloween shopping time and Kwanzaa shopping time and Bastille Day shopping time and...? Shouldn't we be afforded a little space in-between holidays to have a normal life and able to reflect on the things about it that matter, WITHOUT being expected to buy buy buy stuff just to feel like we "belong" among the masses?

Therefore, here's a proposal I'd like to make: Congress should pass a law mandating that merchants can only start promoting a holiday within 3 weeks of that holiday. First violation will incur a fine up to, but not exceeding, $1 billion. Second violation will have the CEO of the company dragged out into the street and hung from the nearest telephone pole by his/her circular reproductive units with piano wire. Third violation will automatically enforce a fifty-year ban on being able to buy commercial time during the Super Bowl, on top of which the company will be required to pay market value for at least two but not more than five airings of the old Burger King "Herb" ad campaign during the first Super Bowl after conviction.

If all else fails, the rebellious retailer will be court-ordered to make as it's official spokesperson, at the judge's discretion, (a) Martha Stewart, (b) a Hindu untouchable named Shorty, or (c) those two guys who played Bulk and Skull on the original "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers".

What say ye, fellow Americans?

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Hell yes I AM TOO a serious Christian writer, dammit!!

It's occurred to me - on several occassions - that some people visiting this blog might go away feeling confused, and perhaps even upset or offended, at some of the language that I use here at times. And maybe that it runs wildly afoul of my claim to be a Christian and that must be something I need to bear in mind: my testimony before others, including my mannerisms and speech, should be a reflection of God's presence in my life so that others might see it. And if I'm not allowing God the fullest sovereignty or at least enough to keep from sounding like a Kid Rock video, wouldn't that make me out to be a hypocrite?

It really felt weighed on my chest to address this issue, and maybe point toward this post if it should come up again (as one person tonight did pass along a private mail about it). So here goes...

Yes, I do sometimes use what is considered to be "vulgarity", "swearing", "harsh language", whatever you want to term it. But hopefully you've noticed that I'm very, VERY selective in choosing which words to use and when to use them. They aren't used indiscriminantly by any measure: in last night's post mocking the Armstrong Williams "pundit-ola" scandal I started off with the word "Hell"... and not in the theological sense either. A lot of people and especially fellow Christians would find using "Hell" like that to be the hallmark of a wicked tongue. There's been no regret in my heart for running with it.

Words are but a pitiful vehicle through which we strive to convey thoughts and ideas and if "Hell" in one sense implies a careless "sure why not?" attitude and if there's no other word that has the same kind of "umph!" to it... well, I've no problem with using it. Yeah I could have used "heck" instead, but given the seriousness of Mr. Williams' actions, something more mature was called for, I felt. The same rule applies to whenever I use "damn": sometimes it's "damn" and others it's "darn" (and "darn" has been used the most by far of the two).

Look, I ain't stupid or inconsiderate here (I hope anyway). I grew up in the South, where yunguns are told to say "yessir" and "nomam" and to not use those words that come out of Daddy's mouth whenever he bangs his thumb with a hammer by accident. Even in this day and age, children are taught to have a healthy respect for the way they talk... or at least respect it if they want to keep their buttocks healthy lest a parent screams "I'm gunna ware you out!" And it's not just 'cuz of upbringing either: a person's language does say much about their thoughtfulness and maturity. What does it indicate of a guy when he uses the "f---" word at least every five syllables? I knew people like that in college though: can't help but wonder if their lingo ended up being a benefit or a liability if they decided to keep it after graduating. Yet even in that environment there's no excuse for it: your choice of language is a component of your character... and you can't lower the standard for that just because you're in a less formal setting.

That said, I do use "Hell" and "damn", if I've carefully judged that a writing situation calls for it. And on one occassion in this blog (and the only time in my life that I've ever done this with a published work) I employed the word "sh-t", but that was definitely the "once in a blue moon" time that (fortunately) is exceedingly rare: it was a situation that, I really had to convey a lot of sheer rage. Won't point to where it is, but if you ever find it you'll probably see why and that in its context, it really did seem quite appropos. The time I used "G-d-damn" well... that was the MOST I ever considered using a word and in the end I judged that it would be in the same spirit that Stanley Hauerwas uses it in (doubt I'll ever be that good though :-P) If it ever happens again, so help me I swear I'll eat my hat.

I'll NEVER make use of the "f---" word unless it's a direct quote of another person, and that's been done here too (when I gave an account of the time George W. Bush called me an "asshole" and had his private Brownshirts... ahh nevermind: go find it if you wish, and judge for yourself). But to use it facetiously or even to express the most intense anger and frustration... no, not going there. I've never done that and Lord willing never will. There are rules and boundaries in place and to write "f---" like that... it might limit me in revealing the fullest sense of anger on some things, but that's one line I can't bring myself to cross. It becomes particularly distatesful when you know the origin of the word and what it was used for.

But there's another reason why I choose to write this way sometimes. One that I choose not to indulge anyone with the details of, save those most intimate to me. They understand it perfectly. If they did not or were to object at it, it would put a great burden on my conscience to alter my style: that's how much I trust their judgment. They are the ones who know my heart best, and who or what it is most oriented toward. Though I do guard my speech, there is no obligation for me to tailor it so that it reflects something that my heart is not.

