Don't sin at your own funeral, sez cult leader Johnny Robertson

If anyone still harbored doubts about Johnny Robertson - leader of the local cult calling itself the "Church of Christ" - those were erased during last night's broadcast of What Does the Bible Say? on WGSR Star 47.1 from Reidsville.

During the program, which included pre-recorded footage of Robertson speaking yesterday at his "Martinsville Church of Christ", Robertson exclaimed that to have the wrong funeral is grounds enough to displease God! Robertson told his followers to make sure that no instrumental music be played during their last rites.

Here's the transcript of what Johnny Robertson said at "Martinsville Church of Christ" on August 16, 2009 (with bold-faced text indicating spoken emphasis)...

"If you haven't determined how your funeral is going to go, you need to! Because you have family members who do not agree with what I just quoted from the Bible in Ephesians 5:19 about speaking to yourselves in songs, hymn and spiritual song! They will have you in your funeral, all kinds of pianos and stuff like that playing, and you won't want that not at all! But if you haven't said so, guess what? Your family gets to do what they want to do. So let me encourage you today, as we sing that song and we think about going home: when you leave us here behind, as you go home, make sure you leave us some instructions and your family some instructions so EVERYBODY knows how your funeral is SUPPOSED to go. We won't want people dishonoring you, your memory when you leave, what we mean by that is dishonoring you before God. So make sure you make those instructions, young or old, and give them to somebody else who is faithful and will make sure those things get carried out."

So according to Johnny Robertson, you are sinning before God if you have musical instruments playing at your funeral. Which makes it all so vital that you leave explicit directions prohibiting pianos, organs and the like from being used when you can't raise any objections from your casket or urn.

That is hyper-legalism to the nuttiest extreme that I have ever heard of.

Heck, Robertson and his followers are worse than the Pharisees were! Jesus took the Pharisees to task for the ridiculous lengths they went to in following the law. In the case of the "Church of Christ" cult (again, it has nothing to do with the regular Churches of Christ) they can't follow the law nearly enough so people like Robertson have to make up law that's not even scriptural! Ephesians 5:19, from the New International Version, simply states "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord". Nowhere does it ever say in the Bible that to have instrumental music is an affront to God.

And then there's the glaringly obvious fact that for all his boasting about "knowing the Bible better than anyone", that Johnny Robertson does not have much of a sincere knowledge of the Bible at all. Because if he did, Robertson should already understand that...

"We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord."

-- 2nd Corinthians 5:8 (NIV)

We can't dishonor God after we have already left this world and gone into His presence. And not Johnny Robertson or anyone else should have this kind of unhealthy focus on whether our funerals are "right or wrong" anyway.

It's the life which Christ has given us that matters most of all: that life free by grace according to the rule of love, and not enslaved to the rule of law.

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I have an idea...

It came to me when I happened to catch tonight's CBS Evening News (which I don't usually watch at all).

Want to know how to economically revitalize the newspaper and television news industries, and increase enlightenment among the general public in one fell swoop?

It's very simple: ban the words "conservative" and "liberal" from usage by professional journalists.

Those words are worse than useless. They are woefully outdated terminology. The only function of "liberalism" and "conservatism" is to excuse one's own intellectual laziness.

(And truth be known, I'm seeing a lot of laziness in CBS's reporting tonight... but not really more than one would expect from CNN or Fox News either.)

That's no doubt a big reason why television and print journalism is suffering a slow and lingering death. The alternatives on the Internet - which are not confining themselves to a paradigm that was faulty well before it was obsolete - are attracting a vast audience wanting and demanding a fresh look at things replete with new ideas. Dumbed-down "debate" along the conservative/liberal lines is horridly boring... and doesn't represent reality at all.

People are getting tired of fakery and illusion. There is a dire and growing hunger for truth that we haven't known very much in living memory. And if the traditional media has any desire at all to survive, it's left with no choice but to commit to the higher standard of ideas, and abandon adherence to the lowest common denominator of cheap ideologies.

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Neill Blomkamp's ALIVE IN JOBURG

District 9 was the big winner at the theaters this weekend. A lot of folks are raving about how this movie is much better than a summer box office blockbuster deserves to be. I'm looking forward to catching it again later this week.

In the meantime, here is Neil Blomkamp's short film that inspired his District 9 feature film. You won't be spoiled by watching Alive in Joburg but if you've seen District 9 you'll certainly catch the similarities...

