My fellow Americans,
After a great deal of prayer and contemplation and consulting with those closest to me, it is with great excitement and joy that I officially announce that I am now a candidate for President of the United States... in 2016.
Why am I announcing my candidacy for that far-off race instead of for one much sooner? There are several reasons. The most obvious being that per the Constitution I am currently not old enough to run for President. Second, nine years is a plenty long time to continue growing and maturing as a person. I wouldn't be ready to take the job now or even in the next few years... but almost a decade from now, I might have the understanding and wisdom needed to execute the office as best as I possibly can.
Third, I'm no fool: I'm a political independent, unaffiliated with any major party. I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell of getting elected anytime soon. The two major parties have long colluded with each other to quash any outside threat to their mutual kleptocracy. And their allies in the media are not only too lazy to challenge the status quo: they are too comfortable with being part of the status quo. Right now a "third party" candidate has slim-to-no chance of getting any face time on television or the newspapers. That's right now though. Given how the Republicans and Democrats are fast running out of vigor (which is why they can only field lackluster people like Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush as candidates) and how many Americans are becoming disillusioned with both of them, I'd say it's altogether possible that an "outsider" could challenge – and beat – the Two Party Beast in another decade.
Fourth: I have a life that I want to live and enjoy before committing to something that will define it within a very narrow spectrum for the rest of my days. There are things that I want to do and enjoy first, with my wife and with any children that God might give us. Winding up the most powerful man in the world wouldn't be worth losing out on all those potentially wonderful experiences. I want to take those with me into eternity, not a job – that would strip me of that freedom – that lasts, at most, eight years.
Why am I offering my services as President? Because I want to do my damndest to make sure that my children – who are not born yet, but I love them anyway – will get to live in a better world than the one I grew up in. And if it takes making a sacrifice of time and possible career in something that I would rather be doing instead to achieve that, then I'll do it.
Look, I don't even really want this. Seriously. But if 2016 or sometime after that rolls around and someone else wants me to do this, I'm letting y'all know what you can expect of me. So here goes...
Taxation
There should be no more income tax.The income tax is the chain that has made serfs out of the American people. It's time to break that chain. Destroy the income tax and the American people will be more free than they have been in a hundred years.
We need a national retail sales tax.
A national retail sales tax is fair, will not unduly violate the privacy of the citizenry as the income tax does, will be unavoidable, and will be one element that forces the federal government to live within its means instead of anticipating how much from the public treasury it can expect to spend.
Taxation in its present form is slavery. I will come to free the slaves.
Abortion
Previous self-styled "conservative" Presidents were too afraid to touch Roe v. Wade. They either feared a political backlash if they did attack it, or they were loathe to destroy one of the few issues that has faithfully kept a block of the electorate loyal to the Republican party.
I don't give a flying rat's butt about either.
Mother Teresa once said that "The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion, because if a mother can kill her own child what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between." And indeed, the allowing of the killing of the unborn has done more damage to our culture than any other issue. If we cannot say that we cherish the value of the life of the most helpless of innocents, then there is no moral reason why we should cherish the value of those we see every day.
The allowing of abortion – and the continuance of abortion for political gain – has been the single greatest scar from our slide into national decadence. That must end now.
If elected, I will sign an executive order calling for state and local authorities to no longer enforce the Roe v. Wade decision.
And I will invite Congress to pass legislation against my measure if it feels led to do so.
Let's see who among us is truly for protecting innocent life.
Some will say that I would be over-riding the will of the Supreme Court. No: I would be invoking a seldom-used power of check and balance against a Supreme Court decision that many of its defenders even admit is "terrible legislation". I intend to make Roe v. Wade an un-enforced decision until Congress and the states pass an anti-abortion amendment. One has been promised to the American people for long enough: now it's time to deliver on it.
National Defense
The men and women of the United States military have sworn an oath to serve the people of this country and their Constitution, not to serve its government or its leaders. American armed services personnel were never intended to be used as expendable assets for political or other personal gain. I believe in a strong national defense and to give those in our armed forces the support they need to protect our country. But I do not believe in taking lightly their choice to serve their country in this capacity.
Gun Ownership Policy
There is but one reason why the Founding Fathers included the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights: to make clear that the American people have the ability to launch an offense against the government if that government gets out of control.
That is not an invitation to anarchy. That is an assertion of cultural self-control.
I believe that each person has the right to self-defense without government oversight. Existing gun laws are redundant and unnecessary: the Second Amendment gives each American citizen all the authority he or she needs to bear a firearm. Furthermore, I support concealed-carry laws.
Education
The job of education belongs to the governments at the local and state level, not the federal government. Thus, I believe that the Department of Education should be done away with, and legislation such as No Child Left Behind and Goals 2000 be revoked.
Illegal Immigrants
It is right to help your neighbor. It is not right to let your neighbor live off your own efforts without giving anything in return. The Christian thing is to encourage him to look after his own house, instead of raiding your own.
Illegal immigration is sapping away at the economic resources of this country. We can either provide for our own people, or we can provide for a people who do not legally belong here... but we cannot do both. Harsh as some will claim it to be, as President I would have no recourse but to opt to make provision for the rightful citizens of the United States.
I propose building a fence along the border with Mexico and defending it with an adequate number of both Border Patrol agents and members of the United States military. And it will be intended to remain so defended until such time as Mexico has demonstrated that it will stop the influx of its own citizens north across the border into our own.
