President of Iran to Bush: Return to Christianity

Geez, is this a hard one to post. I mean the President of Iran is as raving lunatic as they come but... Here, read this:

Iran To Bush: 'Return To Christianity'
by UPI Wire
May 9, 2006

NEW YORK, May 9, 2006 (UPI) -- A rambling letter to U.S. President George Bush from Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad suggested Bush return to Christian teachings.

Any hopes Ahmadinejad would offer a solution to the nuclear enrichment impasse Iran has with the United Nations were dashed in the letter, the first direct correspondence with Washington since 1979.

"Can one be a follower of Jesus Christ... But at the same time, have countries attacked: the lives, reputations and possessions of people destroyed," the 18-page letter said...

No matter the source, this must be asked aloud:

Can one be a follower of Jesus Christ... But at the same time, have countries attacked: the lives, reputations and possessions of people destroyed?Well, can one?

Would a Christian actively employ someone like Karl Rove, who's built his entire life on the destruction of others?

Would a Christian build up a case for expending the lives of his countrymen on a falsehood?

Would a Christian never cease in seeking the destruction of those who disagree with him?

These are the questions we should have been asking ourselves the whole time... and instead it takes someone who's the furthest thing from being a Christian to ask them for us.

So, how about that beam in our eye, fellow believers?

EDIT 3:55 PM EST: It should also be pointed out that so far this letter doesn't sound very much like a serious attempt at reaching out diplomatically on Iran's part... something it had the first chance in 27 years to do. Which shows even more how messed-up this Iranian president is. Just in case anyone is of the mind that I'm defending this guy somehow.

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Who should be in THE TRANSFORMERS Live-Action Movie

Depending on who you listen to, Michael Clarke Duncan and John Turturro have all but signed the dotted line that'll put them in the live-action Transformers movie due out next July. They'll be joining Jon Voight, Bernie Mac, Megan Fox and Shia LaBeaof alongside those massive robots in disguise. Word is that Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay are also trying to get some of the voice talent from the original 80's Transformers cartoons to reprise their voices, like Frank Welker as Megatron and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. Unfortunately some of that amazing voice talent has since passed on, like Scatman Crothers (who brought Jazz to life) and Chris Latta, who I can't think of anyone who could replace him as the voice of Starscream.

As for which Transformers have thus far been revealed to be making the transit to live-action, I'm more than a little disappointed right now. Word is that only a dozen or so Transformers – from either side – are supposed to be featured... and Devastator may be getting reduced to a mere tank! Which is wrong wrong wrong: Devastator needs to be a composite (see below), Megatron must turn into a gun and as for Scorponok... well, I'd just rather not see him at all. Or for the first movie, anyway.

Before I go into this, I'll post this "disclaimer": I'm a huge fan of the original "Generation 1" Transformers. Or at least those that came out from 1984 until '87 or so. After that, gimmicks like the "Headmasters" and Pretenders sorta lost me. I'm a follower of the storyline canon that Marvel Comics had (the U.S. version, but I did read and enjoy some of the U.K. stories too). In my worldview the Transformers never met G.I. Joe and Cobra. The events of 1986's "Transformers: The Movie" never happened although I'll forever love that flick because (a) it was the very last performance by Orson Welles and (b) it featured "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Dare to be Stupid" on the soundtrack. I never kept up with Beast Wars or the Minicons storylines on the more recent TV shows. But I did read and really liked the "Generation 2" comics that Marvel did about ten years ago, the ones that had old-school characters like Hound and Ironhide cussing out Optimus Prime for being weak in the knees (they sure as hell developed some 'tude since the original comic’s run!). Speaking of which, despite only appearing for one panel, I thought that Liege Maximo was awesome (and intriguing... me want more)! Anyway, after knowing all that...

...Here are the characters that, in my opinion, a live-action Transformers movie needs the most if it's going to stay true in any way to the spirit of the original toys and saga. And I like to believe that the majority of fans will agree with me on these more often than not.

The Characters That The Transformers Live-Action Movie Needs Most

Optimus Prime, obviously. The commander of the Autobots (those are the "good guys" if you're new to Transformers lore) was the first Transformer that many of us ever beheld. Of all the "noble leaders" that came out of the toy sagas of the Nineteen-Eighties, no avatar was so beloved and respected as mighty Optimus. I know of guys (no I wasn't one of 'em) who cried tears when he died in 1986's Transformers: The Movie (which I always thought was a punk's death anyway). It's like this: if there be no Optimus, it be no real Transformers movie.

Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons (the "bad guys"). Not even four million years were enough to dillute his lust for power. The guy that Spider-Man (in the highly controversial issue The Transformers #3) called "Bazooka Joe" 'cuz of the big-a$$ fusion cannon he carries on his right arm. The Megster will definitely make the cut for the live-action Transformers movie. Far less clear is what he'll be transforming into. I say he must metamorph into a Walther P-38 pistol, just like the original toy, before all those "do-gooder" sissy-pants said that toy guns created too much violence and forced Hasbro to turn him into a puny tank.

Bumblebee: the smallest of the Autobots (the vehicle ones anyway) but by far the one with the biggest heart. After Optimus, no other Autobot (or any Transformer for that matter) was so loved. In just about every incarnation of Transformers story that I know of, it was Bumblebee who was the first to make contact with humans. There's a reason for that: Bumblebee was just a real nice guy. I never liked his later "upgrade" into Goldbug: it was like the comics writers wanted to give Bumblebee a more hard-edged Eighties attitude or something. That seems to be mostly forgotten about lately though, in favor of the classic Bumblebee.

The second Decepticon to get mentioned here had better be Starscream, or else I'm going to get jumped-flunky all over by his rabid fanbase (who are even scarier than Grimlock's fanbase, parse that as you will). In no matter what version/generation/edition of Transformers storyline, two things are certain: Starscream wants to be the top 'Con, and he'll never stop bitching about that. Starscream was always cool, and it doesn't even matter that he was basically just one different color scheme among three Decepticons that shared the exact same body/molding. This guy holds a special place in my heart because he was one of the first two (along with Brawn) Transformers that I ever owned. If he makes the cut, and if the writers are respectful of his character, expect plenty of in-fighting to erupt in the live-action movie between Megatron and Starscream.

Prowl, who I have to include here because #1 he was second-in-command of the Autobots after Optimus Prime, and #2 because he was one of the favorite Transformers of my friend Chad when we were growing up (and THAT might scare Chad that I remember something like that, heh-heh :-). Prowl transforms into a police car, which is always good camouflage when you're cruisin' the mean streets of Earth. One of Prowl's big strengths (if you ever read the "tech-specs" that came included with every Transformer, like the "file cards" with the G.I. Joe figures) was that he had a highly-advanced logic center that he used to prescribe to Optimus the best plan of action to take...

...and also made him the Autobot counterpoint to Shockwave, who was sort of the Decepticons's version of the "evil" Mr. Spock from the "Mirror, Mirror" episode of Star Trek. Heck, Shockwave even had big pointy ears like Spock! How could he not be Spock... that is, if Spock were thirty feet tall. And had one eye. And had a honking big gun for a left arm. Shockwave had an even bigger jones about wanting to be the top 'Con than Starscream, if you can believe that. That only really came out in the comic book though, and it almost came to serious blows between Megatron and Shockwave. Shocky would say that logic dictated that he be commander of the Decepticons after whatever loss Megatron had led them to... only to later admit his own defeat and then proclaim that logically, for good of the Decepticon cause, that Megatron should be leader. The flip-flopping got so bad between these two that eventually I came to believe that Rat-Bat and Bludgeon were far better 'Con leaders... and Rat-Bat was one of the cassettes and Bludgeon a Pretender! Feh, shows you how bad these internecine struggles got, doesn't it? Still, Shockwave rates high on my all-time favorite Transformers list.

Hound must must MUST be in the live-action movie somewhere. Along with Bumblebee, he's going to be the one who most "scopes out" the alien terrain that is Earth for the Autobots. And he's got all those cool holographic tricks that he can pull off. Since he transforms into an Army jeep he's going to be quite handy for slipping undetected into military bases and checking things out when the "fleshlings" decide to take the matter of giant robots into their own hands. I think Sam Elliott needs to be in the Transformers movie and play an Army general, just so he can wind up sitting in Hound while Hound drives around and tells Elliott what this whole thing is all about. Then Elliott can go tell the President that the U.S. doesn't need to be shooting at the Autobots, just the 'Cons. Anyway, I also like Hound 'cuz he was one of the first Transformers that I ever owned (and I still do).