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eBay auction for crypt above Marilyn Monroe

Elsie Poncher says she needs money. But instead of pawning her wares or otherwise liquidating what most people consider to be normal assets, Mrs. Poncher has opted to sell off what must be one of the most unusual pieces of real estate in the world: she's selling the tomb of her husband at Westwood Memorial Park in Los Angeles. The crypt is currently occupied by the remains of Richard Poncher.

It's also located directly above the final resting place of Marilyn Monroe.

And what's more, Elsie Poncher is auctioning the tomb on eBay.

The initial bidding began at $500,000. As of this writing eBay Item #320412140795 "Crypt Above Marilyn Monroe For Sale" has received 23 bids and is up to $2,750,600.

Here's the item's description:

Here is a once in a lifetime and into eternity opportunity to spend your eternal days directly above Marilyn Monroe. This crypt in the famous Westwood Cemetary in West Los Angeles currently occupied above Marilyn Monroe is being vacated so as to make room for a new resident. "Spending Eternity next to Marilyn Monroe is too sweet to pass up", recently quoted by Hugh Heffner, who has reserved his place in eternity next to her. The lucky bidder will be deeded a piece of real estate that he or she will make their last address. And below you will be Marilyn Monroe. In fact the person occupying the address right now is looking face down on her.

"In fact the person occupying the address right now is looking face down on her"...?!

Words fail.

But in case anyone's interested, here's a photograph of what Mrs. Poncher is selling on eBay:

And she even takes PayPal!

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Safety First: Why Apple should never retire the iPod Classic

There's some tragic news out of Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania this weekend: a 19-year old woman is dead following an automobile accident. And apparently the motorist was distracted by the iPod she was trying to work while driving the car.

Before writing anything else, two things need to be said: I have no idea what model of iPod the driver was using. And I'll be the first to admit that I also use my iPod while driving. I might as well come clean on that much because otherwise I wouldn't be able to share these thoughts to begin with...

Normally, I don't think it's much of a problem to talk on a cellphone or work an iPod while driving. It's not much different an effort than messing around with the radio trying to find a good station (and it's pretty darned rare to hear of any crash being caused by touching that dial). Just for safety's sake though, I don't usually do things like that unless I'm securely on the road (i.e. not about to make any turns) and not otherwise distracted by anything else. 'Cuz hey: at that moment the velocity of the car is gonna be my top priority.

But I also don't believe that a driver should be text messaging while going down the road. That's a lot of focus and attention getting demanded from a device as opposed to passive use just by talking into it, or using simple movements with your thumb.

And that's one of the reasons why I ain't been keen on getting an iPod Touch, either.

I've tried the iPod Touch before, either at an Apple Store or one of those that some of my friends own. Personally, I found the model to be much harder to passively use than the original design of the iPod Classic. Even a simple task like changing the volume requires considerable visual contact with the device. And to use the iPod Touch (and the iPhone for that matter) most efficiently, one more often than not has to use both hands.

None of these things have ever been an issue with the iPod Classic and its simple, yet extremely functional click wheel. A driver can very easily adjust volume and skip tracks in an album with only the gesture of a thumb... and without having to take the eyes off the road. If need be, a bare minimum of visual confirmation (again, not more than to glance at the car's stereo system) is all that's needed to change album or artist or podcast.

Is the same ease of use of the iPod Classic to be found on the iPod Touch? If it's there, I haven't experienced it. There's definitely not enough to want to trust myself with working an iPod Touch while on the road. I can and do however have plenty of confidence that I can work my iPod Classic while in my car... just as I do every day. But that's not something I could see doing with the iPod Touch at all.

Some are reporting that Apple might be preparing to drop the iPod Classic model entirely, and compel its users to adopt the iPod Touch instead. I can't think of a worse thing that Apple could do with its popular multimedia device (yeah, even worse than not giving us the option to easily replace the battery) than to abandon the iPod Classic. And I say that as one who is absolutely eager to eventually get an iPod Touch: I'm just waiting for the flash storage capacity to catch up with what I'm used to from the hard drive of the iPod Classic (though I still wouldn't wanna drive with it). There is not only room for both models but a substantial need for consumers to be able to choose between the two. And for those of us who have operating a motor vehicle as an integral part of our daily lives, the iPod Classic is obviously the more safety-conscious alternative.

Ideally, I would love for Apple to not only retain the iPod Classic, but to continue advancing it along with the latest technology (an iPod Classic with more than 80 gigs of flash storage would be nice, hint-hint).

