God is not a bureaucrat.
Salvation does not derive from procedure.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Been playing GEARS OF WAR 3
I got it at the local GameStop at midnight yesterday morning/late Monday night. Got an hour or two in before going to bed and didn't play it at all throughout the day yesterday (had other stuff going on) but I was able to play it for three hours this afternoon.
Cliff Bleszinski and the crew at Epic Games have done it. Again. I don't know if "video game" is even applicable to Gears of War 3. There is plot and pacing and dialogue here that trumps that of most Oscar-winning motion pictures.
This is a whole new character-driven visceral form of narrative art. One scene in particular stands out in my mind: early in the game, you play as Cole leading a squad in search of supplies around his old hometown of Hanover. Cole and the squad enter a grocery store and come across a life-sized cardboard stand-up of Cole, looking as he did 17 years earlier, in his thrashball uniform advertising Thrashies cereal. Cole looks at himself from so long ago and says something about "Ever feel like you're dead, but nobody told you?"
It's a very simple and quiet moment but... it says so much more than any hail of gunfire or highly complicated scripted moment of cutscene.
It's gonna be a rainy evening, and I'm ahead on some stuff. Gonna crank up the Xbox 360 and head back to the front lines :-)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A prayer for all people, in all times
Confederate Soldier's PrayerI asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing I that I asked for but got everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among men, most richly blessed.-- Found on the body of a Confederate Soldier, 1861-1865
Good friend, fellow historian and Civil War buff Taryn Farmer shared this with her friends earlier today. I thought it would be well worth sharing with this blog's readers.
As of two hours ago...
...at the behest of President Obama, the armed forces of the United States have officially ended the "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding homosexuals in the military.
Bad, bad move by the Obama administration. And I am only saying that with it being borne in mind that military life is by definition radically different from civilian life. It is not a situation that allows for attempts at social engineering. Those who enlist by and large know this. They accept it. When you sign up to serve in the armed forces you give up a significant portion of what freedoms you would have had outside the military. This is necessary for the cohesion and morale of the forces as much as it is for optimizing the individual to serve to the utmost of his or her ability. If this is not a tolerable situation for a person for whatever reason, that person does not have to enlist. There is no such thing as a draft in the modern United States and hopefully there never will be need of one ever again.
Those who think that ending "don't ask, don't tell" is some progressive step forward, fail to understand that armed forces life revolves around the needs of others and not the "needs" of self.
Expect to see fewer young people choosing to sign up to serve, if this kind of playing games with the military goes on...
Monday, September 19, 2011
How about a Mister Magoo cartoon?
Couldn't resist sharing this lil' gem that I found a few days ago. Okay yeah it's awesome all on its own. But for me there's whole other significance. You see: this was the very first thing that I watched on a VCR in my own house! It was sort of a "late Christmas present" to ourselves. So on December 31st 1983, I came home from a sleepover at my best friend's place and Dad was hooking the first VCR we ever owned up to the TV, and to try it out he rented a tape with a bunch of Mister Magoo cartoons on it. I think we must have watched that thing over and over half a dozen times before the tape went back to Cobb TV and Stereo Barn (the only place in Reidsville at the time to rent videotapes from) on Monday morning.
Magoo Breaks Par
So from 1957 here is "Magoo Breaks Par", in which our nearsighted hero (voiced by Jim Backus) thinks he's off to play golf at the Ritzy Vista Country Club... with hilarious results!
Magoo Breaks Par
I've read that there is movement afoot to make all the Mister Magoo theatrical cartoons available on DVD. If so, I'll be the first in line to buy that set :-)
Genes found with links to schizophrenia and bipolar disorder
For those wondering about this blog's Being Bipolar series, I haven't stopped it at all. Just been trying to figure out what to write about next: something that I've changed my mind about something around 18 or 19 times now. 'Course, having bipolar disorder can sometimes be the worst impediment to writing about it, ironically. Hoping to write the next installment sometime this week or next.
In the meantime though, new research has been published about a possible cause of bipolar disorder, as well as schizophrenia...
Broad sweeps of the human genome have exposed genetic mutations that boost the risk of the devastating yet baffling diseases of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, according to two studies published Sunday.I would seriously like to have somebody put the genes of my own family under the microscope. As I've said before on this blog, the symptoms of bipolar disorder run in my family, even though so far as I know I'm the first to be medically diagnosed with the condition. I've got it and my grandmother and her father probably had it (though my own Dad has never exhibited the symptoms, thankfully).The independent studies, each conducted by a consortium of about 200 scientists, also found significant genetic overlap between the debilitating mental disorders.