Soundwave is probably going to be some folks's second choice of 'Con after Megatron, and I can respect that. Even though in the real world Soundwave wouldn't do much else but stand there and broadcast radio or TV signals out to the humans telling them to surrender. Seriously, I never understood the magnitude of admiration some people had for Soundwave. His best "gimmick" was that he transforms into a cassette player and his chest opens so you can insert one of the "cassette"-transforming Decepticons. He also sports some pretty cool guns. But other than that... why all this love for him? Was it his voice in the cartoon, that sing/songy way he had of talking? How was that supposed to be threatening? I didn't know why he had the love then and I don't know why now, but from a logistical standpoint it'd be foolish not to include him in the Decepticons's Earth-based operations in a live-action movie.

Soundwave's Autobot counterpart was Blaster. Who transformed into a boom-box. And Hasbro would have been in a lot of trouble if they had lengthened his name to "Ghetto-Blaster", wouldn't they? Blaster isn't supposed to do much else than Soundwave: stand there and hold Autobot "tapes" in his chest. On the TV cartoon he's made out to be a big-beat buffoon, practically. In the Marvel comic he's much more angst-ridden and bitter: the shell-shocked Vietnam war veteran of the giant robot set, which considering that this was coming ten years or so after that war ended... well, part of me's always wondered how much of the comics from the mid-Eighties (especially what they did with Snake-Eyes in the G.I. Joe comics) was subliminal "coming down" from that experience. I know that's something weird to be talking about in a Transformers live-action movie post, but look into those comics from about twenty years ago if you ever get the chance, and see for yourself. Anyway, Blaster's always been sorta popular, so I can see him in a live movie easily.

It's almost not right to include Devastator (click on the thumbnail on the left) because so far I've been alternating between Autobots and Decepticons, and Devastator really counts as six Decepticons. But in a live-action Transformers movie (and if there's any justice he won't turn into a tank) then Devastator - and all of his component Constructicons - will be featured at some point. The Constructicons are a subset of the Decepticons: they're 'Cons that turn into construction vehicles and equipment. And the six of them - Scrapper, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Hook, Bonecrusher and Scavenger (hah! I typed all of those from memory) - combine into a single "gestalt" robot named Devastator. And there were other gestalts that came into play during the course of the Transformers's run (Superion, Bruticus, Predaking, etc.) but only one is really needed for this first movie. Have the Aerialbots and Stunticons come out in Part 2 but for now: less is more.

Jetfire (yes, I know he's stolen goods from Robotech and no, I'm not calling him by his cartoon name Skyfire) because the Autobots are mostly land-based and they're going to need some air support. And just 'cuz it'd be really neat to see if Spielberg and Bay can get away with ripping off the Macross saga without getting hit with a lawsuit.

Ravage would be sweet to see in a live-action movie, but only if he was allowed to speak like any other Transformer. And he DID talk quite a lot in the comic book. Heck, he was the VERY FIRST Decepticon to speak at all in the comics (which sorta means that Ravage was the first Transformer we got to "hear" real words come out of at all). It's sorta fascinated me how the Transformers managed to "evolve" members that resemble Earth wildlife. I don't know how that is. Frankly, I don't need to know. Ravage just looks and acts too cool to care about things like that. Not only is Ravage one of the "cassette" Transformers (which always seemed to impress people for some reason) but he has the ability to hide/cloak himself in subdued light. He's like the ultimate spy. I can see lots of possible opportunities for using him to come about in a life-action flick.

After Bumblebee, Jazz seemed to be the Autobots's pre-eminent ambassador to the people of Earth. He was fun in the comics and with Scatman Crothers doing his voice, he was awesome in the animated series. Crothers brought real personality to Jazz and... oh geez, it's just gonna be hard to see and hear him without that voice from now on. Maybe this is the role that Michael Clarke Duncan is supposed to be doing. Don't quote me on that though...

Rumble would be probably the one Decepticon small enough for regular, unaugmented humans to gang up on and win. Or color him blue/purple and call him Frenzy if that suits you better. Or was it that Frenzy was red and Rumble was blue? Or was that... wait a sec, which one was Laserbeak and which was Buzzsaw? Darnnit, I hate how they mixed up the colors like that!!