And isn't that the irony? Because I've known too many Christians that put on a show before the world about how "good" they are, especially how they want to sound so righteous in their language. But those same Christians are just as likely to be the ones most harboring malice in their hearts toward others. Their vocabulary is as sanitary as a Lysol factory... and yet when you close your eyes and not just "hear", but listen to their words and the thoughts they carry, you come to realize that it's all a show, to one degree or another. They coat the rancor of the heart with honey from the tongue to make it all the more delectable. They should instead devote their minds toward being as salt... but then, what good is salt, when it loses its saltiness?

I know more than enough Christians who you would never, ever hear such words come from their mouths as I've sometimes used here. Far more often than not, they are also the ones who relish any opportunity to let it be known that they despise "liberals", those of other religions than their own, people "over there" that "want to destroy our great country", other Christians that "don't worship like we do", and a myriad of other points of dissent. A few of them have even openly cheered at the news of their "enemies" dying in some far-off disaster, like the recent tsunami.

These are Christians that are far more concerned with how they appear and sound in this world, than how their hearts are devoted to the Kingdom of God. They try to satisfy all "the rules" but constantly ignore the greatest commandment: "Love one another".

There's a couple of names for people like that: "legalists" is one. I have to use "hypocrites" though... although no word I know of in the English language defines the wrath and frustration I feel toward them with. I'm almost tempted to call them utterly "degenerate", since their hearts seem incapable of showing that Christ's presence has enticed them to love even their enemies.

I'm not perfect. And I have written some things that were not pure of motive, at all: things that I've come to regret and wish that I could take back. But I can't compromise the honesty I try to have between God and myself regarding the condition of my heart, be it good or bad. No amount of "clean language" can hide or alter that condition in the slightest. And if my style of writing and language could be deemed a product of a lifetime of experiences that shaped me into who I am today... well, I couldn't change that overnight if I gave it my fullest effort. But I can rest in the assurance that Someone better than myself is in charge of editing my vocabulary, that I am still a manuscript from which He is working on making the final publication... and I'd rather defer to His expertise than my own.

To that end I choose to speak, and write, and definitely pray to God, as an extension of where my heart is in the fullest sincerity. By the way, people who know me best will tell you that my prayers are VERY informal, unorthodox, sometimes downright crude. But that's just coming from who God made me to be and it shouldn't be construed as an indication of what He's still making me into.

Besides, I figure that if you can't be honest when talking to Him, how can you possibly be honest with yourself?

I love God. I try to love all others be they friend or foe (and I confess to falling far short of meeting that goal... but I'm not ashamed to own up to that failure, either). The last thing I would want is to either hurt someone be it intentional or ignorant, or to be untrue about who I am before our Father in Heaven. And if I or anyone else strikes those of more legalistic traditions as being "uncouth", "immoral" or even "blasphemers" who couldn't possibly be their brother or sister in Christ... well, what is that to people like me, really? It's not they that I'm ultimately answerable to, but God. But at least some of us are willing to be so individual as to be compelled to admit that we are weak before God, instead of concealing our flaws and self-desires among those of others beneath the lovely veneer of factioned "faith".

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Something wicked this way comes... again: Carnivàle second season begins tonight on HBO

When it comes to television, you're reading the words of a man who is only slightly more liberal than the Amish. Meaning: I have to know with conviction that whatever it is on the screen is not going to waste even a few hours of my life to watch. It better be enlightening enough that I'm not only willing, but desiring to invest my time toward viewing it. Heavy emphasis on "enlightening", too.

Suffice it to say, the number of things that have ever come on TV that I've so looked forward to watching as to have it marked on my mental calendar have been so few as to be countable on one hand. And the number of regular television series surpassing that bar have been far, FAR more scarce (yeah huge fan of The Simpsons but even they don't rate on my scale). There have only been two during my 30 years of living: Twin Peaks (yes, I will admit to being so offbeat a geek as to have LOVED that show!) and Babylon 5. Heck, Babylon 5 was worth an entire year or two of college education on top of the classes I was already taking. It was soooo good that it wasn't just something I took time out to watch every week, but some friends and I made it a Saturday night ritual to watch the new episodes at my apartment while eating Papa John's pizza. Man those were good days...

There hasn't been anything of that high a quality that's even remotely piqued my interest since then (the last episode of B5 aired in late 1998). Until this past year. It now looks like there's going to be three and possibly five television series that I'll have to start watching, if they're as good as people I trust have told me. The first is the new Battlestar Galactica: haven't even watched the miniseries that aired last year but Chad, my best friend since forever, had nothing but good ravings about how great it was. The folks from Great Britain who've seen episodes of the new series already have reported on Ain't It Cool News that, as one Brit put it, it is a "hexcellent" show. After reading enough about it online, I'm committing myself to finding a DVD of the miniseries and catching up before the main show cranks up.