I just hope that Apple isn't considering letting the iPod Classic go just because the company wants to push sales from its App Store for the iPod Touch and iPhone. Doing so would certainly neglect a substantial portion of its users who appreciate the iPod Classic for its proven reliability, its iconic look, and its quality of being safe to operate in most any circumstance.

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Hypocrisy: Republicans launch site to track wild spending

So the House Republican Conference has just started up a new website dedicated to helping "the public and the press keep track of the billions of taxpayer dollars spent each year on government projects".

Who the hell do these people think they're kidding?

WHERE was this kind of concern from the Republicans about "billions of taxpayer dollars" between the years 2001 and early 2009, when they had the White House and for most of that time control of the House and Senate?

George W. Bush and his allies misspent more money from the public treasury than any other presidential administration in modern American history. Thus far the fiscal practices of Barack Obama have not been intrinsically different or substantially more wasteful than those of his predecessor. And it could be readily argued that Bush and his Republican colleagues certainly paved the way for whatever Obama will be doing for the next three or seven years.

The Republicans may complain about Obama's reckless abandon... but it was certainly the modern GOP that showed Obama and the Democrat party how to do it big and bold and without apology.

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The Harry Tuttle action figure!

Good Lord... I would love for this thing to be mass-produced and sold somehow!

There's a dude calling himself Sillof who excels at creating custom action figures, making replicas of movie props and all kinds of other uber-kewl stuff. Sillof has already achieved fame with his "steampunk" inspired renditions of characters from the Star Wars saga.

But check this out: Sillof has made an action figure of Archibald "Harry" Tuttle!

Every detail of the renegade terrorist heating and air-conditioning repairman that Robert De Niro played in Terry Gilliam's movie Brazil has been reproduced: right down to the pistol and ventilation maintenance tools.

Well done Sillof! And I can't think of a toy that more reflects what our society is becoming... or one screaming more to be made than this one.

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Mathematicians model zombie attack and survival odds

"Hit hard and hit often." That's the conclusion reached by a group of Canadian mathematicians who have produced a model of epidemic rates of a hypothetical zombie attack and how one might be survived.

According to the researchers, an infestation in a city of 500,000 people would find the living outnumbered by the undead within three days. However, a strategy of "impulsive eradication" adopted early enough would be adequate to deal with the crisis.

It is good to know such things, yes?

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THE BALLAD OF G.I. JOE

Thanks to Phillip Arthur for finding this. And I have not seen the new G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie but I have heard that "The Ballad of G.I. Joe" is gads better than that... film. Here it is, starring a lot of famous faces!

And in case you're wondering who's who, here's the cast list:

Laz Alonso as Doc, Alexis Bledel as Lady Jaye, Billy Crudup as Zartan, Zach Galifianakis as Snow Job, Tony Hale as Dr. Mindbender, Frankie Kang as Storm Shadow, Geoff Mann as Buzzer, Andreas Owald as Snake Eyes, Daniel Strange as Torch, Kevin Umbricht as Ripper, Vinnie Jones as Destro, Joey Kern as Tomax, Joey Kern as Xamot, Chuck Liddell as Gung Ho, Julianne Moore as Scarlett, Henry Rollins as Duke, Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck, Olivia Wilde as The Baroness, Jamin Fite as Cobra Commander, Sgt. Slaughter as Himself

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I honestly don't know what to say about DISTRICT 9

I just came back from a midnight premiere showing in Greensboro. And I want to start pouring out words like mad about how wog-boggled I am over how insanely excellent this movie is!

But then I remember how it was that I went into seeing District 9, the first feature film to be directed by Neill Blomkamp (it's also produced by Peter Jackson).

The first I ever heard about District 9 it was about two weeks ago, when the first word of mouth started trickling around the blogosphere about how this might turn out to be the best movie of the summer. I only really caught "aliens in South Africa" and how it was inspired by the history of apartheid in that country. And that's been it. Up 'til tonight I had seen not one television spot for District 9 or seen any trailers for this movie. Other than catching a look at the official posters here and there, I entered the theater to see District 9 as cold as a person could possibly be.

And that's how I want you, dear reader, to see it also. Without knowing what to expect at all, or at least knowing as little as possible. There are too few good things in life that catch us unawares and leave us... how do I put this?

Haunted? Enlightened? Enraptured?