Brawn was supposed to be the second-strongest of the Autobots (well the ones on Earth anyway) after Optimus Prime. Which if you ever owned the Brawn toy you had to wonder about that 'cuz Hasbro made him to be one of the smaller "mini"-sized vehicles (as opposed to the full-sized ones like Prowl and Hound). Had one of the more gusto-ish personalities in both the comics and the animated television series. Well, I always loved this guy anyway 'cuz he was the very first Autobot that I ever owned, so maybe I'm just partial to him because of that, is why I'm including him in this list.

There's not many of the "second wave" of Transformers (the ones from 1985 or so) that I'm thinking would be good for a first live-action movie (that doesn't rule out sequels though) but Astrotrain would be a fine addition, methinks. Just what a crazy movie about metamorphing robots needs: a robot that turns into not one, but two vehicles! Having a space shuttle suddenly transform into a steam locomotive oughtta throw a hella lotta good confusion into the mix.

And when those Autobots come crawling out of battle, they're gonna need someone to take care of their wounds/busted radiators/whatever. And for that, good doctor Ratchet should be on call. Which I again may be partial toward including him here out of personal interest, because I thought Ratchet's character was handled beautifully in issues #5-8 or so of the U.S. comic (the first issues of it being a regular series). If done correctly, Ratchet is a real opportunity for some multi-dimensioned characterization among what might otherwise be an all-too linear story about "I robot, kill you robot".

It might be waaaaay too early in the first live-action edition to bring him out, but if I didn't put Grimlock on this list, I'd no doubt get a nasty e-mail from an irate reader, or hundred or so. Grimlock is the leader of the Dinobots: Autobots that transform into giant mechanical dinosaurs (how such a thing comes about depends on whether you prefer the comics or the television series. Personally I like the Marvel comics's explanation). This being a movie produced by Steven Spielberg, I'd wager two energon cubes that we'll be seeing Grimlock in the first movie, and probably a sly in-joke reference to Jurassic Park thrown in for good measure.

And there are probably some more that I'm not mentioning in this list, like Mirage and Beachcomber and the Insecticons and even Perceptor (who I always thought was pretty cool) but the ones I mentioned above would be a good basis around which to start up a terrific live-action Transformers movie franchise. And maybe it wouldn't hurt to throw in one final character too: a human one...
Circuit-Breaker, from the Marvel Comics The Transformers series. I mean, how expensive would it be to give Jennifer Garner or Angelina Jolie a costume made up of strips of aluminum foil?

UPDATE 2:05 PM EST: What the...?!?

This is supposedly conceptual artwork from the Transformers live-action movie that got out, that is going around on the Internet right now. According to some sources, this is a *possible* look for Starscream:

I really don't know what else to say, except that Bob Burns called and he wants his King Kong armature back :-P

Seriously though, if this is a real indication of the direction they're going for this, my hopes for this movie just sank some.

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"Beam Christians"

Found this earlier this past week, and waited to post it. Had so much good going on lately that I wanted to hold off posting it until I felt like taking a more serious tone on things. In "Beam Christians", Laurence M. Vance addresses those professing believers in Christ who are blinded by the power of military and government. And he takes especially strong shots at worshippers of George W. Bush:

Christian warmongers are beam Christians. They would rather be associated with Bush and the war than with people whom they and others have deemed undesirable. In actuality, however, they are choosing to be associated with a war criminal and murder than with the truth just because some people who are usually wrong happen to be right on this particular issue...

These beams can take many forms. For some the beam is President Bush. Because they are so blinded to Bush’s pseudo-Christianity, some Christians actually believe that Bush is "God ordained" or "God’s anointed" or "one of us." For others the beam is conservatism. Christians who are theologically conservative have made a terrible mistake in identifying with the conservative movement, with is propensity for nationalism and power at the expense of liberty. For some the beam is the Republican Party. They know the Democratic Party is too far to the left to even consider. But in spite of the bones it throws to the free market, the Republican Party is no better. It is the party of militarism, big government, plunder, compromises, and sellouts. For others the beam is the military. They actually think that the Department of Defense is defending our freedoms by meddling in the affairs of other countries all over the globe. The fact that the United States spends more on its military than Russia, China, Japan, Britain, Saudi Arabia, France, Germany, Brazil, India, Italy, South Korea, Iran, Israel, Taiwan, Canada, Spain, Australia, the Netherlands, Turkey, and Singapore put together doesn’t seem to raise a red flag with these people. In some cases it is the U.S. government that is the beam which blinds these Christians. They can be spotted by the sound of their mantra: "obey the powers that be." They want so much to believe that the U.S. government is a force for good in the world instead of the force for evil that it currently is because of its military adventures and its interventionist foreign policy...