There's also something called Lost, which I haven't seen a single episode of either but Spousal Overunit's Terrific Mother claims it's "a really good show!" When Spousal Overunit's Terrific Mother says something is worth checking out, I listen. Looks like I was fooled early on and wrote this off as something predictable – about a group of plane crash survivors – but it's not, apparently. Someone told me that there's literally hundreds of theories about what is going on with this show's plot and most of 'em have to do with weird mystical stuff the likes of which prolly haven't been seen since Caine bench-pressed the entire Earth with his mind on Kung Fu: The Legend Continues. I caught maybe three minutes of Lost when we were in Georgia for Christmas the other week and noticed that it had Terry O'Quinn (glad to see that after Millennium his talents are getting appreciated again) and Dominic Monaghan, who played a midget in some little art-house film called The Lord of the Rings. But I guess a show that by all accounts has polar bears running loose on a tropical island should be looked into no matter how good the cast is, right? Promise, I'll try to dig it and post some thoughts.

Two of the shows haven't even begun airing at all yet, but I'm already there, maaaaan: the revived Doctor Who, which the BBC starts running this spring (in case you haven't heard: the Daleks will be returning!) and the untitled Star Wars series set for 2006... 'nuff said.

But there's only ONE television series on the air right now that has so hooked me as to not dare miss any new episodes, if I can help it. After more than a year since the last original chapter, the Carnivàle comes back to town with its second season tonight at 9 PM EST on HBO.

Geez, where to begin. Well it must be said from the getgo: THIS IS THE COOLEST TEEVEE SHOW IN ALL CREATION RIGHT NOW!! And what first made my ears stand up was when the teaser commercials began in fall of 2003 and they really played up Carnivàle's setting: 1932, at the height of the Great Depression. With most of the story taking place in the shriveled wastes of the Dust Bowl. Now, any TV show can have the classic struggle between Good and Evil... that's done all the time one way or another. But to kick it all off with a bulldozer threatening to demolish a foreclosed shanty a'la The Grapes of Wrath? Now, THAT takes brass ones! As a student of history with a particular interest in the era, I've found Carnivàle to be both remarkably accurate with its setting and utterly refreshing in how it draws from the VERY-scarcely tapped mythos of that time. Suddenly the Great Depression seems less a time of sorrow than it was of mystery. But I'll let the opening prologue from the very first episode speak for it:

"Before the beginning, after the great war between heaven and hell, God created the earth and gave dominion over it to the crafty ape he called man. And to each generation was born a creature of light and a creature of darkness. And great armies clashed by night in the ancient war between good and evil. There was magic then, nobility, and unimaginable cruelty. And so it was until the day that a false sun exploded over Trinity. And man forever traded away wonder for reason."

Those words are spoken by Samson, played by Michael J. Anderson... you know, the "dancing dwarf" from Twin Peaks and anytime he shows up, you know yer in for something else. He's but one part of another reason why Carnivàle so arrests your senses: the cast. You got Anderson, Nick Stahl (played John Connor in Terminator 3, Clancy Brown (yup, the Kurgan himself), Adrienne Barbeau ("That's Maggie: Brain's squeeze."), Amy Madigan (who went from sweet lil' homebody in Field of Dreams to apostlette of Hell), Ralph Waite ("Good night John-Boy!") and more than time really allows me to write about at the moment (got church in a little while :-).

This show is extremely well-paced. Some thought the first season was slow and plodding. I found it to be patient and considerate: you get a sense that these were real people (though some of them are bearded ladies and human lizards) with real histories behind them. There's definitely a sense that there's going to be a massive conflagration between Heaven and Hell... but there's no rushing to that just yet and there doesn't need to be. But when it does happen it's going to hurt the longtime fans of the show quite a bit, because they'll already have been made to understand and empathize with these characters and if some of them get hurt or worse and we hurt with them... well, that is effective storytelling, my friends. The first season was where we got to see all the pieces and how they got placed on the board: season two should be when the real opening moves are made.

Which should shed light on some (hopefully not all though, at least this season) of the many mysteries of Carnivàle. Not the least of which has been the biggest: who – or what – is Management? Season One's finale ended with Ben Hawkins (Stahl's character) standing over the dead body of mentalist Lodz in Management's trailer, confronting whoever it is behind the curtain. According to one "Quint" at Ain't It Cool News, the identity of Management will be revealed tonight... although whether we actually see Management itself might not happen yet. Lots of other mysteries, but I'll let you discover what those are yourself.

An intriguing setting, wonderful actors, an immersive storyline, and in my opinion what has been VERY respectful treatment of the Christian religion... well, for all those reasons and more, that's why I plan to park my keister in front of the teevee tonight and watch Carnivàle's season two opener. Check it out if you got HBO. Beg friends who have HBO to let you watch it at their place if you don't (but remember to wipe your feet before going in and onto their nice clean carpet!).

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So TNT is running The Perfect Storm right now and I'm wondering...

...this movie about the Andrea Gail and the 1991 noreaster is a wonderful tribute to, not only the crew of the ship but to all those who have worked the seas to make a living for generations.

Somebody should now make a movie about the Edmund Fitzgerald.

It'll be 30 years this coming fall since it happened, arguably the most famous shipwreck of the last half-century. I've spoken with people who were college students in Michigan at the time: they remembered going to the beach of Lake Superior and crying. There's a whole different kind of kinship and community along those shores, and something about the Edmund Fitzgerald would be a beautiful way to honor that... and her crew.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy...

