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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

The full track listing for Weird Al's STRAIGHT OUTTA LYNWOOD

So far I haven't seen any official announcement, but so many sources are consistently reporting this so this may very well be the real deal. This is the point before "Weird Al" Yankovic releases a new album when all of his fans will be speculating about what the songs will be like exactly. For me personally, there are always some song titles that I have to wonder what in the world could possibly be funny or original about them... and then the album comes out and I wind up playing those very same songs over and over and over again, they are so good. Last time it was the songs "Hardware Store", "Bob" and "Wanna Be Ur Lovr" (by far the most risque thing Al has ever done). So far as Straight Outta Lynwood goes, I think this time "Pancreas" and "Virus Alert" might be the big surprises.

Anyway, here's the list of what will be on Straight Outta Lynwood:

1. White and Nerdy - parody of Ridin' by Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone

2. Pancreas - an original song with an animated video on the DualDisc

3. Canadian Idiot - parody of American Idiot by Green Day

4. I'll Sue Ya - an original song that also includes an animated video on the DualDisc

5. Polkarama! - Al's usual polka medley of current well-known songs (my favorites of those have got to be Polka Your Eyes Out and Bohemian Polka)

6. Virus Alert - an original song about computer viruses and the like that infect your computer from your friends's e-mail outboxes, also featuring a music video is animated by David Lovelace, the creator of Retarded Animal Babies. According to Lovelace, "just about every RAB character will have cameos in the video."

7. Confessions Part III - parody of Confessions Part II by Usher

8. Weasel Stomping Day - an original song to be given a "Robot Chicken video treatment" with a stop-motion animation piece on the popular cartoon's 35th episode, airing on September 24, 2006.

9. Close But No Cigar - an original song "kind of about this cat who's trying to hit on several girls, but he finds out that they're not really his type." John Kricfalusi, creator of Ren & Stimpy, and Katie Rice are working on the animated video.

10. Do I Creep You Out - parody of Do I Make You Proud by Taylor Hicks

11. Trapped in the Drive Thru - parody of Trapped in the Closet by R. Kelly

12. Don't Download This Song - a style parody of We Are the World which "describes the perils of online music file-sharing." Also features a Bill Plympton-animated video.

As you migh know, "You're Pitiful" was originally going to be on this album, but James Blunt's record company asked Al not to do it (which is why he made it a free download). One thing I've noticed is that the parodies from Straight Outta Lynwood seem to be those of some very current songs, like the Taylor Hicks one. Makes me wonder if Al might be considering doing song parodies all the time and sticking them on the Internet after he finishes them. That would definitely be a good self-marketing thing to do (in my opinion marketing himself through his own website and his Myspace page like this is something very innovative that Al is doing).

Taylor Hicks fan that I am, I can't wait to hear "Do I Creep You Out" :-)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ten years ago tonight: Fran roars ashore

I remember where I was and what I was doing exactly ten years ago right now: at our regular Thursday afternoon Baptist Student Union meeting at Elon College. "Weird" Ed and I had been working since a few weeks before classes started that fall at an on-campus computer store, and all day we'd been using the computers we had on display to watch as Hurricane Fran was creeping toward us. Think it was about 11 that morning that it was pretty obvious to everyone: we were dead in the middle of Fran's sights. I left the store about quarter 'til 5 and by the time I got to the commons room at Virginia dorm, we started getting rain from the outer bands of the storm.

So we had that good home-cooked meal that one of the local churches always provided us on Thursday nights and I left for the apartment around 6. By this point the rain was coming down harder. I stopped at the shopping mall on the way and thought that I could use some reading material to pass what threatened to be a long evening, I bought Tom Clancy's new novel Executive Orders. As I was leaving the mall I saw that it had really started pouring down, so figuring that I needed one anyway I bought an umbrella at Sears, then ran through the parking lot to my car, and went on home.

As the night slowly progressed, the wind began to pick up, until about 11 o'clock it had become a roaring din. By that time I had decided to hit the sack for the night and tried to get some sleep. But being on a second-floor apartment, in a bedroom facing into a courtyard between three other buildings and about five tall trees right out the window... well, I swear I spent every waking moment laying in bed and just knowing that at any second one of those trees was going to come crashing through the wall and kill me instantly. Never did get to read my book, by the way.