Read the rest of Vance's essay here.

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Delusion of grandeur: Bush says we are in World War III

George W. Bush is a very damaged man, a nihilistic moral midget who unfortunately happens to have too much power for his or anyone else's good. The proof for that now is that he's proclaiming that we are in the midst of World War III:

US President George W. Bush said the September 11 revolt of passengers against their hijackers on board Flight 93 had struck the first blow of "World War III."

In an interview with the financial news network CNBC, Bush said he had yet to see the recently released film of the uprising, a dramatic portrayal of events on the United Airlines plane before it crashed in a Pennsylvania field.

But he said he agreed with the description of David Beamer, whose son Todd died in the crash, who in a Wall Street Journal commentary last month called it "our first successful counter-attack in our homeland in this new global war -- World War III".

Bush said: "I believe that. I believe that it was the first counter-attack to World War III."

Bush just can't stand to be anything but a "war president". He really believes that God has set him up to be on the same pedestal with Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt. This very cowardly man is now casting himself as the "hero" of a vast global conflict... that only exists in the space between his two ears.

This fool will either have his name blazed in glory, or he'll spark Armageddon so that nobody else will take his name out of the history books. He got us into an unwinnable quagmire in Iraq because "God" told him to. Lord only knows what destruction he'll be doing to this country and world next (for encouraging illegal immigration alone, he should be imprisoned).

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DOCTOR WHO goodness tonight on Sci-Fi (and last week on BBC)

The American run of the new episodes of Doctor Who (which actually aired over in Great Britain a year ago) continues tonight with "The Empty Child". By far among the best of the show's first season (or twenty-seventh season, depending on how you count these things). This one ranks among my favorites of Christopher Eccleston's run as the Doctor, alongside "Dalek", "Father's Day" and "Bad Wolf" (one of the most outrageous Doctor Who stories ever... you'll soon see why if you're still one of the uninitiated). Tonight's episode is set during the height of the London blitz during World War II, the first of a two-part story that concludes next week with the equally good "The Doctor Dances".

But while we Americans are getting last year's vintage now, our Brittish brethren have been enjoying season 2 (or 28) on the BBC with David Tennant as the Doctor. Which some of them have kindly been providing torrent downloads of the new episodes for those of us on this side of the pond. For which we are especially thankful for being able to watch last week's "School Reunion", which heralded the return - after three decades - of Sarah Jane Smith (portrayed once again by Elisabeth Sladen), widely considered to be one of the most beloved - if not THE most beloved - of the Doctor's companions. The reuniting of Sarah Jane and the Doctor - now six regenerations past the last time she saw him when Tom Baker had the role - was handled beautifully. But that wasn't the only return of a Who favorite: stowed away in the trunk of Sarah Jane's car was K-9 the robot dog, who gets repaired by the Doctor and once again has John Leeson's voice. Throw in a weird plot at the local high school involving super-smart students and evil aliens led by Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Anthony Stewart Head, plus a healthy mix of humor and geek-boy references to the original run of the show and it all made for one of the most potent (and poignant) Doctor Who episodes in recent memory. And it must be said: after all these years, Elisabeth Sladen is still a beauty to behold. Well worth tracking down with bit torrent and taking in now, instead of waiting for Sci-Fi Channel to run it next spring.

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FORCERY is now on YouTube!

Using YouTube to host The Baritones suggested to me that our first movie could be published there also.

To meet YouTube's restrictions (100 MB or less and 10 minutes length or less), Forcery had to be "serialized" into seven parts. Which maybe should have been done in the first place, but anyhoo...