Always believed that the story of the "Fitz" and her legendary colorful crewmembers needed to be done as a movie. I'd give just about anything to be a part of that, if it were to be done.

(Besides, doncha think that Gordon Lightfoot deserves to record a major motion picture soundtrack after all these years? :-)

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Yet another thought on contemporary Christianity

Doesn't it seem like too many Christians nowadays have based their faith on the Rapture instead of basing it in Christ?

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A business proposal to the Bush Administration from its friends at The Knight Shift

Hell, I'd be a fool to pass up an opportunity like this...

January 8, 2005 Dear White House staff, In light of the recent discovery of new market areas, I wish to forward this proposal to you: that I will post anything you want to appear in this blog and pledge to bring the full weight of my journalistic presence toward promoting any issue that you wish to persuade the American people on, provided you can find the generosity to also donate to this media outlet the standard advertising fee of $250,000. Yes, I admit to having a marginally smaller audience than Armstrong Williams. But as fellow Christians I call upon you to practice the "Seed Faith" that Oral Roberts and that weird-haired lady on the Trinity Broadcast Network espouse: give this blog a lot of money and trust that it will lead to The Knight Shift becoming a major press powerhouse. I will patiently await your response at theknightshift@gmail.com. Until then I am most sincerely, yours truly, Rupert Christopher Farnsworth-Finster Mildred Higgenbottoms Knight III, Esq. Editor/Publisher/Proprietor, The Knight Shift

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Orson Scott Card making a MMORPG saywhu...?!?

Personally I'd rather see Card develop a massive multiplayer online role-playing game set in the Ender saga, but even he would be hard-pressed to persuade people to fork over $15 a month to play-act as prepubescent politicians. That and he'd kill off the entire player-base with old age if the space travel was done like it is in the books. But that he's doing this one is enough to pique my interest. From Card's official website...

eGenesis to Develop Alvin's World as a Multi-player Online Game
Letter to Hatrackers from Orson Scott Card
January 5, 2005

After all these years of taking part together in this online Hatrack River community, I'm happy to announce that today (5 January 2005), I entered into an agreement with eGenesis, the game company that created "A Tale in the Desert."

Andy Tepper, the lead designer of ATITD, saw in the Tales of Alvin Maker a world where another non-combat-centered community-building game could offer new possibilities.

Four different magic systems, plus the technology track, offer players many ways to develop their characters; the presence of Calvin, Arthur Stuart, Peggy Larner, and Alvin Maker himself will provide plenty of complications and opportunities.

Above all, this alternate version of America will have ongoing events that players can affect, changing history each time a full game is played...

Hit here for more details on the forthcoming game. Must admit that I've never read any of Card's Alvin Maker books but an alternate-history America where magic really works does seem an intriguing setting to explore. I've read all the books (except the "Shadow" co-novels) in the Ender series though: Ender's Game should be required reading for ANYONE who works with young people, or soldiers in training, or seminary students... actually, it should be required reading by everyone. And then Card pulled the very rare feat of making the sequel, Speaker for the Dead an even better novel than the first! Just going by that and a lot of other things this man's produced, the Alvin Maker game should be one to watch.

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The Ring Two trailer is online (and a WEIRD theory about the title)

Really looking forward to this. We caught The Ring on opening weekend and so many people walking out from the show before ours looking drained / disoriented / disgusted that Lisa became real concerned about what she did to make her new husband con her into seeing this with him. Think she wound up liking it though, despite it being way off the map so far as that sweet innocent lil' mind of hers went.

Of course, anything making the unconscionable amount of money as The Ring did demands a sequel... which when dealing with a horror franchise usually spells "box office bomb". But so far The Ring Two is hitting the right cylinders: having Hideo Nakata (director of the Japanese original Ringu) helm this one was way smart move and anything that brings Sissy Spacek aboard has got to be classy. Then there's this: the new trailer for The Ring Two...

If you've seen the original you'll know already what you're looking at in the blurry video.

Now, something I've noticed that to the best of my knowledge no one else has mentioned yet: the title of this movie is The Ring Two. It is not, anywhere at all in the official promo releases, being referred to as The Ring 2.

That could just be how the marketing crew wanted to make it, so that the "O" at the end of "two" could suggest the ring on the theater posters. But somehow, that doesn't seem right: a project of The Ring's scope is WAY beyond something so paltry as attaching simple numbers to ensuing chapters.

Fellow fans of The Ring, I want to suggest that there's a hidden meaning to the sequel's title. It's not just "The Ring, part two", nonono... read it like this: "the ring Two". The "ring" is a descriptive adjective for the "two".

As for what the "two" are... beats me. Hey, maybe Samara had a twin sister or som... nah, way too corny. But I'm gonna stick with this notion until the event that I'm proven wrong in a few months' time.