So it went throughout the night. And I don't know when it was that sleep finally overtook me: maybe around 3 or 4 in the morning. And my alarm clock woke me up at 6:30 a.m. When it did, I listened and heard nothing else: no wind, no patter of raindrops... and I was thinking "hey that wasn't so bad!" Obviously we still had power. So I got up and took a shower, not even bothering to turn on the television for morning news about the hurricane. Forty-five minutes later I did, and stupid me finally started comprehending the devastation that had wracked us during the night...

It turned out that where we were in Burlington was one very narrow sliver of geography that managed to have electricity going nonstop through the storm. A few minutes into the broadcast they ran at the bottom of the screen that classes at Elon had been cancelled. I woke up my roomie and told him not to bother going into class, that he could sleep all day if he wanted. Right after that is when I looked out into our parking lot: every square inch covered in the green of blown-off leaves and twigs. I went downstairs, got in my car and went to get my usual daily newspaper. The power was out at the Circle K and a cop was directing traffic at the intersection. With the store closed I drove up and down Mebane Street trying to find a place that was open, all along the way shaking my head in disbelief: at least five or six houses had trees fall through the roof. One whole stand of trees that had been there was just... gone. Definitely believe a tornado had touched down there.

I went back to the apartment for a little bit, then headed back out, this time going to Elon. I soon hooked up with "Weird" Ed and we walked around the campus together oggling the damage: there was a tree thrown into the middle of Lake Mary Nell. Another tree had fallen in front of Virginia, another ripped out in front of the auditorium. Someone from the student newspaper took a picture of Ed and I standing at the base of one up-rooted tree: the base was easily three or four feet taller than we were standing.

We went inside the student center, which had been turned into an emergency shelter for any students wanting to take cover there. We ran into a friend of ours named Kendall and he started telling us the craziest thing: that all during the night students were running around out in the storm, sliding down slopes and splashing in the mud. With all the trees that had gotten knocked down it's nothing short of a miracle that nobody got killed that night!

I spent about two hours on campus, then headed back to the apartment, had a frozen pizza for dinner and with nothing else to do tried watching some TV... except the cable was out: the one utility that Fran had foiled for us.

Anyway, that was Hurricane Fran: one of the most devastating that has hit this state in the past quarter-century or so. A few years later we were hit by Floyd, which did a lot more damage but didn't come nearly as inland as Fran did. But all the same, Fran one one heck of an experience to go through. You haven't really lived until you have something like a Category 3 hurricane bearing down on you, especially after watching it track right at you for two or three days previous. Like I've said before, hurricanes are the thermal-moisture dispersion engines from Hell. And to be in the path of one is like looking down the barrel of God's shotgun. It's one of the most dangerous things you can ever go through... but man, I'd be lying if I said that spending the night with Fran didn't give me a rush like few things ever had.

Does anyone really care about Katie Couric taking over the anchor chair?

Just read about all the fireworks that CBS plans to set off tonight to celebrate Katie Couric taking over the anchor chair of the CBS Evening News. And I have to wonder: so what?

Couric is being paid - whether too much so is something I'll leave up to the reader to decide - to look into a camera and report the news, and that's all. She's not even being a real on-the-beat reporter at that, even. What she will start doing tonight is something that literally anyone could do. I mean, how much talent does it take to read a teleprompter?

Don't take this to mean that I wish Couric anything but the best in her new job. But let's be realistic: in a sane world this would be a minor transition at most. As it is, Couric's prominence tonight is symptomatic of a country obsessed with the cult of celebrity, where everyone is trying to be famous for the sake of being famous. What is sorely lacking as a result is the quality of simple character. Which I hope it is that Couric is bringing to the news desk, instead of merely being a pretty face that CBS has lured in the hopes of raking in higher ratings.

I guess what I'm really trying to ask is: are there any real people of character left in this country... or have we all become empty suits waiting to be held up by sudden fame?

(Most of this country's leaders are the latter, parse that as you will.)