Schizophrenia patients typically hear voices that are not real, tend toward paranoia and suffer from disorganized speech and thinking. The condition is thought to affect about one percent of adults worldwide.
Previously known as manic depression, bipolar disorder is characterised by hard-to-control mood swings that veer back-and-forth between depression and euphoria, and afflicts a similar percentage of the population.
The biological profile of both conditions remain almost entirely unknown. Doctors seek to hold them in check with powerful drugs.
Scientists have long observed that each syndromes tends to run in families, suggesting a powerful inherited component.
(snip)
For the study on bipolar disorder, also appearing in Nature Genetics, a team led by Pamela Sklar of Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York first looked at the genomes of 7,481 patients and 9,250 healthy individuals.
A second sweep focusing on 34 DNA suspects involved some 2,500 other patients and 42,500 controls.
The study confirmed a significant link with a gene, CACNA1C, that also has been previously associated with schizophrenia.
It also uncovered a new gene variant at another location, known as ODZ4, that suggests neurochemical channels in the brain activated by calcium play a role in boosting the risk of developing the disease.
For both studies, scientists hope that learning more about pathways in the brain affected by the diseases can lead to a better understanding of the causes and drugs to ease or block the symptoms.
The optimistic part of me really wants this to lead to more effective medication for bipolar and schizophrenia. It might take decades. In fact, it most likely will. But I'd love to within my lifetime be able to see that nobody would ever again have to endure the hell that this particular brand of mental illness has put me and my loved one through.
Reading about this research, I can't but feel excited :-)
President Obama wants $1,500,000,000,000 in new taxes
And this is supposed to create new jobs... HOW?!?!?
Read about the insane proposed new taxes here.
And in his speech Obama invoked the words "fair share" to justify the increased taxes on those who make more than a million dollars every year.
Y'know, I'm a far cry from being among the most wealthy people in the country. I'm just a guy whose trying to hack it as best he can. I take a few odd jobs here and there, do some writing and videography. I don't have a "regular job" like most people would consider it (though there is an occuptation which keeps me employed almost 24 hours a day). Believe me when I say this: that I would like nothing more than to be making more money. Not just for myself but to provide for a family when the Lord, if He's willing, lets me have that.
I'm not monetarily wealthy... and I'll be damned if I play along at all with Obama's immoral game of class welfare!
You wanna know what my biggest dream is? It's to make it as a filmmaker and be able to work with the people I care about and to produce EMPLOYMENT for some, where there hadn't been employment before. Think about that: being able to create work that lets others earn money and in turn pursue their own dreams. That's the way it used to be all over this country: there were good-paying jobs that would let anyone put a roof over the family's head and pay the bills and let him or her be free to chase after their own aspirations.
High taxes and class warfare destroys those things. Higher taxes make it increasingly difficult and ultimately impossible for jobs to be created by the private sector. How much of our industry has gone overseas during the past two decades? If it weren't for people who had a lot of money and were able to build factories and fund innovative research with that money, there would have been no industry for a lot of other people to earn money to fund their own opportunities.
And now, President Obama wants to take away even more money from the people who create the jobs.
Why the hell do we keep electing foolish people like this as our leaders?
Friday, September 16, 2011
Nicolas Cage is a time traveler!
A few years after the Civil War ended, Nicolas Cage was transported into the past and posed for this photograph in the vicinity of Bristol, Tennessee...
You can purchase the above photograph on eBay, provided you've got $1,000,000 to fork over for it.
Original c.1870 carte de visite showing a man who looks exactly like Nick Cage. Personally, I believe it's him and that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.Submitted for your approval.This is not a trick photo of any kind and has not been manipulated in Photoshop or any other graphics program. It's an original photo of a man who lived in Bristol, TN sometime around the Civil War.
I've had a lot of questions asking where I purchased this. As followers of my website know, I collect antique memorial photography - images of dead people - from the 1800s. This photo was found in the very back of album that contained an unusual number of Civil War era death portraits (which is why I purchased it). All of the other people in the album, living and dead, were identified by name - this man was not.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Review of Steve Jablonsky's GEARS OF WAR 3: THE SOUNDTRACK CD!
Ooh-boy, how am I going to handle this?! I mean, Gears of War 3 doesn't come out until September 20th, this coming Tuesday. And there ain't no way that I'm gonna get an advance copy of the game itself. Hey, I've got connections, sho 'nuff... but they don't penetrate into the inner sanctum of Epic Games (even if it is just a few miles away in Cary).