Oh yeah, ever since the original came out I've developed a pretty neat theory (well, to my friends anyway :-) about how all those strange things were really working together: Samara's images, the horses going berzerk, the distorted faces, the videotape... there is a unifying concept binding them. I'll post it later (prolly closer to the sequel's release but really only 'cuz I'm too lazy tonight ;-) but will give anyone who's interested this much to consider: watch the scene at the very beginning with the two girls, and then awhile later when Rachel watches the tape. And between the two I'd say the two girls' talking at the beginning is the far more crucial to understand "just what da heck is going on here?!" Everything has been laid out in plain sight. You just have to look beyond the obvious ;-)

(And if you want to look at something that'll really confuse you but good, check out The Ring Two official website. It's prolly the most disturbing use of Flash in the history of anything.)

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Cultivating marijuana on the cheap? Take a tip: DON'T click here!

You just know the site admins will be scanning the IP logs for whoever buys a bunch of grow lights (probably the most common item up for sale) from Property Room Police Auctions Online. Run by an outfit called Property Bureau, it's a pretty clever idea: giving police auctions (a longstanding procedure for disposing of seized property and stolen goods that could not be returned to the rightful owners) a wider "customer base" than their reach normally allows by selling larcened and licentious loot on the Internet (they should have named it "pdBay" :-P). Going by the info posted on the site, it looks like helping police and sheriff departments clean out their property rooms this way plays an adjunct role to Property Bureau's other purpose: being an online database of the goods with the items' serial numbers and any other pertinent information, thus letting owners of stolen property easily search and potentially recover it. Yeah, it's all real clever... but somehow I don't think titling an auction as "Look Here NintendoDS - HOT ITEM!" is going to really differentiate it from other auctions by very much ;-) Anyways, I just found the site a little while ago and it's loads of fun looking at the kinds of gadgets that today's crooks are both stealing and using. Check it out!

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For the record: I NEVER said that I wanted to kill Pat Robertson

A few days ago I posted "Haul Pat Robertson's butt out of Virginia Beach... AND STONE HIM TO DEATH!!". It was in response to Robertson's annual penchant for claiming that God was speaking through him about the coming year. And it elicited some ... interesting... feedback.

Some got it and some didn't. A few were downright horrified. One guy wrote me that initially he thought I was a few cards short of a full deck to have the gall to publish something like that. But after reading the entire thing he said "that's was an f'ing work of genius!"

If all you saw was the headline - either here or elsewhere on the 'net where this was referenced - I strongly urge you to read it. ALL of it. And think about the REAL point that I was making with this. I do not want to see Pat Robertson stoned to death: unlike some Christians, I do strive to believe that every man (and woman) can grow and change and become more Christ-like so long as there's breath in his lungs. Having weaknesses of character - including such glaring weaknesses as Robertson illustrates - are no grounds for wanting to see someone dead. Neither are such things as differences of political or spiritual belief. And if you've taken the time to read the entire essay, you will realize fully well that I never did anything other than try to lead people to think about what it is we have to be... if we really want to wear the label "Christian" before the world.

Now, Pat Robertson and countless like him advocate the death and destruction of those not like them every day of their lives. And they are gosh-darned serious about wanting to see them dead. And nobody takes them to task on it: more often than not it's met with little more than a shrug, as if to acknowledge that "that's just the way things are."

Well, I refuse to accept the cruelties of this world as "just the way things are" without doing something about it.

My essay merely reflected back toward them the evil that Pat Robertson and those like him relish committing in the name of God. And if some people didn't like that, well, it's as Georg Christoph Lichtenberg put it:

"A book is a mirror: If an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle to look out."

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YES YES YES YES YES!!! "The Tripods" will tower on the big screen soon!

This generation of kids needs a movie like Red Dawn: you know that flick twenty-odd years ago where Patrick Swayze and his high-school chums waged guerilla warfare on the Soviet swine that had taken over their Colorado hometown and the rest of America. It's so dated now as to be laughable (though for awhile it held the Guinness record for being "most violent movie ever") but the core idea is the same: young people fighting for real freedom, instead of sitting around in their Birkenstocks signing pointless petitions and otherwise complaining against "evil white men" or whatever. Director John Milius had a clear notion in mind that America was a great land because her children could fast learn their way around an AK-47... and ya know, he's right. But that ain't the point of this post.

Lots of places have the news but I found it first on ComingSoon.net that John Christopher's Tripods Trilogy is being adapted into a feature-length film series: presumably one film for each book (The White Mountains, The City of Gold and Lead, and The Pool of Fire). Haven't heard anything on whether the prequel novel When the Tripods Came is part of the deal but that alone would be hella lotta fun to see as a two-hour movie.

Now if Disney (which'll be producing and distributing it) does it right, this will potentially be a very cool thing to behold: right up there with Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings and the Wachowski Brothers' Matrix saga. I don't wanna spoil any of the really good details but this'll give you an inkling: it's an unspecified time (centuries from now?) in Earth's future and everything's gone back to medieval days. You can live free as a bird and do whatever you want... until your fourteenth birthday. At which time the Tripod comes to your village and grabs you with a tentacle and draws you into itself. That's when you get "capped". And after that you never need to fear having to think for yourself again for the rest of your life. Everyone in one village of the land once called England accepts this ritual without question. Everyone, except for one boy approaching his fourteenth birthday. And then one day a "vagrant" comes to the village...