I AM LEGEND: A movie that should have been made ten years ago

Ten years ago, Ridley Scott started pre-production on I Am Legend, a movie based on Richard Matheson's 1954 novel with the same title. I Am Legend had already been adapted twice before for the big screen: The Last Man on Earth with Vincent Price and then as The Omega Man with Charlton Heston in 1971 (BTW the musical score from The Omega Man, composed by Ron Grainer, is one of my all-time favorite movie soundtracks). Well, by all accounts Scott was going to make the most faithful version of the original novel yet. I was able to see some of the concept art at the time: the vampires looked utterly terrifying, the locales very much desolate ruins.

And running around in this wasted world, trying to stay alive and racing to get indoors before the sun went down was going to be Robert Neville... played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was going to be Schwarzenegger's finest late-Nineties role (seeing as how Crusade never got made, which still irks me because that would have been an awesome film to behold). This would have been the role that defied everything else that Schwarzenegger had done, and would have defined who he would be as an actor for the next decade or more. Ridley Scott's I Am Legend would have been nothing short of epic... had it wound up in serious production.

What happened? I blame Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin more than anything. That film poisoned the well of everyone who was involved with it: Schwarzenegger and George Clooney were the only ones who really managed to escape that mega-bomb of a fiasco, but it still took awhile. By the time the stink had finally worn off from that rubber-nippled nightmare, I Am Legend had quietly been shelved. The last I heard anything being done with it was probably summer of 2000.

Well, tonight Ain't It Cool News has the first pics to be found from the production of I Am Legend. I had no idea production had started up again on this. And I would like to say that I'm really looking forward to seeing this novel given the big-budget treatment...

...but right now I'm not all that very impressed with where this is going. For one thing it's being written by Akiva Goldsman, whose previous work includes - yup - Batman & Robin. For another thing, this is going to star Will Smith as Neville. Which I like Will Smith a lot, but as a fan of the novel... well, I just can't see it working out with him in the role. I think they're going to play it more as an action thriller, when I Am Legend is not that at all. It's about the last normal man on Earth trying to retain his humanity, fighting to stave off hunger and temptations that if he were to succumb to them would mean the end of his life... or begin the damnation of another. I mean, to me the most heartbreaking part of I Am Legend is when he finds the dog: would that make it into a movie with Will Smith? Would they keep the ending just as it is in the book? I dunno...

Well, I've never seen The Last Man on Earth but I have seen The Omega Man and although it's dated quite a bit now, I would definitely recommend it especially if you want to see Charlton Heston at his gun-totin' finest. And by all means, do read Richard Matheson's I Am Legend: one of the books that Stephen King credits with starting his own writing career. It's very much the most original twist on the classic vampire tale that I've ever seen... and it's just a darned good book. In the meantime, I'll withhold further judgement on this new movie until I see more coming out of production.

But I still sometimes wonder just how cool the Ridley Scott version would have been...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Behold the crippled writer

I was going to post a comment to my friend Chad's report on his running the 2006 Rock 'n' Roll Half-Marathon in Virginia Beach. But alas, I can't! See, the other week for some reason or another I "migrated"/upgraded/whatever my Blogger account to the new "Blogger beta", which is somehow tied in to my Google Gmail account. Well, there are some great new features that make blogging with Blogger a lot better than before... but the downside is that at the moment I can't comment on anyone who's using the non-beta version. This is the third time this weekend that I've been caught in this technical snafu.

Blogger techs swear that we'll "soon" be able to comment on non-beta blogs, but in the meantime I've a lot of friends posting good stuff and I can't leave any replies on 'em. Hope its something that gets fixed sooner rather than later.

"Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin is dead


Just coming in from the wire that Steve Irwin, the much-beloved "Crocodile Hunter", has been killed. Apparently he took a stingray barb through the chest while filming an underwater documentary.

What a tragedy. He seemed to be a man who really enjoyed his work. And he has such a beautiful family - his wife Terri and two kids - also.

Darn, this is just so wrong. This was a guy who was everywhere over the past ten years or so. He even had his own movie, Collision Course, that came out one time. I watched it on HBO a few years ago and it was pretty good.

Well, what else can be said? He was definitely a one-of-a-kind character.