But a package arrived in the mail this week: a copy of the CD of Gears of War 3: The Soundtrack, composed by Steve Jablonsky.
Hmmmm. The score CD for the next Gears of War game. Composed by the dude who did the score for Gears of War 2, the Transformers movies and a bunch of other great stuff! Y'all think I'm not gonna review this bad boy?!
The thing is, I can listen to this abundawonderful score all I want... as I already have! But until I play the game itself, there's nothing to put this music in context with. I've done reviews of Jablonsky's Transformers scores and posted a review of Gears of War 2: The Soundtrack three years ago.
But writing a review of a Steve Jablonsky album without first experiencing the work that it's been composed for? That's a new one...
Okay so here's what I wound up doing. I set this CD a'playing and as each track ran, I composed my thoughts for it. So what you're about to see is something of a "running commentary" for the score.
I'll preface that stream of consciousness by saying this: that Gears of War 3: The Soundtrack is already one of my favorite scores for any medium! This album easily represents Steve Jablonsky's finest work to date. His Gears of War 2 score was already one of the most-played on my iPod (it's terrific listening for when you're in the chair at the dentist's office) and for Gears of War 3, the man has ratcheted up his game to intense new heights of instrumental emotion. Jablonsky's work on the previous game garnered great acclaim and some awards... but what he has turned in for Gears of War 3 will arguably set a whole new standard for the art of video game music. This is legendary accompaniment for a legendary saga.
Awright well, on with the tracks!
1. “Restless” – Some subdued strings building up to... something. Trailing off with a nice bit of piano.Gears of War 3: The Soundtrack by Steve Jablonsky is published by Sumthing Else Music Works, and will be available on September 20th from Amazon.com and other fine retailers. But if you just can't wait, you'll be pleased to know that it's already available via Apple's iTunes Store! So you can buy it now and buy it next week too (hey, I wound up getting it from iTunes as well as the nice shiny physical media currently and legally in my grubby lil' paws).2. “Gears Keep Turning” – This must be the “main” theme music of the game. The now-familiar Gears of War titles that Jablonsky so beautifully elaborated upon in Gears of War 2, given a drastically industrial tone. LOVE THIS TRACK!!
3. “Meanwhile Below Deck” – Lot of rising tension. About what, I haven’t a clue. Brief but wicked.
4. “Stalk City” – Having read all of Karen Traviss’ Gears of War novels (including Coalition’s End released last month) I’ve a pretty darned good idea what’s going on here. The Lambent are coming, people... and now we have proper music for it!
5. “High Seas Tension” – A bit sneaky and espionage-ish. Why am I thinking of Chairman Prescott when I listen to this?
6. “Infected Large and Hungry” – Hard, harsh, fast and riveting! Whatever this is music for, it sounds honkin’ big and pure angry. No doubt something that needs to be killed in the worst way...
7. “Marcus’ Rock” – More industrial with lots of heavy drums. Well, it’s a track named for a heavy guy, ain’t it?
8. “Calm before Chaos” – A quieter piece with underlying menace.
9. “Bridge Too Far Indeed” – Probably a track for an extended action sequence in the game with heaps of frantic. At 3:42 this is the longest track of the CD so far.
10. “Those Aren’t Stranded” – A piece with an urban edge to it. Can’t help but wonder if this might be used with Ice T’s character somehow...
11. “Forever Omen” – One word has come to best describe the Gears of War saga in my mind as this story has progressed over the past five years: “desperation”. This track, more than anything else on the CD thus far, evokes that sense of dread and increasing hopelessness. A beautiful and provocative piece.
12. “Hanover’s Favorite Son” – Didn’t Augustus Cole play thrashball for Hanover? Seem to recall that from the books. So I’m thinking this track has to do with Cole. Starts off surprisingly quiet then uplifts to a very patriotic-sounding crescendo. Another beautiful piece!
13. “Fence House Suicide Pills” – Something terrible is happening alongside this track, and I could write that even if it had been named “Happy Little Squirrels Dancing”.
14. “Ghost Town” – This brings to mind the journey to Mount Kadar and into Nexus from Gears of War 2. Maybe the fight through the ruins of Landown as well.
15. “A Fine Mess” – Most likely something for another crucial battle scene.
16. “Loss of a Leader” – Some mournful segments throughout this piece. But as for which leader (and who or what he/she/it is a leader of) I can’t clearly tell, though there is a COG-ish suggestion to it.