I mentioned Red Dawn earlier 'cuz that's what this book series always reminds me of: it's like Red Dawn meets Independence Day crossed with Stand By Me. And for a book series aimed at young teens there's an awful lot of core values that the saga emphasizes: I'd even say the trilogy is "traditional conservative science-fiction". There's a box set of all four books at Amazon and since it's long been considered a classic book for young people you should have no trouble finding it in the preteen's fiction section of your bookstore.

Can't wait to see the movie. I'm praying that it'll do justice to the books. In the meantime, if any suggestions can be made I can't think of anyone better to play the role of Julius than either Sean Connery or Ian McKellan.

(And if you REALLY want a treat in the meantime, hunt out the comic-style serial that Boys Life magazine did of the trilogy back in the early 1980s: a terrific adaptation that deserves getting republished for mass consumption!)

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UPDATED: Blog now viewable with IE! Was: Technical difficulties, please stand by (or make the switch to Mozilla!)

UPDATE 01:27 AM EST 01-07-2004: Worked from 4-something yesterday afternoon 'til a little after midnight. The problem apparently lay in some things that weren't XHTML 1.0 Strict. Most of the work was just turning upper-cased tags (an old habit) into lower-case for XHTML and cleaning up probably two minor gaffes in the code. However it happened, this blog is now perfectly readable in Microsoft Internet Explorer so ummmm... enjoy! :-)

Original Post:
If you're visiting this blog from a Mozilla or Firefox browser, you probably don't notice anything. If you're using Internet Explorer, you will be straining your eyes to read some impossibly large fonts right now.

I finally started overhauling the look of this blog and something, somewhere, in the CSS went a little funny in the head. I'm still very much old-school HTMLer (can type it out in Notepad much faster than if I were to use Dreamweaver or some other web editor) and CSS is something I haven't been working with for very long. But it looks like it might be a messy conflict involving IE and Movable Type (which my blog doesn't have... don't think so anyway) and how the template should be coded to accommodate it.

So right now "Weird" Ed and I are going over the template to try and find what's wrong. We should have it fixed before too late this evening. In the meantime if you still want to enjoy the site and have been using IE, now's as good a time as any to Mozilla or Firefox. They're faster, more reliable and have the benefit of being open-source so you can go through it and make sure the browser ain't doing something it should be doing.

And if you are using a Mozilla or some other browser, hope you enjoy the new look of the place :-) Tried to make it mirror my personality a bit. Got a few more things to add in but the CSS problem comes first.

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Horatio Bunce's smackdown on President Bush: "Where do you find any authority...?"

Somebody please explain to me how it is that a millionaire tycoon can give away $20 million of the people's hard-earned money to a terrorist front, can raid the public treasury for $200 billion to spend on wars with no defined goals or even strategy, and who is now now appropriating $350 million - also from public funds - toward recovery efforts from the Southeast Asian tsunami can have no qualms about spending other people's money like a drunken sailor... but only finds enough charity in his own heart to write tsunami victims a check for the paltry sum of $10,000.

What President Bush does with his own money is of no concern to me: if he wanted to write a check for five bucks, he's got a right to do that. But when it comes to our money and my own "contribution" (read as: pay taxes smile and ignore the big gun we've aimed at your head)... well, that does concern me. It should concern everyone. That money that Bush is giving away so freely - regardless of good intention - isn't his money to give away at all!

I could say more, but it was already said long ago and with far more eloquence than I can muster on the subject. You'll have to do a Google search for Horatio Bunce and how he figures into American history, but here's his sage wisdom that slaps just about every politician in Washington hard in the face...

"...Where do you find in the Constitution any authority to give away the public money in charity? ...There are plenty of wealthy men in and around Washington who could have given $20,000 without depriving themselves of even a luxury of life. The congressmen chose to keep their own money, which, if reports be true, some of them spend not very creditably; and the people about Washington, no doubt, applauded you for relieving them from the necessity of giving by giving what was not yours to give. The people have delegated to Congress, by the Constitution, the power to do certain things. To do these, it is authorized to collect and pay moneys, and for nothing else. Everything beyond this is usurpation, and a violation of the Constitution."

Bunce did persuade at least one American politician with his take on things... but like I said, you're going to have to do a search on it yourself. You'll thank me later for the extra work 'cuz you'll come to appreciate it all the more :-)

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This is why American efforts in Iraq will fail

From the Associated Press via Yahoo!...

25 Killed in Car-Bomb Attacks in Iraq

Wed Jan 5, 4:12 PM ET

By DUSAN STOJANOVIC, Associated Press Writer

BAGHDAD, Iraq - A suicide attacker blew up an explosives-laden car outside a police academy south of Baghdad on Wednesday, killing 20 people, and another car bomb left five Iraqi policemen dead. Despite the surge of violence aimed at derailing this month's elections, Iraq (news - web sites)'s interim leader again insisted the ballot would go ahead as planned.

"We will not allow the terrorists to stop the political process in Iraq," Prime Minister Ayad Allawi said as the death toll from insurgent attacks topped 90 over four days this week. "The elections process is the basis for the deepening of the national unity in Iraq."

We should pull out all our troops. Now. We should never have gone into Iraq. Ever.