Here's Part 1 of Forcery:

And here are the links for all the chapters:

Forcery Part 1
Forcery Part 2
Forcery Part 3
Forcery Part 4
Forcery Part 5
Forcery Part 6
Forcery Part 7

You can also still download Forcery in five sizes of Quicktime, including one for iPod. And now that the KWerky Productions website is back up feel free to check out some behind-the-scenes stuff from when we were making it.

Does this blog go all-out to deliver the goods, or what? :-)

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The original UNALTERED Star Wars trilogy is coming to DVD

So reports USA Today and a bunch of other outlets.

From this point on, anyone who cries about "George Lucas raped my childhood" should be dragged out into the street and shot.

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Lost tonight...

WHAT THE @&$% JUST HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW?!?

From "I'm sorry", that was... just... I mean... darn...

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THE BARITONES - World Premiere Tonight!

Man, what a day! A friend's wedding. Alligators out the wazoo. And to top it all off, tonight on Monday Night Live on WGSR Star 39, I got to sit in the studio with Ken and Mark on live television as we world premiered my newest film, The Baritones! It's a parody of the opening intro from HBO's The Sopranos, 'cept this one was filmed in Reidsville, Eden, and a few other places around Rockingham County, North Carolina. Now it's time to share it with the rest of the world...

Oh yeah, and for tonight's installment of Monday Night Live Cinema, they ran Forcery. So everyone watching the show got to see a few snippets of that movie, including a bit from the scene where George Lucas is rolling around the house on his own. Toward the end of the show I pointed everyone to where they can watch it online... so if you've found your way to this blog because of tonight's show, welcome!!

Okay, 'nuff from me. Here's The Baritones, courtesy of YouTube:

Quicktime version of The Baritones (8 megabytes). Much clearer image, if you want to download to your hard drive.

Enjoy!! :-)

EDIT 8:19 AM EST: If you don't have HBO or otherwise have never seen the title intro from The Sopranos, click here to watch it.

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Ed and Olivia tie the knot!

Earlier today, at beautiful Cypress Gardens near Charleston in South Carolina, my longtime collaborator and very good friend Ed Woody was united in holy matrimony with his lovely new bride, Olivia! Congratulations to the new couple, and may God shower all His blessings upon them as they begin their new life together.

(Oh yeah, and there were several live alligators running around the place too, but Lisa asked if she could be the one who writes up a full report on what happened today a little bit later, so I'll let her post all the cool pics of the gators :-)

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Dinner at The Melting Pot

Yesterday was Lisa's birthday. So we celebrated by going to The Melting Pot here in Greensboro. It's a fondue restaurant where you get a 3-course meal fixated around the... well, a melting pot in the center of the table. Appetizer was a selection of bread and fruit that got dipped into a creamy cheddar cheese concoction. The main course was the "Ultimate Sampler" of various meats (chicken, tenderloin, lobster, shrimp, salmon) done in "fondue court bouillon" cooking style. And after that was an incredibly tasty chocolate fondue (the "Pure Chocolate" selection from the menu, we chose to use milk chocolate). It being Lisa's birthday the staff had a vase with some roses and balloons waiting for her at the table. Later on they took a great picture of the two of us together and by the end of the meal had presented it to us in a really nice frame.

The Melting Pot has locations all across the United States, definitely worth checking out. The price is a little on the steep side and maybe it's too much for a casual dinner, but for special occassions and times when you feel like doing something a little different, it's certainly worth going to and enjoying a different dining experience.

Oh yeah, last night was the first time I ever drank a martini. Lisa had one too. Hers tasted like apple and mine had a definite chocolate flavor to it, and then my taste buds felt like kerosene had been poured onto my tongue. We ended up switching drinks. And now I get to finally say that I've had a martini at least once in my life :-)

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A thing of beauty

Two gallons (one already in use) of Williamson Bros. Bar-B-Q Sauce. We always bring a gallon or two (or three) of the stuff on our way back from Lisa's family in Georgia. Of all the barbecue concoctions I've had over the years - and there've been plenty - Williamson Bros. sauce stands out as my favorite. Having an ample supply of the stuff in our kitchen is such a glorious thing.