17. “Deadland Dance” – At 5 minutes and 17 seconds this is the longest track of the Gears of War 3 score. Somewhat bifurcated around the 2:20 mark, make of that what you will. The second part is fraught with increasing tension. Love how Jablonsky has worked the Gears of War main theme into this (as he is doing with much of the score already).
18. “Creeping Dread” – This has me thinking of the very first time that I played the original Gears of War, that first level where Dom breaks Marcus out of the Slab.
19. “Hammer Meets Anvil” – The title of this track alone has me giddy! The Hammer of Dawn being used at Anvil Gate perhaps? Hey, I’m stoked simply about the fact that Anvil Gate is reportedly a location in the game! A hard, brooding and threatening piece ending with what could be a countdown chanted by the Locust Horde’s Kantu priests.
20. “Corpser Ambush” – Another action-ish track. I’m guessing it has the player shooting at a Corpser. Maybe even more than one...
21. “Last Resort” – I have no idea what this is supposed to be music for. It’s beautiful, but... it could be set to anything.
22. “Full Circle” – Opens as if it’s written for a dramatic cutscene then quickly jumps to fast-paced action, before resolving into an even deeper and darkly brooding piece and ending with soft piano interlude. Something massively important is taking place here... I can feel it.
23. “Jumped Species Barrier” – That doesn’t sound good. If you’ve read the last two Gears of War novels, then you know that doesn’t sound good at all. This track echoes that.
24. “Ashes Fall Down” – The second-longest track of the CD (4:02). A wrathful piece of sound and fury.
25. “Fathoms Below” – If this is supposed to be “fathoms below” the surface of the ocean, there’s an awful lot of combat taking place down there. Or it could be fathoms below down in the Locust tunnels.
26. “Gasbag Airways” – Does this mean we’re gonna ride a torture barge again? Track continues the fast action pace of the previous few.
27. “Paradise Found” – There is a slightly alien sound to this track. Or at least exotic. And then it ramps up fast and crazy toward... what?!?
28. “Father and Son” – Another track whose title alone makes me eager with anticipation. Listening to it, I honestly can’t help but envision Marcus Fenix and his father Adam Fenix having their reunion. Gears of War has become a multi-generational epic on the same level as Star Wars and Harry Potter (not to mention The Godfather saga). This piece resonates that quality.
29. “Fury of the Tempest” – Stormy and apocalyptic. Full of rage.
30. “Live for Me” – A track of tragedy. Reminds me too much of “With Sympathy” from the Gears of War 2 score and if you played that game, you know what scene it was set to. Are we gonna cry just as when we get to this part of Gears of War 3? But no time to be tearful ‘cuz then it finishes on an action-suggestive tone.
31. “Finally a Tomorrow” - WOW!! The chorals alone set this track apart from darn nearly anything else we’ve heard from a Gears of War game. Could it be? Dare we hope that… there really will be a happy ending to this story after all?! Jablonsky is evoking an optimism that we just haven’t heard at ALL in this series. This is the flip side of the coin from the sinking of Jacinto at the end of Gears of War 2. And it sounds stunning!
However it is that you buy it, Gears of War 3: The Soundtrack gets this blogger's highest recommendation! Go get it. Or perish in flame. It's your choice. But, not really.
The most heartbreaking post in The Knight Shift history
sigh...
For a week now, even during the trip to D.C., my mind has been in agony over how to approach this.
I've gone over it a thousand times and more. But, I suppose there's nothing left to do, but to go ahead and address this. And maybe... maybe... some of us can get up the courage to move on.
For a while now I've been posting photos on this blog of my incredibly sweet and ravishingly beautiful cousin, Lauryn. And they've become something of a hit. In fact, I've even received numerous e-mails from single guys asking, sometimes begging, me to get them in touch with Lauryn.
Here she is from a few days ago, as a bridesmaid for my cousin Angela's wedding. That's Lauryn on the right (with Angela's sister Rachael on the left)...
Lauryn is a beautiful bridesmaid.
And she's going to be even more beautiful as a bride.
It is my great pleasure to announce that as of a few days ago, Lauryn is engaged! She'll be taking the vows with her boyfriend Jason later this year.
Congrats to Lauryn and Jason! Y'all are an incredibly lovely couple and I'm really looking forward to seeing the two of you embark on this journey that God has set you upon.
As for this blog's single male readership, be of good cheer: there are lots of young lasses in my family that probably won't mind becoming The Knight Shift's new pinup girl!