I came out of watching District 9 all of those things and more. And I'm very much looking forward to seeing this movie again during the weekend, and possibly even once more after that.

District 9 is the most original science fiction movie that I've seen in a very long time. And let's just leave it at that. Absolutely worth checking out during its cinematic run!

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Today on this blog...

...I ain't got nothin'.

Why are you reading this anyway? Go out and play instead :-)

(More good stuff coming soon. Including, Lord willing, a movie review tomorrow.)

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Newly discovered pitcher plant eats rats!

Behold the Nepenthes attenboroughii: a pitcher plant found on the slopes of Mount Victoria in the central highlands of the Philippines.

First spotted by a group of Christian missionaries who were attempting to reach the summit of Mount Victoria in 2000, a team of botanists confirmed the existence of the plant, which has been named in honor of British broadcaster and naturalist Richard Attenborough.

Nepenthes attenboroughii boasts a monstrous-sized maw: big enough to drown and eat prey as big as a rat!

Read more about it here at the BBC's website.

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I'm beginning to seriously wonder...

...if the next American civil war might begin over, of all things, health care.

No, really.

I've openly mused on this blog before about what issue it would take for this country to begin tearing itself apart. Previously I thought it would be about illegal immigration (which is still a huge problem and one that very few elected officials seem inclined to address).

But now, having seen numerous videos coming from "town hall" meetings between members of Congress and their constituents, and seeing the very real disdain that too many politicians obviously have toward the people they have sworn an oath to serve...

No, I don't think this is "partisan" very much at all now. I do however believe that the disconnect which has been growing for many years between regular citizens and their elected representatives - during times in which both major parties have been "in power", it should be noted - is finally come to the point beyond mere "strained" and hurtling toward complete breaking.

I don't want the United States government managing my health care. As "Cash for Clunkers" has demonstrated, this government can't even run a used-car business. And that is a legitimate enough thing for anybody to be worried about. Most likely, a lot of people, And it's also quite probable that darn near as many will be honked-off enough to fight against it. By any means necessary, if push comes to shove. If for no other reason than because I like to believe the American people for the most part do not cotton to being dictated to by unaccountable bureaucrats in a far-off city.

For what little that it's worth... 'cuz hey, I'm just a guy with a blog... I'll simply note this: that if President Barack Obama continues pressing ahead with his "health care reform", nothing good will come of it for him.

And neither do I believe that this should be seen as a ripe "political opportunity" for the Republicans, either. This is something that must be opposed for the right reasons: on grounds that it is the scariest push toward socialism in living American memory.

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Warhammer 40,000 battle report: "Komedy of Errors" as Orks slaughter Chaos Space Marines!

Finally got to return to the friendly local game store after business the past two weeks kept me from indulging in one of my latest newfound pastimes: Warhammer 40,000. But in the interim I've been building up a new army. Ever since this past winter I've been playing Space Marines of the Ultramarines chapter (the ones that come in the Warhammer 40,000: Assault on Black Reach intro set). Lately though I've thought about changing things up a bit, and Space Marines of various stripes do tend to be the most popular faction anyway, what with every player seeming to possess at least one army of the Emperor of Mankind's most faithful servants.

So for the past few weeks I've been getting my first army of Orks ready for battle. And the timing was perfect, 'cuz as a personal rule I never field any model until I'm satisfied that it looks good. If my soldiers are going to fight and possibly die for me, then they merit enough respect for me to paint them like they deserve, right?

Anyhoo, today I threw my Orks into combat for the first time. Four players this afternoon at our table. There was me with a little less than 500 points worth of Orks...

And here's my Ork Warboss. I think he's unique/powerful/ugly enough to need a proper name: anyone have any suggestions?

Playing with me today was Tom, who brought along a gnarly collection of Tyranids (think of the Borg from Star Trek crossed with the Bugs from Starship Troopers). Normally Tyranids and Orks don't get along 'cuz Orks fight everything and Tyranids eat everything. But this game (as chosen by a roll of the die) was a "unit/points" thingy, where destroying anything considered a unit is 1 point and the side with the most points at the end winning. Let's just assume for today's battle that these are Tyranids cut off from the Hive mind that are maddened or the Orks are using in battle or something. Anyhoo, here's Tom...

And playing a whole bunch of Chaos Space Marines were Brandon and Joe. Joe is also Tom's kid brother, and it was evident from the start that he was out to "show up" Tom. This was also Brandon and Joe's very first time playing Warhammer 40,000, so naturally a lot of the adults were on hand to show them what to do/all the tricks etc.