EDIT 03:10 PM EST: About five years ago when Jurassic Park III was hitting theaters, those wacky guys at WWWF Grudge Match pitched a battle between Steve Irwin and the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park. It was pretty hilarious and of course Irwin being the Crocodile Hunter(tm) he won handily. This matchup pretty much summed up the kind of character that Irwin was so in honor of the the work that he did, here is the link to Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin versus Jurassic Park.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

"You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em"

Well, there's now a new addition to my very short list of vices. For the past several months or so, after seeing it played quite a bit in tournaments on television, I've toyed around with the idea of learning to play poker. But apart from UNO and being a pretty good hand at blackjack, card games really aren't my forte at all. But something about being able to play poker had some kind of allure for me. I didn't really know where to start though.

And then last week at the TV station, while we were running a weekly sports show, I caught a commercial for something called Bodog.net, where supposedly you can learn to play poker quite easily. I checked out the site and a couple of days ago signed up for a free account. After that came downloading the Bodog.net poker client (about 5 megabytes or so). Then it was just a matter of watching others play it before jumping in myself...


Here's the Bodog.net poker screen (take a wild guess which player I am :-) No real money at stake here: when you sign up with Bodog.net you get $1,000 of play money, and you can come back and get more if you get wiped out at the tables again and again and again. Bodog.net is not to be confused with Bodog.com, which is a real play-for-money online betting venue (they're run by the same company though, a Costa Rican outfit called Bodog). Bodog.net is strictly for fun and learning... and I doubt I'll ever play for anything higher than a coupl'a stacks of nickels anyway.

So at Bodog.net the main game is Texas Hold'em: each player is dealt two hole cards and then there are five community cards which along with your hole cards you make your full hand. It's said to be the most popular variety of poker played these days, and the one used in all those televised poker championships. I knew nothing about Texas Hold'em but after going over the easy-to-follow instructions on the Bodog.net page and then actually playing a few rounds with other people, I found myself getting the hang of it pretty well. I've probably played ten games so far since taking the full plunge last night: I won more than six hundred "dollars" in one game, then make some really stupid decisions and lost it all before going back to the main page to beg for more play-dough. After the last hand I played I had about twelve hundred in my account. That'll probably get wasted before the night's over unless my loved ones can't stand to see what's become of me and stage an intervention to make me stop before I start wagering away my unborn children.

Seriously though, if you've ever wondered what it's like to play a real poker game and don't know where to start but don't want to put your paycheck in real jeopardy, give Bodog.net a try. And who know: maybe this is just the first step on the path that will someday find me being a high roller in Atlantic City or Reno or Cherokee :-P

Friday, September 01, 2006

JURASSIC PARK is playing on AMC right now

Personally, this is one of the most disappointing summer blockbusters I ever saw. I remember the first time I read Jurassic Park, the novel by Michael Crichton, in November of 1991 (it was the first Crichton novel I ever read) and I was totally overwhelmed by everything in that book. I probably re-read it four or five more times in the year and a half between then and when the movie premiered in early June 1993. I was pumped for the movie, and all the more so because Steven Spielberg was at the helm, with special effects by Industrial Light and Magic.

So I went in to see the movie on opening day... and left the theater very let down. Jurassic Park the movie is so unlike the book in too many ways to count. The most obvious is the dinosaurs: the book has something like fifteen or sixteen species of dino, while the movie only has about five or six. I thought the ending of the novel - when the military arrives and burns down the entire island - would have been MUCH cooler to see on the screen than that last-minute "rescue" by the T-Rex. Entire characters and plotlines were left out from the book. Some of the movie just doesn't make sense at all, like toward the beginning when Grant is telling the kid about how the T-Rex saw things... when there's no way at all that Grant could have known something like that just from studying a pile of bones! I mean, that was something that he only realizes much later in the book, almost by accident.

Jurassic Park the movie soured me on the whole thing about being hyped for a big-budget summer flick for quite a long time afterward, it only being when Independence Day came out that I really felt that sense of fun again. But the movie version of Jurassic Park does have some merit to it: it was one of John Williams's best film scores of the past twenty years. And the technology that was developed to bring the dinosaurs to "life" did pave the way for MUCH more neat stuff in the years to come, like everything from the Star Wars prequels to this summer's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

So, for me personally anyway, I look at Jurassic Park the movie as being a movie that had a lot of promise, that failed to deliver on too many things, but all the same it sowed the seeds for a lot of what we've come to expect from good SFX blockbusters in the years since. I'll give it a grade of B+ for doing that much at least.

WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO? The winner is...

The final episode of Sci-Fi Channel's Who Wants To Be A Superhero? ran while I was at work, so I was just now able to catch it when it reran at 1 a.m. At the end of last week's show Major Victory was eliminated, leaving two finalists to win the coveted prize of being immortalized as a comic book made by Stan Lee (and being the star of an upcoming Sci-Fi Saturday night movie)...
Feedback

Fat Momma

And the winner is... Feedback! I was sort of hoping Fat Momma would have won though: in so many ways she's the most unique superhero I've ever seen (and that cover that was drawn for her comic book was awesome!). But I think Feedback is going to more than live up to the mantle that's been bestowed upon him. The show ended great: with all the hero wannabes (including Iron Enforcer, who did eventually "turn good" after being the Dark Enforcer for most of the show's run) congratulating Feedback and Stan "The Man" Lee himself coming out to give Feedback a victory embrace. I don't care how contrived this show may have been (I definitely don't think the challenges were staged with any outcomes in mind though), Who Wants To Be A Superhero? was the the most rollickin' fun show I saw during this summer season. Let's hope they make a second edition for next year!

(For more on the show and its cadre of heroes, click here for the official site.)

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ernesto barely worth thinking about

As I write this Tropical Storm Ernesto is about to come ashore somewhere between Cape Fear and Oak Island on the south-eastern North Carolina coast. We've been getting rain here in Reidsville throughout the evening but we'll probably only really start getting the outer bands of Ernesto in the next little while. The Weather Channel and all the local news outlets are on the coast covering this thing... but this is certainly one of the most underwhelming weather stories I've ever lived through. A lot of rain and some wind gusts - nothing really sustained - is all we're really going to get. At most, this is going to be a medium-sized nuisance over the next day or so. Hurricane Bob in 1985 was a lot worse than this. Ernesto really pales in comparison to Fran.

But all the same, we are going to be getting some much-needed rain from this system. Although I will admit that deep down, part of me is wanting the adrenaline rush that comes with riding out a major hurricane. This season we've been very lucky. And don't get me wrong, hurricanes are something that cause a lot of devastation...

...but there's no feeling in the world quite like being someplace in the projected path of an oncoming hurricane: the hydro-thermal engine from Hell. Waiting out the really big storms is like looking down the barrel of God's shotgun.

It'll be ten years ago next week that we got hit by Fran. I'm gonna try to do a write-up about it sometime then.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Y'all go visit Jennifer Olwin's blog!

It's like this: I really don't like tooting my own horn. But Jennifer Olwin - who I have never met in person but I've fast come to count her as a very dear friend and all-around terrific person - has a mighty fine thing to say about my blog in her most recent post. I just wanted to take the opportunity to say this: that ever since first finding her blog a few months ago, Jennifer has definitely become an inspiration for me to focus my own blog that much more on God and how He would have me publish my thoughts online. Anyone who has that kind of positive effect on me, I want to go out of my way to let other people know about that person. Between her and Lisa (who's got her own blog too for you to take a gander at) these two ladies are certainly keeping my online 'tude straight. So go check out her blog: I guarantee you'll come away from it that a lot more enlightened on things :-)

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Worst hypocrisy I've seen from the Bush White House in a very long time

U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales told the Iraqi government that he was visiting that country to do "what we can ... to help promote the rule of law and also help promote security in this country."

?!?!?!?????

Attorney General Gonzales is doing nothing about upholding the rule of law in this country, the United States of America. Why should we believe that he and the rest of this administration are going to do any better by Iraq?

And "promote security"...?! This from the man who is instrumental in letting thousands of illegals cross into America daily.

Sometimes I have to wonder if the Bush Administration might actually be trying to actively destroy American sovereignty. Either they are ignoring our own problems by outright design, or they really are the most incompetent administration to ever occupy the White House.

(The more I see this kind of stuff happening, the more I'm starting to long for the Clinton years as the "good old days".)