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Same car used to deliver pizza and corpses

This is just too weird to not post here. Here's the story from The Smoking Gun:

Stiffs And Slices
Domino's delivery man transported pizza, corpses in same car

APRIL 27--In what will surely repulse Pennsylvanians, a Domino's delivery man used a car to transport corpses to funeral parlors when he wasn't using the vehicle to bring pies and Cheesy Bread to pizza enthusiasts. Last Friday, a Lower Southampton Township Police Department officer pulled over a 1993 Buick after noticing the vehicle did not have an inspection sticker. Additionally, William Bethel, 24, was driving with a suspended license, so cops informed him that the vehicle was going to be impounded. According to a police report, a copy of which you'll find below, when officers began taking an inventory of the station wagon, they noticed a stretcher in the rear of the vehicle (along with rubbish and wet clothing) where "pizzas were sitting to be delivered." Asked about the items, Bethel explained that when he finished delivering Domino's pizzas, "he transports deceased bodies in the same vehicle for a funeral home." A police check with local health officials determined that the use of the car for stiffs and slices did not violate county ordinances. Bethel, who was not arrested, is facing $400 in fines for driving with a suspended license and operating a vehicle without an inspection certificate. The station wagon is registered to Carl Delia, owner of a so-called removal service that delivers dead bodies to Philadelphia-area funeral homes.

So I wonder: if the corpse isn't delivered in 30 minutes or less, does that mean the next funeral is free?

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It's "The 6-6-Sims"! More from the Left Behind franchise

Last year I posted a rant about the Left Behind books, and how it was becoming too much of a franchise. Some people said it might be one of the best (and funniest) things I've written here so far. In that screed I wondered why it is that Left Behind needs so many books to tell one story across seven years: Harry Potter needs only seven to tell his story for the same amount of time. One of the commenters to the article said it best: "16 full length books. Didn't John of Patmos accomplis the task in 22 chapters?" Those sixteen books include the "core" twelve novels, a book taking place a thousand years later and a prequel trilogy... the last of which comes out this June Sixth. So on 6-6-06 we'll not only have The Omen remake but The Rapture.

Oh yeah, and there's also the "young adults" books (about three dozen of those) and two series about the political and military action going on during the time of the main books.

And that still isn't enough! Check this out...

This is a screenshot from Left Behind: Eternal Forces, a real-time strategy game coming out soon. Here's the game's description that's on its official website:

Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling LEFT BEHIND book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!

· Lead the Tribulation Force from the book series , including Rayford, Chloe, Buck and Bruce against Nicolae Carpathia – the AntiChrist.

· Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.

· Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices.

· Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City.

· Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

· Enjoy a robust single player experience across dozens of New York City maps in Story Mode – fighting in China Town , SoHo , Uptown and more!

· Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!

This is the one that cracks me up: "Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world."

I'm sorry, but this is just... wrong. It's like The Sims with a dark side or something.

I think they should scrap this RTS-style game and make Left Behind into a massively-multiplayer online role-playing game. For fifteen bucks a month you could run around the world playing some poor "lost" dude and do things like taking the Mark of the Beast without ever having to worry about automatic damnation. Maybe Sony Online Entertainment could run it: they've already shown they can destroy entire worlds like Star Wars and The Matrix :-P

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Star Wars Celebration III... one year later

It was this weekend last year, April 21-24 of 2005, when Star Wars Celebration III was underway in Indianapolis, Indiana. Lisa and I packed up my car and left Greensboro, NC around 6:30 the night before the festivities began. We drove through some crazy countryside (Ohio seemed to go on forever) but about noon local time the next day, we made it. We were there for all four days of the events and had a rollickin' good time. Can't believe it's been a year already.

Well, I meant to post some of the pictures we took while we were there not long after we got back. Lots of things happened between then and now and the best I was able to do was post some photos that proved we were really there. But now with the anniversary, and having a little time today to do it, I thought it might be a good time to post a lot more. Be warned: this is going to be pretty graphic-intensive...

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The main hallway of the Indianapolis Convention Center. This picture is really just one small part of everything that was going on.

That's Deborah, a really good friend (and master costumer/jewelry-maker) from Texas, with Lisa and me.

Lisa with the Darth Vader costume used in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

This being a Star Wars convention, naturally there were many people who came in costume...

I swear, there must have been a dozen or so ladies walking around wearing the "Leia metal bikini"...Wherever a Slave Leia was at, she stopped traffic and all the guys wrestled into a good spot to take pictures of her.