You cannot "give" a people their democracy. And the authority for self-rule was never ours to grant anybody, at all. That authority can only come from the Establisher of ALL authority: namely, God. And if we haven't learned how to manage our own authority that He gave to us, how dare we tell another nation how to manage its own... much less be so haughty as to believe that we can give it to them of our own sense of ego.

If the people of Iraq desired enough that they be rid of Saddam Hussein, then they should have risen up against him. On their own. And they could have done so, if they had mustered the will and the drive and the courage to overcome Saddam and his minions. But apart from some pockets of resistance they were too timid to reach out and grasp that freedom on their own.

We are making a terrible, terrible mistake in Iraq, now almost two years into this venture and at the cost of 1300-some American lives. And no amount of spin or platitude from this government can deny this fact: those young men and women who sprang from our own soil died for nothing. Nothing at all. They perished for something absent of any sense or rationale except for the empty rhetoric that "it's for our country" or "we're keeping our families free"... when freedom here vanishes with each new day.

How then can we expect to give freedom to a people who have never even known it to begin with?

Freedom must be earned. It can never be bestowed. At least by any man.

And that lack of humility is why we fail in Iraq, and will always fail.

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AMC right now is showing Dune: the finest homo-erotic glorious heap of a sci-fi epic that 1984 had to offer!

Alfred Hitchcock once said that Smokey and the Bandit was his "favorite guilty pleasure" of a movie. And that's pretty much what David Lynch's adaptation of the Frank Herbert novel Dune is for me.

The short version (the one that Lynch allowed his name on, and not the "Alan Smithee" extra-long version that has much more cool stuff in) is on AMC right now and I swear they've messed with it more... as if it wasn't messed-up enough already. For one thing at the beginning of this one I noticed that the Guild Navigator's voice was different, somehow. It didn't sound as menacing as I remember it. Come to think of it, it was different: it's definitely not the same voice as is the Navigator's in the longer version (which was the same voice as the short version). Maybe AMC decided to make it sound clearer to the audience or something.

Geez, I've always been conflicted about this movie. I read the novel Dune in September 1990, when I was a junior in high school and... yeah, it was definitely one of the book that most changed my life. So much metaphor in it about religion, and economics and addiction and the costs that come with "playing it safe". The stagnation of cultures and how it is more often than not countered by the outbreak of crusades (or jihads)... Dune the novel was the *perfect* nutshell education about the pattern of history. And when David Lynch got his hands on the film rights he almost pulled off a perfect adaptation.

EXCEPT for all the unnecessary bizarro crap that he just couldn't resist "being David Lynch" about and had to throw in. I mean, "weirding modules"...?!? Where da heck did THAT crap come from?! The Navigators need the prescience they gain from the spice to guide the ships through space and that's from the novel but when it comes to guiding those ships with their anuses ummmm... no. I don't wanna touch what Lynch did with the Harkonnens but since we're on the subject: what was the man thinking?! Sure they were a decadent lot in the novel, but not this bad: that scene where Baron Harkonnen pulls the "heart plug" on the nubile young boy slave with the flowers that he kisses and molests as the kid is bleeding from his aorta and dying as the life seeps from his eyes (oh yeah the naked kid is wearing a giant transparent Glad-Bag, parse that as you will) is just... wrong, dude.

The only time I've been this confused about an item of pop culture came a few years later when I listened to Richard Harris singing "MacArthur Park":

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I say again: "whu honey?" Go back to teaching at Hogwarts, Dumbledore: this croon's shining moment only came when "Weird Al" Yankovic turned it into "Jurassic Park".

I spent months after reading the original novel trying to find Lynch's film version on video. It finally came on a local teevee station on Easter Sunday in 1991... on my 17th birthday as it happened. I watched a bit at home then went over to my grandmother's house for Easter dinner. She let me watch the rest of it there and when the Reverend Mother appeared with those messed-up teeth Granny asked me what I was watching and I told her "It's the movie version of Dune" she looked back at the screen then me and said "whatever it is, it looks weeeiiird." Was really sweet, seeing my 84-year old grandmother laugh at a crazy sci-fi movie like that. But then, she was one of the few members of my family that ever "got" my whole Star Wars craze, too. The day after the Episode I toys went on sale I had to watch the local news at her house, 'cuz I was first in line for the 12:01 AM opening at Toys R Us to get the new Star Wars toys. And I was trying to explain how "we would be the first to set our eyes on a virgin pile of unsoiled mounds of Star Wars merchandise." And then a few days later when I camped out for Episode I tickets. She never ceased thinking that it was really cute that her 25-year old grandson could still be this big a kid.

It was on my 17th birthday that we watched this messed-up flick together.

It was on my 26th birthday that we had her funeral. I was one of the pallbearers. It wasn't a very happy birthday.

Dear Lord... five years later and I still miss her.

Maybe that's what keeps drawing me to David Lynch's Dune: for all the visual assault that it is, to me it represents a very tender moment that I shared with my grandmother, who remains one of the sweetest and most influential people in my life and who I will always regret never lived long enough to meet the girl who became my wife. It was the kind of moment where a kid who's a little (or a lot) more different than most realized that he was not only loved unconditionally by someone, but that person loved him enough to make an effort to appreciate what made him tick. I sure wish I could tell you what made her tick... but I can't, except to say that she simply loved everyone, whether you were family or not, or white or black or even gay or lesbian, which a few wound up coming to visit her house more than once. EVERYONE was welcome to put their feet under her dinner table (and believe you me she wasn't going to let you leave until she was sure you'd stuffed yourself with all the homecooked food you could possibly want, no matter WHO you were). She loved you whether you believed in God or not: she knew He loved them despite that, so she'd better learn to love them too.