Monday, August 28, 2006

eBay crippling homeschool parents with new policy

It's being reported on WorldNetDaily that online auction giant eBay has implemented a new policy that is unfairly targetting homeschooling families.
A new policy by Internet trading behemoth eBay that bans homeschool teachers' texts from its auctions is prompting a tirade of complaints from the company's faithful customers.

"Really the homeschooling community is a huge participant in eBay when you get to thinking about it," said one customer who was identified as ''angels*wings'' on an eBay blog. "We buy textbooks naturally but we also purchase items like microscopes, slides, globes, maps, manipulatives, educational games, reading books, supplies for our classrooms ... stickers, idea books, folders, sheet protectors, school supplies, software, educational movies, models, post cards ... the list is enormous."

The policy, which is inclusive of all teachers' texts, was made known recently as those who were auctioning various books watched as their postings were deleted.

Another homeschooler on the blog said she questioned eBay when her listings were cancelled.

"They told me that it fell under their heading of 'illegal, dangerous, offensive, or potentially infringing,'" she said. "What are they thinking? I have a mess of curriculum here that I can't sell, and needing money from it to buy curriculum for the new school year."

The response from the company was posted for others to see.

"As you may know, eBay does not permit items that are illegal, dangerous, offensive, or potentially infringing. Additionally, eBay has just recently made the decision to prohibit the sale of Teacher's Editions of textbooks and solutions manuals that are intended solely for use by teachers. Since eBay strives to be a level-playing field, all Teacher's Edition textbooks, manuals and guides will be covered under this policy. Unfortunately, home schooling Teacher's Editions are not exempt from this policy and this policy will apply to all grade levels."

The company continued that those products often contain "special answer keys, exams, teaching tips, and guides"...

So sales of textbooks for students can go on unimpeded. But sales of teacher's editions that would let a homeschooling parent check the work of her children are strictly a no-no.

This may be one of the dumbest things I've ever seen happen on the Internet. Does eBay really believe they should now be "playing nanny" for their customers? Are they really that worried that students might (shudder) go looking for answers to questions? It's like they've never even heard of Google.

The only people I know of who would really be hindered by this ridiculous policy are kids who memorize everything they read... and that's got to be a very low percentage of the children at that. Otherwise, eBay is not only doing homeschool parents a grave disservice, they are angering a considerably vast customer base.

Abe Lincoln and a beaver want you to catch some ZZZs

So it's now 3 a.m., an unconscionably late hour to be up at. Ironically enough, a short while ago I was checking some web-mail and a banner ad for Rozerem appeared. It's a prescription sleep medicine and if you haven't seen the TV ad yet... well, this is just one plum weird commercial. A guy who can't sleep shuffles into his kitchen where Abe Lincoln and a talking beaver are sitting at the table with a chess set, telling the guy they've been waiting for him. In the background there's someone at the kitchen counter wearing a deep-sea diving suit. The tagline is something like "Your dreams miss you." For a pharmaceutical ad, it's certainly one of the most odd that I've ever seen... but I think it's strangely funny too. I mean, what kind of person is it that comes up with the idea of putting Abe Lincoln and a wise-cracking beaver together? Well if you want to see the ad here it is in Quicktime format (may have to upgrade to the latest version of the player though).

Awright, time for me to get in some sleep myself. See y'all on the flipside :-)

Sunday, August 27, 2006

One year ago tonight...

...I was making this post. Hard to believe it's been an entire year already since Katrina hit New Orleans.

Campaign website gets new look

My campaign website at knightforboard.org got something of a minor overhaul this weekend. New logo, a slicker menu interface with rollover graphics, online contributions implemented, and a few other tweaks. Please check it out if you haven't done so already. And very special thanks to Ed Woody who went above and beyond the call of duty in helping make this site even better than it was before.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Higher-quality MP3 of "Don't Download This Song"

A few days ago I posted about "Weird Al" Yankovic makng the first single from his upcoming "Straight Outta Lynwood" album available as a free download on his Myspace page. That file of "Don't Download This Song" was 92 kbps in rate. Well not many people may know this but in the past few days Al has also put up DontDownloadThisSong.com and there's a much higher-quality version of the song (at 160 kbps) available for download there. I recommend getting it from that site if you must download it (even though the song implores you NOT to download it at all :-)