These next two were undoubtedly some of my favorite costumes of the thing. Here's a guy who dressed up as the original 1977 Luke Skywalker Action Figure released by Kenner (even the backside of it was printed like the original, and check out his "lightsaber")...

And then there was this guy, the "Janitor-trooper"...
This next guy may be at a convention devoted to a whole 'nother genre, but his costume is aces...I liked what was in the exhibition hall, even though it didn't seem as good as the one from 2002. The LEGO area was definitely one of the best places of the entire convention. Check these out...
Get a load of this all-LEGO Chewbacca!This next one is kinda ironic: there's a line in Forcery where it's mentioned that Jar Jar Binks got frozen in carbonite. Well, someone went and actually DID that!
Now, this next picture requires some explanation. On the morning of April 22nd, there was a near-riot that broke out at Celebration III regarding the collectibles store. Star Wars Fan Club guests were supposed to be allowed in an hour or so earlier than the general public. Although I was a member, Lisa and I didn't get in until an hour and a half after general admission started. Well, about the time I got to the doors of the store the guy in the center of the photo came out and said that they were closing the store down for the day, after only being open for an hour and a half! Supposedly it was the fire marshal that made them do it. No one knows for sure exactly what the deal was...This, more than anything else, is why I believed then - and still believe - that Celebration III wasn't as well organized as Celebration II had been in 2002. The '02 convention was just about as perfect an event as you could probably have. I think the reason for that is because in 2002 it was Lucasfilm themselves that was managing everything. For '05, they farmed-out the running of the thing to Gen Con LLC. Gen Con runs role-playing game conventions, not serious sci-fi/fantasy conventions. So much disaster happened at C3 because of their foul-ups. From what I've heard, it was so bad that the last day and a half or so of C3 the Lucasfilm guys saw what was happening and started taking more direct control of everything. I do believe that things were better from Saturday morning on. But next time they have a Celebration I hope that they learn from the mistakes of this one. Having more than one convention store is one idea, with a lot more stock.

By the way, I was finally able to get into the store on Sunday morning, and got to buy four of the last of the limited-edition Celebration III Darth Vader figures. In addition to a few other souvenirs. But I ain't kidding: when the Gen Con guys came out Friday morning and announced they were closing for the day, you could feel the rank anger focused on them from the fans. It honestly surprised me that it didn't come to physical violence. Lucasfilm, if you ever read this, PLEASE run the next Celebration by yourselves. Gen Con plainly wasn't up to the challenge.

Here's Yoda, on display in the Lucasfilm Archive room:

One of the biggest highlights of the event was the live appearance of the creator of Star Wars himself, Mr. George Lucas. We got into the second session (of three) that he did with an audience. We got fairly close to him, though you can't really tell that from how dark it was in the auditorium:

That's Rick McCallum on Lucas's right, and master of ceremonies Jay Laga'aia (Captain Typho from the Star Wars prequels).

Whew!! So may pictures, and so little space to put them in. It was a year ago to day that we got to see George Lucas in person... can't believe it's been that long already. Maybe I'll post these with Flickr or something eventually. Hopefully before the rumored Celebration IV next year.

And, that was our trip! Which we both enjoyed and I think it helped Lisa: my wife is now at peace in the knowledge that however "far out" her husband is with Star Wars, that there are many, many others who are way more worse than he :-P

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At Stone Mountain

Lisa and I visited Stone Mountain in Georgia a week ago. We checked out a lot of stuff and then stuck around to watch the laser show that they do on the side of the mountain every night this time of year.

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Gas prices in Greensboro, North Carolina

These were taken just today:

These prices averaged about twenty cents cheaper about a week and a half ago. There's at least one station that is selling gas at $3.09.

The oil company execs claim there's no price gouging going on. They're saying they aren't out to exploit any situation. They want you to believe that they're as helpless as the rest of us are when it comes to the price of gasoline.

So earlier this week Exxon-Mobil's board of execs vote to give a $400 million retirement package to this man:

Lee Raymond, CEO of Exxon-Mobil$400 million... that's more than any Powerball lotto I've ever heard of.

It wouldn't surprise me if we saw $4.00 gasoline and up by the end of this summer. Definitely gonna skyrocket if President Bush ("The Decider") attacks Iran.

Heck, it wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if he did attack, just to "help out" his old oil buddies.

Bill O'Reilly has a good article today about all this.

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