But look in Brandon and Joe's eyes. Yup, two more poor unfortunate souls that have been ensnared by Warhammer 40,000. I saw them earlier oggling the Assault on Black Reach intro set, which is like the "gateway drug" for this hobby. Way too late for you now kids: you're in deep and the hole goes very far indeed...

Admittedly, the first few rounds did not go well for our side. Both squads of my Ork Boyz took light casualties at long distance from Chaos Space Marine fire and neither of the Big Shootas that I was armed with hit anything. I decided to push the Orks forward and engage at close range (which turned out to have been a very wise thing in the long run).

Meanwhile, Tom and Joe were having at each other in what must be the most hilarious thing that I have seen playing Warhammer 40,000 thus far. Joe brought forth his Chaos-possessed Dreadnought, which quickly lost what I call the "insanity roll" and went mad and plowed headlong toward Tom's swarm of Tyranid Termagants...

...and then the Termagants completely overwhelmed the Chaos Dreadnought!

The Chaos Space Marine Dreadnought was hopelessly engaged for the rest of the game fighting off the Termagants. And as you can see from the pic above, that freed my Nobz to press forward without having that to worry about.

The Ork offensive was well underway...

Soon afterward however, one squad of "da Boyz" engaged in close quarters combat with the Space Marines and were, to an Ork, wiped out. And in the next round my other squad of Boyz were completely killed off too after I had declared a Waaagh! (the one time that kamikaze-style tactics failed to carry this day). So in retaliation my Warboss took on a Chaos-claimed Rhino bare-handed. Well, if you count the power claw as being a hand too...

The results of that bit o' mayhem were one destroyed Rhino which blew up and no damage taken by the Warboss! It was the start of a great green tide that would soon wash over the landscape.

I must confess though: at this point I thought it was pretty hopeless 'cuz with both squads of Boyz gone, all I had were my Warboss and the Nobz. But as this was my first time playing Orks I had no idea just how strong the Nobz really were. First they utterly over-ran one squad of Chaos Space Marines and took their mad Waaagh! right to into Brandon and Joe's hapless faces...

I still can't believe I was rolling so many 5s and 6s during this murderous rampage.

So with the Nobz destroying two squads of Chaos Marines (and taking only one casualty among their own) the mighty Orks turned to the last two opposing unit left with any real fighting capability...

And a few minutes later, it was all over...

The cunning and beguiling forces of Chaos had fallen to the dumb and ugly Orks! Which, I guess in the higher scheme of the universe, means that this was ultimately a victory for Good. Orks aren't really evil: they're just that way by nature. Hey, J.R.R. Tolkien even said that his Orcs would not be eternally beyond redemption, so I like to think that the Orks in the Warhammer 40,000 universe have some positive inherent value too.

Or maybe I've just been spending too much time painting and detailing Orks lately :-P They're definitely my favorite army to play in this game for the time being, mainly 'cuz they're such a rich source of comedic value (even though their shooting abilities leave much to be desired).

Next week: the Orks are back and hopefully by then I'll have my Gretchins and Deffkoptas ready (and maybe even something a little "shokking" ;-)

EDIT 11:45 p.m. EST: I've come up with a name for my Ork Warboss. Think I'm gonna call him Kaneegutz! Which is sort of the Ork-ish corruption of my last name (and it sounds like "ka-neeguts" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail). And doesn't "Waaagh! Kaneegutz" sound like a great title for an Ork crusade? :-)

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Another cartoon from the twisted mind of Dave Lowe

Yech! But I mean that in a good way :-)

Find more of Dave's insanely genius (or is that geniusly insane?) humor at the website of his comic Para Abnormal!

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Ever watch this show MAD MEN on AMC?

It must be pretty new. I've never seen it before, but they're running a whole bunch of episodes today. I had the teevee on mostly for background noise whilst I work, but keep finding myself turning to watch the show.

Mad Men is uncommonly good. I may have to put the DVDs on my Netflix queue and catch up, or something.

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Classic SESAME STREET: Bert and Ernie's appliance war!

Dang, it's been a long time since this blog has seen any vintage Sesame Street sketches! Here's one that just got hosted on the official Sesame Street YouTube channel. From the very first season: Bert and Ernie do battle with dueling appliances!

This show certainly was darker and more violent in its early days. I doubt we'd ever see a sketch like this produced circa 2009.

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