Iraqi-style Nation Building
"Spreading democracy" is a policy that has failed. Time has shown that this endeavor is really a thinly-veiled effort to accomplish what used to be called "empire building". Well, the American Empire must end now, and let American sovereignty bloom anew. If we are to want other nations to respect the right for us to determine our own destiny, we must respect other nations' right to do the same.
Property Taxes
There should be no property taxes. You are supposed to own your home. If you have to pay a "user's fee" out of fear of forced removal at the point of a gun, then it is not really your own home. This goes hand-in-hand with...
Private Property
The Supreme Court erred horrendously with the Kelo decision. If it takes a Constitutional amendment to reaffirm the right to own property in this country, then I'm not against taking it that far.
Social Security
...was a bad idea from the start. But, we're stuck with it. I don't believe that the federal government should be running it anymore though. It's high-time to privatize this thing.
Judicial Restraint
All too often, ridiculous legislation comes not out of duly-elected public representatives that are accountable to the people, but from appeals courts whose judges are appointed for life. It needs to be re-asserted that the role of the courts is to interpret the law, not to rewrite it.
Marriage Amendment
The Constitution of the United States does not need an amendment "protecting traditional marriage".
Marriage is a concept that has been instituted by God, not by man. It is the most time-honored and respect state that exists between two people. "Marriage" per its strictest definition is the joining of two different things into an entirely new product: in the case of human marriage, this being a man and woman come together in a new identity. This has been understood by cultures throughout the world since time immemorial. Indeed, marriage is perhaps the one contract between two people that is legally recognized by all nations.
There is nothing we, as carnal men and women can do, that can do through legislation that will either protect or enhance what God has established. I believe that creating a "traditional family amendment" should be recognized as being a reactionary move at most, and one that, like the promise of ending abortion, is being used to exploit the fears of certain members of the voting public.
Make no mistake: I believe that homosexual behavior is wrong. But a "traditional marriage amendment" is not the right way to address that.
Exportation of Jobs
I believe that corporate taxes should be lowered and that tax incentives be given to companies that maintain domestic production, instead of shipping the work to be done overseas. I also believe in imposing stronger tariffs on goods imported into the United States, to provide an economic incentive to stimulate American manufacturing.
Energy
We need to wean ourselves off of dependence on foreign oil. And we need to stop defining our energy policies according to the desires of a handful of oil companies that put profits before responsibility to others.
If elected, I promise ...
... to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States of America to the best of my ability and understanding.... to take with me into the White House the best people that I know of for my staff. And I mean the best people regardless of which political parties they might happen to belong to.
... to abolish the Department of Education.
... to abolish the Internal Revenue Service.
... to privatize Social Security.
... to not use the State of the Union as a bully platform for my own agenda, but instead use it to reflect upon what it's intended to be about: the state of the union. Additionally, there will no longer be an annual set State of the Union address, but a series of both occasional speeches before a joint session of Congress and formal letters describing the national condition as such needs arise.
... to not attack another country unless the country I have sworn to serve is attacked first.
... to revoke "Most-Favored Nation" status with China.
... to cease overly-cheerful diplomatic relations with countries that engage in gross violations of civil rights, such as Saudi Arabia.
... to make neutrality the official position of the United States government in regards to disputes between Israel and the Palestinians. Although I personally believe that the Israelis have sole claim to the lands they occupy, the behavior on both sides is such that I am led to believe that this is something the Israelis and Palestinians should hash out between themselves, without outside involvement.
... to remove America from involvement in the United Nations until that organization has proven that it can exist beyond the influence of corruption (which will probably be never).
... to make myself available for press conferences at least twice a month.
... to give media outlets beyond the "mainstream press" unprecedented representation in the White House press corps.
.. to not keep those protesting me out of my sight. In fact, I promise to go to extremely reasonable lengths to hear them and their concerns.
... to make the White House the people's house again, and not an armed fortress out of the people's reach.
... to take no vacations that last more than two weeks.
... to do whatever I can to enable the active involvement of third parties and the unaffiliated in the American political system, including the ultimatum that I will not participate in presidential debates unless they involve at least two other "third party" candidates.
... to fire from employment in my administration anyone found to be violating the Constitutional rights of a fellow citizen.
... to serve no more than one term, unless there is without question some substantial and demonstrated desire from the American people that I should serve a second.
... to introduce within my first month of office: a Constitutional amendment that outlaws abortion, a Constitutional amendment that abolishes the 17th Amendment (thus returning election of Senators back to respective state legislatures), and a Constitutional amendment that ends "anchor baby" citizenship status to children born of illegal immigrants.
... to set forth policy among the United States military that armed services personnel are to swear loyalty to the Constitution of the United States, and not necessarily to the government of the United States or to the President of the United States, if the government or the President demonstrate that such loyalty is not owed to them.
Given the inordinate amount of time leading up to the 2016 election, don't be surprised if I wind up addressing some other issues before then.
What are Thestrals? Well, if you only know Harry Potter from the movies and haven't read the books, you have seen these creatures already... kinda. Harry doesn't actually behold what Thestrals look like until Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and Luna Lovegood assures him that he is not losing his mind. It takes a particular sort of person - someone who has had a certain kind of experience - to see these grotesque yet magnificent animals. They're probably one of my favorite magical creatures in the Harry Potter series. Expect to see them play a fairly big role in the upcoming movie adaptation of Order of the Phoenix.
