department of homeland security

Chris Knight's avatar

Shear-ly they can’t be serious.

Just when you’d think that the Department of Homeland Security could not possibly prove it’s the most useless U.S. government agency in the history of anything… they release this:

So if a carbine-wielding madman bursts into your office or school and starts shooting up the place, fend him off with a pair of scissors! Unless he also has a rock because, you know, rock beats scissors.

Taking this video to its logical extreme, the safest elementary school in America is whichever one gets to have this guy as its School Resource Officer…

No mention in the video about protecting yourself against a gunman with, y’know, a gun.

The New York Post has a great write-up about this latest waste of taxpayer money....

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Chris Knight's avatar

I haven’t heard Mitt Romney say a single nary thing about eliminating the Department of Homeland Security and completely scrapping the Transportation Security Administration. That he hasn’t and apparently approves of those governmental monstrosities is just one more reason why the Romney/Ryan ticket won’t get my vote next month. Neither will Obama/Biden, but that’s a post for next week.

But just in time for the election, The TSA is removing those cancer machines it euphemistically calls “body scanners” from major airports. The official line is that the cancer machines are being relocated to smaller airports in an effort to “speed things up” across the board.

But there are serious reasons to consider that rather than completely giving up on Nude-o-vision(tm), the TSA may in fact be gearing up to implement even WORSE technology: namely scanners with much finer resolution and stronger abilities at detecting small objects on a person ...

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Chris Knight's avatar

Janet “Big Sister” Napolitano’s Department of Homeland Security (okay let’s be fair, it was George W. Bush’s “brilliant” idea first) has decided that turkey fryers are a dire threat to national security. “Make sure the turkey is completely thawed before placing in a fryer”, the DHS is warning in a new video.

Hey, Janet Napolitano: I’m a hella lot safer with my turkey deep-fryer than anyone is with your X-ray body scanners! You know: the X-ran body scanners that YOU REFUSE TO PUT YOURSELF THROUGH.

Who do these people think they are?...

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Chris Knight's avatar

It can safely be said ten years after the creation of the Department of Homeland Security and the Transportation Security Administration that the federal government’s efforts to make air travel “safer” constitute one ginormous cluster%#@&.

Now we have an idea of the economic impact: $85 billion wasted and 900,000 jobs destroyed. From e-Travel Blackboard…

After a decade of enhanced aviation security post 9/11, US Travel Association president Roger Dow is set to testify in a Senate Committee Hearing on 2 November, claiming current security procedures are hampering travel and US economy growth.

According to the US Travel Association, the US economy is missing out on $85 billion in consumer spending and 900,000 jobs because American travelers are avoiding flying due to the “hassles of air travel”.

“A 2010 study…found that American travelers would take an additional two to three flights per year if the hassles in security screening were

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Chris Knight's avatar

I guess that means we can finally get rid of the Department of Homeland Security and that unforgivable abomination of bureaucracy called the Transportation Security Administration. Right?

Right???

EDIT 11:52 p.m. EST: I will make note of my thankfulness that Bin Laden has finally come to his just desserts, by humbly suggesting that his corpse be given the “Mussolini treatment”, culminating in his remains being eternally desecrated by wrapping them in pig skins.

But still: tonight, the United States has won as decisive a victory as could possibly be had against the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks.

Some will say that this presents an opportunity to bring our armed forces home.

I disagree.

Tonight, there is an obligation to bring them home.

A few months shy of the tenth anniversary of the attacks, and we can finally say in all truthfulness, “Mission Accomplished”.

If Americans want to feel earnest victory ...

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Chris Knight's avatar

One more bit of evidence for the already bloated file of arguments for why the Department of Homeland Security, the Transportation Security Administration and the whole damned “War on Terror” is an effin’ joke…

Alyssa Thomas, all of six years old, was temporarily detained from boarding a flight from Cleveland to Minneapolis by TSA agents. Alyssa is on the dubious “No Fly List” and nobody knows why.

Here’s the story from Fox 8 News in Cleveland, Ohio…

WESTLAKE, Ohio – Alyssa Thomas, 6, is a little girl who is already under the spotlight of the federal government. Her family recently discovered that Alyssa is on the “no fly” list maintained by U.S. Homeland Security.

“We were, like, puzzled,” said Dr. Santhosh Thomas. “I’m like, well, she’s kinda six-years-old and this is not something that should be typical.”

Dr. Thomas and his wife were made aware of the listing during a

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Chris Knight's avatar

Eleven airports – most of them in the Midwest and California but also Charlotte-Douglas International here in North Carolina – will be the first in the country to receive the full-body scanners that create a virtually naked image of the person being examined and leave nothing to the imagination.

The Transportation Security Administration, and the Department of Homeland Security over it, claims that the images created by these machines are not stored in any way.

Does anybody possessing more than the minimum neurons for a working ganglia honestly believe anything that this asshat excuse for a government tells us anymore?

This is simply more “security theatre”: measures that make it look like our government is sincerely doing something to deter “the terrists” but in reality is just a multi-billion dollar puppet show.

If the government was serious about both stopping terrorism and serving its people, domestic airports would adopt the ...

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Chris Knight's avatar

Ryan Thomas, a four-year old lad who is developmentally disabled and must wear metal leg braces because of low muscle tone, was considered enough a potential terrorist threat that a Transportation Security Administration goon forced Ryan’s parents to remove said leg braces while the family was en route to a vacation at Disney World.

Words fail.

Oh yeah, by the way, ten thousand TSA agents will now have access to classified information.

What the hell is happening to our country?...

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Chris Knight's avatar

My loathing for the Transportation Security Administration just soared to new depths.

The story from Philly.com…

In the tense new world of air travel, we’re stripped of shoes, told not to take too much shampoo on board, frowned on if we crack a smile.

The last thing we expect is a joke from a Transportation Security Administration screener – particularly one this stupid.

Rebecca Solomon is 22 and a student at the University of Michigan, and on Jan. 5 she was flying back to school after holiday break. She made sure she arrived at Philadelphia International Airport 90 minutes before takeoff, given the new regulations.

She would be flying into Detroit on Northwest Airlines, the same city and carrier involved in the attempted bombing on Christmas, just 10 days before. She was tense.

What happened to her lasted only 20 seconds, but she says they were the longest 20

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Chris Knight's avatar

In today’s performance of “Security Theatre”, it’s 8-year old Mikey Hicks of New Jersey: a Cub Scout who is on the Transportation Security Administration’s terrorism watch list.

Mikey has been on the list since the age of 2, when he was first examined by TSA goons to see if he was carrying any explosives, guns or stabbing weapons. And Mikey doesn’t appreciate his constant treatment by Homeland Security one bit: “I don’t like being touched in certain spots. They go like, (pat down on the side), and go like that way.”

Just more proof that our own federal government is a bigger menace than “the terrists” have ever been....

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