Sheesh, never thought I could have so many thoughts and feelings associated with a David Lynch movie.

Anyhoo, I know the Sci-Fi Channel remake a few years ago kept a lot more things faithful to the book, but Lynch almost accomplished a perfect adaptation here. You can tell that he was hitting on all the right cylinders so far as Herbert's themes went... if only he hadn't mucked it up in so much other crazy imagery. For whatever reason, I'll prolly never buy the DVD but I always have to catch this whenever it's on the tube.

BTW, the Dune novels themselves - the ones that Frank Herbert wrote - are a magnificent series and prolly the most epic and thought-provoking only after Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I appreciate most of the other science-fiction classics. I even wound up using Isaac Asimov's Foundation years ago while doing practicum as a student teacher, as a way of introducing the themes of Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire to high school students. I've been keen on some of the more obscure ones (speaking of which, Philip Jose' Farmer's Riverworld novels are science-fiction's greatest secret and whoever did the Sci-Fi Channel adaptation should be dragged out into the street and shot) and someday I'm praying that someone like Peter Jackson will do a big screen version of Harry Harrison's West of Eden. But other than Tolkien, no other sci-fi/fantasy writer molded my thoughts on things as a teenager than did Herbert. Be warned though: the first three books in the Dune series you can coast through. It's when you get to God Emperor of Dune that you REALLY have to swim against his unrelenting torrent of philosophy and theology. And by the time you get to the last one that he did, Chapterhouse: Dune... well, let's just say that I've heard from way too many people that that novel triggered WAY premature adolescence in a lot of guys. But if you get to the very last pages of the very last novel and you're in the know on things, you'll catch the very sweet homage that Herbert makes to his beloved wife Beverly (who had just passed away from cancer). And so far as that "too many unfinished threads" thing goes, a few years ago someone found some computer disks that had Frank Herbert's notes and outlines for an ending chapter to the entire saga, and according to the official Dune website Herbert's son Brian is using that to base two forthcoming novels - Hunters of Dune and Sandworms of Dune - that should wrap everything up. Hope they're better than the recent "Butlerian Jihad" Dune novels he did with Kevin J. Anderson... those were BIGTIME disappointment in my book.

(Okay, I better finish now, before I start ranting about how Kevin J. Anderson messed up Star Wars back in the mid-Nineties. He did write my all-time favorite Star Wars novel though: Darksaber. But I'll scream about that later.)

One thing's for sure though: I never stopped being this kind of a geek. Or ever grew out of being a kid. Not really. Granny wouldn't have wanted me to stop being like this either. And that's not what my dear wife or my closest and dear friends have ever wanted: they like the fact that, at heart, I'm still a big kid. And if I still watch weirdfest movies like the original Dune, well... what's the harm in that, eh?

Because in the end, it's what keeps me young forever. And what keeps me looking out for the simple things in life... like love and truth.

(Oh yeah, AMC is showing Mad Max with Mel Gibson later tonight. Let's see if this is the "new" version that has the original undubbed Australian accents :-P)

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"Voices of North Carolina" premieres tomorrow night on NC Public TV.

Chad Austin over at Chad's Running Commentary sends word that PBS stations in North Carolina will be broadcasting the debut of a new documentary. Yah I know some people think that "PBS" means "Pretty Boring Stuff" but fact is they DO air some amazing things besides dragging Betty White and Kermit the Frog out every spring to shill for money. And if you happen to live in-state you really, oughtta, gottta watch this thing tomorrow night 'cuz we've received word that it might get a lot more crazy than PBS is mostly known for. In his post Chad writes that...

North Carolina may have the most diverse mixture of dialects of anywhere in the United States, according to NC State linguistics professor Walt Wolfram. I helped Dr. Wolfram get the word out on his new documentary, "Voices of North Carolina," which airs on North Carolina public television this Thursday at 10 p.m. Dr. Wolfram discussed his project and fielded listener calls today during an interview on WUNC radio. For those of you residing in the Tar Heel state, tune in Thursday night for an informative and entertaining look at the way we talk...

You can click on the link to Chad's blog for info on where to order VHS/DVD copies of the film and that might be wise if nothing else than to have as a collector's item 'cuz reliable sources have informed me that one of the "Voices of North Carolina" will be none other than Maggie Valley, North Carolina's very own legendary moonshiner/bootlegger/author of Me and My Likker/collector of curios/several other things that I've been sworn to silence on: Popcorn Sutton! I've never actually met the man himself but having spoken with a lot of people who do know him... well, let's just say that he's DEFINITELY a larger-than-life character whose reputation has far exceeded the bounds of not just his region or his state, but his country also. Should be a hoot to watch the guy in action come tomorrow night!

"Voices of North Carolina" airs Thursday, January 6th at 10 PM on North Carolina Public Television.

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