(But for the time being, I'm taking a rest from wielding that big heavy stick. To say nothing of Lauryn's dad Bob finally able to put the shotgun down...)
Pat Robertson sez: Alzheimer's is grounds for divorce (Pat, shut up sir!)
I'm looking at this one of two ways: that Pat Robertson sincerely believes what he is saying here. Either that, or as I have heard it said a number of times in my life: "Whom God would destroy, He first makes mad."
During a broadcast of his 700 Club this week, Christian Broadcasting Network founder and "evangelist" Pat Robertson said that it was perfectly justifiable to divorce a spouse with Alzheimer's disease, on the basis that the illness is "a kind of death".
What. The. Hell. ?!?!?
In all honesty, I can't see how Pat Robertson - if this is his genuine belief - is any different from those who support abortion and the "right to choose". You know: the things that his Christian Coalition was alleged to be standing against for all those years?
(Well, as a follower of Christ, I always thought that the Christian Coalition was a bullsh-t organization anyway, which was only concerned with accruing political power. It had nothing to do with earnestly seeking after Christ and what He would have us to do in this world.)
Yeah, how is this different from aborting a child? The rationale that Robertsin is offering is the same as that for killing an unborn within the womb: that it is a life too "inconvenient" for those who would rather live life to their own ends.
Marriage is something that a man and woman enter into "in sickness and in health". When a person enters into marriage he or she is publicly declaring that it will be to the end, enduring all trial and hardship. Alzheimer's is not a "kind of death". It is a disease that gradually robs a person of precious memory and identity...
...and Pat Robertson says that if the other spouse cannot take it, then he or she is free to abandon his or her husband and wife and go after another?!
My God.
Whatever the hell it is that Robertson is espousing, it is NOT a love that is scriptural or suggested at all in the Bible. Love between a husband and wife is something meant to be patient, kind, and longsuffering. If a spouse falls victim to Alzheimer's or any other illness, the other spouse will never abandon and leave them. That is, if there was truly any real love at all.
To say this sort of thing is beyond the pale. I have been saying for years that if Pat Robertson was serious about making the Bible the pattern to follow in this land, then he should have long ago been taken outside the Virginia Beach city limits and stoned to death for all of his nutty false prophecies (made in the name of God). But now, there is no question: his family should take him off the air. And lock him down in the basement for good measure.
Pssst... Hey, iTunes Store not opening for ya?
So for the past several weeks my iTunes hasn't been up to snuff. iTunes starts up okay... but when it comes to the iTunes Store it did nothing but show a blank white page with "iTunes Store" printed in the center. And whatever has been the problem with that, it also has kept iTunes from properly updating my iPad. I'm still using Windows Vista (no jokes, please :-P)
I tried everything but nothing worked to make iTunes Store functioning on my computer. I even uninstalled and re-installed iTunes... three times! And still the iTunes Store wouldn't come up. When I ran the Diagnostics tool it gave me some crap about how iTunes Store couldn't make a secure connection.
Well, as of about an hour ago it's finally working again! It took me the better part of three days of actively addressing the issue and a whole wazooload of Google searches. Lo and behold the solution came from a YouTube user named audsmithl15, who posted it as a comment on a video demonstrating the exact same problem.
Here is what audsmithl15 came up with. I'm re-posting it here, for sake of anyone else who might be searching for the fix...
1. Go to C:\ProgramData\Apple\InstallerCache\AppleApplicationSupport 2.0.1Took less than 10 minutes to apply the fix and after that, iTunes Store comes up fine!2. Right click
3. UNinstall
4. Go to C:\ProgramData\Apple\InstallerCache\AppleApplicationSupport 1.5.2
5. Right click
6. INstall
7. Restart PC
Bigtime props to audsmithl15 on YouTube for hitting on the solution :-)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
"Dust to Dust": GEARS OF WAR 3 trailer continues a grand tradition
From the very beginning of the franchise, Gears of War has been as acclaimed for its mesmerizing advertising campaign as it has for its intense and engaging gameplay, its story and its so-very-endearing characters who we couldn't help but to feel for, to sympathize with, to cry for. The first game's "Mad World" commercial is considered by many to be the best ad for a video game in history. Three years ago Gears of War 2 brought us "Last Day": an ad that yanked our heartstrings hard. It also introduced me to the music of Devotchka ("How It Ends" subsequently became one of my favorite songs, for a lot of reasons). Then April of 2010 we got the announcement of Gears of War 3 with the "Ashes to Ashes" trailer, which had me looking for more music by Sun Kil Moon.
And then there was "What Have I Become?", a fan-made trailer for Gears of War 3 that used Johnny Cash's immortal cover of "Hurt". It was an effort so impressive and haunting that Gears of War creator Cliff Blezinski even acknowledged how stunning it was.
Well, it's been out for over a week already but I'd be remiss in my duties as a devoted Gears of War fan if I didn't also point y'all's attention to the final trailer for Gears of War 3. And it proves to evoke no less lingering emotions than the spots that have come before. Accompanied by "Into Dust" by Mazzy Star, here is "Dust to Dust"...
The saga of Marcus Fenix, Dom Santiago, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, Anya Stroud and the rest of Delta Squad comes to its conclusion a week from today.
"Brothers to the end."
"We'll never be caught..."
"We're on a mission from God."
The New Blues Brothers! Chris (AKA me) and Ken (AKA my girlfriend's dad) hanging out before a wedding reception this past weekend.
It was pretty cool: the reception was in the ballroom of a hotel across the Potomac River from Washington D.C., so in the background we could see the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial, the top of the Capitol off in the distance, and on the other side of the room it looked across Georgetown to the National Cathedral.
But I have to admit: ever since playing Fallout 3 I just couldn't look over that landscape without seeing the Capital Wasteland strewn out before me. Too bad my car radio couldn't pick up Three Dog...
Interesting things are beginning to happen
And, I am feeling much better than where I was the last time I posted.
So it's time to return to blogging, right now...
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Awright, here's what's REALLY been going on lately...
Apparently some quarters are rumormongerin' that this blog has been hacked, that I'm in the hospital, that I'm really missing, stuff like that. Which makes me giggle quite a bit, that my blogging is so closely watched that when I'm absent from it, it becomes cause for alarm :-P
Okay well, as much as the mischievous little "id" creature deep within my nature loves that sort of thing, I'm gonna come clean and be honest about what's really been going on behind the scenes here. It's the sort of business that in recent past I would have kept to myself, but since in the past year I've gone so much on record about it...
The truth is, that for the past few weeks I have been experiencing an episode of bipolar depression. And it has sucked darn nearly all of the passion and motivation out of me.
I've been writing for almost a year now about what it means to have bipolar disorder. And if this was "regular" depression I might yet be able to make something in spite of that, because I've had clinical depression and know what that's like. Bipolar depression however is an entirely different beast. This latest episode struck a little less than a month ago (so far as I can tell) and I'm still fighting it. Not much that can be done except that like a hurricane, to just ride it out.
(But even with it, I can at least write about that if I can't write about anything else... because that's how I roll :-)
When you're going through a bipolar depressive episode, you lose your passion and feeling for everything. You can function outwardly, if you absolutely must. But it is a tremendous struggle to do that and it sucks out what little drive and determination you have left to you. You aren't left with a life: you are made to endure anti-life. Existence in the negative range. Sometimes the only feeling you have is feeling like you want God to just let you die and not have to go through this hell for any moment longer.
Happily though... and I know this more than ever before... these times do pass. This episode will pass. I know that I'm not really wanting to die. Heck, this is the first time in my life that I've had a chance to enjoy a normal life like most people get to have! I am not going to take that for granted and I am not going to let it slip because of a temporary relapse of a medical condition!
So that's where I've been: working through this episode, trusting God to bring me through this just as He has brought me through all the others.
But while I have brought myself to the browser (which has been acting wonky lately, enough that it has made blogging unreliable until just the past few days), I'll also address some things which have piled up. First thing is: I thought last week's Doctor Who episode, "Let's Kill Hitler", was the most brain-warping single episode in the show's entire history (I watched it with my girlfriend and we were screaming in stunned disbelief the entire time). I'm keeping a wary eye out on Hurricane Katia: at this point it could go anywhere but my gut is that it might blow on out to sea (though I've been wrong before). Oh yeah, and in the past few days I've had an epiphanous thought about the nature of the church, and when I'm finished mulling it over I'll post something about that.
(And I might have had an idea or two for a new film, which would be my first in awhile... and I'm extremely looking forward to getting back into that saddle again :-)
Anyhoo, there y'all go. I'm good. Just having a bipolar depressive episode that I felt led to write a report about and submit it into the pile of material already accumulating on this blog about it. As always, parse it as you will.
And Lord willing, I shall be back to full bloggin' strength soon :-)
